Jacqueline - I think you've demonstrated part of the problem.. Your definition here is way different from mine, and probably from Isha's, and certainly from Wikipedia (not that I'm suggesting it's the absolute resource for everything, but it is a good starting point...). Wiki clearly includes transvestite or cross-dresser in transgender identities... Question for you, from me, would be: are you prepared to accept a 3rd party definition of TG?
The rest of your post is a good example of how definitions and myth mix and I think relates to how some here may be offended by the classification TG... If you asked me six months ago if I was TG I would have told you no... That was my ignorance at work... having read a lot here and other academic papers, I am now better informed.
We have to be prepared to be open-minded not just about who we share this community with, but also if we are prepared to accept objective views of how the community can be classified. If we can't do that, it will be more difficult for some parts of our community to make progress - not impossible, but more difficult...
Katey x