Is it that "broad brushstroke" that you fear?

[Rogina B]

Through the power of reading responses to my other threads,I wonder if "the fear"..is really a fear of the labeling...If someone were to catch the closeted in a"****ty outfit" or discover someone shopping for women's shoes[one town over]..or discovered on the "commercial side" of this very website..They might be labeled or "branded till the end of time".. "Gay,queer,pervert,sicko,deviate,)nutcase" might be part of the label that peers place on them.. There is sometimes discussion on this forum of"missed teaching opportunities" that educate others rather than accepting the labels given so freely by the uneducated. As an advocate in forwarding Transgender rights via inclusion in human rights protections here in NE Florida,my personal reward is from being a teacher,or educator..Transpeople are most likely very good humans,and have the same basic needs as other humans and should enjoy the same freedoms and protections that other humans have! So,rather than "wave the big flag" or take a" die in the ditch,last stand", I choose to be the "live specimen in the glass case" for all to see AND use a two way communicator to carry on discussion that will help lift this broad brush that some feel paints us in one swift stroke! And I am not ashamed of doing so!

[mechamoose]

-Disapproval
-Scorn
-Hatred

I have had friends end up in the hospital for being 'flagrant'.

[Lucy_Bella]

If this is the answer you are looking for I would like to give some insight from the spectrum that I apply myself to with all due respect..

The biggest fear is the loss of other peoples ( friend,family co workers etc I can careless about strangers) perception of your man hood..The first gender I would say for the mild GID people ..

[Beverley Sims]

In this day and age it is probably the unknown, along with what Mechamoose says.

[Marcelle]

I fear a lot of things . . . spiders . . . I hate those things (bad childhood experience). I fear being stuck for hours in an elevator with Stephan Harper listening to an endless loop of Justin Bieber and Celine Dionne songs with no coffee (Canadian thing).

Do I fear being labeled because I am TG? Nope. When I go out it is glaringly obvious I am a guy. If someone asks me a legitimate and civil question about being TG, I will respond and take the opportunity to educate where I can. If people choose to laugh and giggle at my expense then good for them . . . at least I made someone happy that day. Do I fear hatred, violence, altercation? Yes, but in this day and age "en boy" or "en femme" you would be foolish not to have a healthy sense of caution regardless of your gender expression. Will that stop me from living my life? Nope. When deployed a wise person told me (I am sure he got this quote from somewhere else) . . . "you can either get busy dying or get busy living" . . . I choose living. Fear just keeps us focused.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate Simmons]

I learned a long time ago that it's a lot easier to ask for "forgiveness" than it is for "permission". CDing is what makes a lot of us "free" it seems but do we have the courage to exercise that freedom by being who we are? That, my friend, is the million dollar question.

[Rogina B]

I challenge the two people [Mechamoose and Beverly Sims] to enlighten us as to the "normal circumstances" in the developed world where a "T person" would be in physical harm!! Think hard because in most cases,it is self inflicted...Tell us please!

[mechamoose]

I challenge the two people [Mechamoose and Beverly Sims] to enlighten us as to the "normal circumstances" in the developed world where a "T person" would be in physical harm!! Think hard because in most cases,it is self inflicted...Tell us please!

Did you ever see a movie called "The Crying Game"?

I have also (apparently) lived in poorer, more urban areas than you, where groups of young men without a lot to do call someone out on the street.

- MM

[Katey888]

I challenge the two people [Mechamoose and Beverly Sims] to enlighten us as to the "normal circumstances" in the developed world where a "T person" would be in physical harm!! Think hard because in most cases,it is self inflicted...Tell us please!

I think we can go beyond just Bev and MM there, Rogina. You don't have to trawl the web much to bring up some horrific stats on TG assaults and you might want to think about rephrasing or clarifying 'self-inflicted' ... but please take the time to Google 'transgender assaults' and read some of the cases before you do... they are extensive and scary.

In the right environment and long-term I'd agree that education is the way forward - for pretty much everything. But again I think it needs the right environment and some reason for the audience to be receptive.

Isha's recent 'field study' with her GGF trailing her course illustrates the nature of the problem. Many folk here believe they are doing some good by simply getting out there and mixing with the muggles... Well, they might be doing some good, but on the other hand... Isha's trial showed that while the experience of the subject may appear to be positive, the residual feeling in the audience once the subject has passed by, may not be... If that happens in the wrong environment, it's easy to see how fear of physical assault can be very real. I'm afraid I don't see us simply heading out for a shopping trip as much of a teaching opportunity, in all honesty... just my :2c:

And the other fear described here is no less real, nor it's impact potentially much less damaging - for families, SOs, loved ones... It's not right that people think the way they do, and that's why education - I fully agree - is key. It's finding the right way to do that AND providing some measure of enforceable protection that's the tough part. I'm all for that... but it's a long haul, and it would be good to garner some support from the folks here... somehow...

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Rogina,

Violence and hate is a sad fact of human nature and while we are capable of great empathy and kindness, the flip side of the coin is still prevalent. Yes, it is more likely that people will ignore us when out and about or they would prefer to mock us behind our backs but in the end we are a curiosity at best. Some people will be kind and empathetic (I have met them) but others can be overtly hostile in posture and look (have met them as well). The only thing that keeps them going all Spartacus Smack Down is the venues I choose (malls, family restaurants, public transport, daytime).

Short of having some mental malfunction I highly doubt some "knuckle dragger, tranny hating dude" is going to come running over and lay a slipper dance of death on my head in the middle of a family restaurant or mall. He is more likely to just stew in his juices and mutter under his breath. It doesn't make his hate any less (just subdued). However let's bear no illusion, if given the right environment/opportunity, his retribution might be fast and swift much to my peril. This is why a healthy sense of fear is required if you decide to go out and about "en femme" . . . it keeps you focused and alert.

I have been lucky . . . so far. The balance of probabilities do not weigh well in my favor. I am likely (when I least expect it) to have a physical altercation at some junction. Will it be vicious and life threating? Possibly, but it is more likely to be an "in your face . . . I hate you so do something about it" altercation. I am ready for that and luckily my training makes me capable of handling such a situation (obviously within reason). However, for those who are not ready . . . tread cautiously because it is not all sunshine, lollipops and unicorns out there. Sometimes you get lions, tigers and bears . . . oh my (especially if you wander off the yellow brick road) and there may be no ruby slippers to click three times and take you home.

I am not trying to frighten people but sometimes a little fear is a good thing as it keeps us from doing silly things we regret.

Hugs

Isha

[Rogina B]

Katey,The forum members tend to have some socioeconomic advantage,as a rule.Trolling the web for instances of violence against transpeople may be real,however,look at the general violence out there as well.. It is very unlikely that a forum member is going to encounter a problem if they use their smarts. If they don't,they could get in just as much of a mess anyway. So,just what percentage of people in the developed world realize that,like sexual preference,people are born this way more often than not?They need to have that explained to them,and be able to ask related questions.Here in the South,some of us are working to educate those that we feel can be.There is a population of haters,that based on their beliefs,refuse to believe science or anything else progressive.They are just afraid of reality and all we can do is defuse their opposition toward anyone different. However,I haven't seen any angry mobs of them lying in wait in the grocery store parking lot! This is 2014,after all.

[jackie_p]

Rogina

You don't have to trawl the web. Look up the National Transgender Discrimination Survey. Lots of interesting statistics regarding how we are treated as a class of people. The numbers are FAR higher than the general population and too broad scoped to be limited to lower socioeconomic member of the group.

[CarlaWestin]

This discussion conjures a memorie. Before my divorce many years ago the ex dolled me all up and did my makeup and took a picture. I've posted it here before. That picture was shown about to her whole family while they were in rage mode and I can only imagine what narrow minded labels I acquired. A few years after things had calmed down I was invited to one of their family dinner functions. As I was pulling out a chair to sit next to my daughter's cousin, an 8 year old boy, his mother said, "Oh no! Oh never mind. It's OK to sit next to _____." My reply, "Well, it's certainly better than sitting next to a narrow minded hater like you!"

At this point in life, I'm just so passed all of the narrow minded assumptions that pedestrian life forms carry. And I couldn't care less as I get older.

[jessica76]

There is a negative side to being caught, but what about the positive? If someone were to discover your other side and label you as gay, queer, sissy etc. you would in a way be free to be what you really want to be. If a guy like to wear a dress what is the problem? Yes close minded individuals would scorn you.

I have been caught a few times by various people. The first couple I tried to deny it. Now I don't care. The only thing I am hesitant about is people from my career life finding out.

[Nadine Spirit]

I don't doubt that hate violence occurs; it is a fact that it does. I am curious though of how many of you have personally experienced it. Not a look, not something that was said, but actual beat downs.

I ask as it seems to be a topic within this thread. But also because it is what I most feared when I first ventured out of the house, and I have yet to be in any situation that it was even close. At this point if it happens I think it would simply be because in life occasionally stuff happens, and I did not increase my chances of it happening because I was dressed as a girl.

[Teresa]

Hi Rogina,
According to " Crossdressers Wives " there are 8.6 million CDres in America, obviously a conservative figure and I assume that doesn't include TS/TG and other groups. The point I'm making is you're probably waving the flag for a larger group than you think, so perhaps the flag waving should start there to convince them the labels are just empty words that don't truly describe them. I'm afraid that GGs generate much of the name calling but it's not their fault they don't understand the dual strand running in most of us, a few want to become male but the majority don't have a male side so the need to CD is almost meaningless, many of us say that our partners tolerate but less fully accept. I think that one is going to take a lot of flag waving.

[kimdl93]

When deployed a wise person told me (I am sure he got this quote from somewhere else) . . . "you can either get busy dying or get busy living"

Hugs

Isha

The first time I heard that expression it was uttered by Red, Morgan Freeman's character in The Shawshank Redeption. Great movies.

Now to the OP I was outed by a spiteful ex to pretty much anyone and everyone meaningful to me in my life. Quite a few mentioned it to me and I suppose that many figured it was at least partially true...where there's smoke there's fire, right? And my closest family members had the context of my early childhood and teen years to relate to. So I was out. Anyway, the upshot was that I had to go on living despite the embarrassment and did so. I don't seem to have lost any friends, my career has been unaffected and my large family still is supportive.

To borrow a line from a good friend, "the best revenge is a life well lived"

[Allisa]

I had to read your post a couple of times to get your gest so first yes I believe that broad stroke is a fear of many, I myself have allways lived on the left of " normal" so I have been pigeon-holed so many times all I can say is coo. As far as educating others I have allways been open for questions from whom ever asks whether I have enlightened anyone,whose to know. An old saying comes to mind "there are non so blind as those who will not see". But as I have said before my fears are of the harm or embarrassment of my family they do not need my onus upon them.I believe part of my response to you can be found in my response to your other thread from yesterday.

As allways Lisa

[bridget thronton]

As I get older - my fear of the "broad brush" is less and less. Perhaps it is because it is because I have become more accepting of all people who may be labeled LGBT (including myself)

[sometimes_miss]

Transgender 'rights' don't automatically change how we live. In another thread, we discovered what the general public REALLY thinks about us after we are out of hearing distance, and it's not nice. Just as blacks, asians, gays, etc., have found out, having your 'rights' written into law does not stop people from thinking bad things about you for no reason, or doing bad things to you behind your back (or god forbid, attacking you openly). I'll avoid any brush strokes in my direction, thank you very much.

[Tracii G]

Nadine to answer your "beat down" question yes I have.
I had 3 20 something guys start hassle me in front of a store. After a few choice word slingings from both parties and them saying they were going to kick my *** I said OK let the big one go first with a smirky smile on my face.
I guess the fear of being beaten by a guy in drag was too much they got in their car and left.
Second time I was armed so upon them noticing that they left me alone.
Do I like to fight? I used to I won't deny that but these days I'm a different person and would rather be left alone.

[sanderlay]

A broad brushstroke is certainly troubling, especially when I may not have opened my mouth to tell my side of my life. People assume, and sometimes gossip, even though we have been told time and time again what ass-u-me means, and go to the horses mouth if you want the real facts about a person. Stereo typing a person seems like the easy route to understanding a person. Only problem is we have not learned a thing. We've made false assumptions that paint a picture that does not match reality of who that person is. So if we talk to them. Now we may get an understanding, but that is only a snap shot of that moment in time. So how do we really get to know someone? You need to walk a mile or more in their shoes. Experience life from their point of view. Then you might understand a person and what they might feel, what they experience.

Do I fear being misunderstood? Sure. But I don't let that fear control me or paralyze me. I'm not a freak, a pervert, deviant, etc... Because I'm just breaking with social convention, going outside the gender binary, I should expect people to wonder who I am. When I'm polite, considerate and respectful to them when they speak to me I may have just educated another person if they have an open mind. I'm under no illusion of what could happen. Again... I don't let that fear control me or paralyze me.

So yes I may appear to be another... "live specimen in the glass case" for all to see. But I'm not a lab rat. I'm a fellow human being trying to respect other humans despite what I may hear behind my back. Live and let live.

[gennee]

I shopped for women's clothing in male and female mode. Never bothered me.

[Genifer Teal]

Does anyone else hate what Rupaul's Drag Race does to us? I hate being painted with those broad's brush strokes. :-) This has nothing to do with the gay stigma. I watch how those whiney biotches act and get mortified that this is what the public is being "trained" to think of us. They dress for completely different reasons. The entire show has nothing to do with me expect for the fact that people see me as a man in a dress and there in lies the problem.

[Stephanie47]

There are numerous cases of violence against individuals based on the victims identity or perceived identity; race, color, creed, national origin, sexual orientation. That's why there are laws with the label "hate crimes." Yes, I'm fairly sure I can avoid "hate crimes" by being careful of where and what I do. When a person beats the living crap out of you because of your status at least you know where the assaulter is coming from. His hate is obvious. What is not obvious is the people: family, friend, neighbor, coworker, who will slowly drift away and leave you standing alone. I really do not think too many people are tolerant of a guy in a dress.