My head always goes back to the 'I don't get it!' place I'm caught.
You and us both, Tink!
At some point, many of us come to the conclusion that the "why" will remain a mystery, or it really wouldn't matter even if we DID know why. I often think about how I'd like to move forward, but I don't really worry about how I got here.
The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs. We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.