A question for those here who identify as male :)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tinkerbell, I really don't have an answer other than that it's just who I an and it's just what I do
and after about 67yrs. of doing it I don't see it changing any time soon.

[Sarasometimes]

In a quick answer it is inate from the start. It just is kept hidden out of fear of rejection until the need to express it is strong enough to risk that rejection. I think the reason GG's have a prblem understanding it can be explained by the fact that there is no nice word for the male equivalent of a "tomboy". Sissy, girly boy or momma boy are most common. There aren't magazines with pics of "girlcuts" for guys. A male engineer isn't likely to get support by his co-workers when he wears a cute blouse with lace and a women's watch to work. But a female A boy who tries out for cheer or shows and interest in that which is feminine is rarely widely encouraged.

I understand that you CAN'T see your H dressed but can you envision how you would feel if the shoe (a mid-heel pump if you will) was on the other foot.

[Meg East]

I really don't know what made me a cross dresser. Now it is a positive safe part of my life. I don't view myself as anything more than a male who wears woman's clothes. Obviously, since I find the experience rewarding endorphins must be involved.

Maybe cross dressing allows me a opportunity to step out of my usual role and responsibilities of being a spouse, father, grandfather, business owner, citizen etc. and relax. My skirts and heels are part of my happy place.

[mechamoose]

I guess I'm having a disconnect here..ab

Pretty vs "expected",

We CD to express ourselves. When we do that WE are comfortable, we know that we make THEM uncomfortable,

Do you want to express yourself? (Yes, you do)

If someone has a a problem with you, then THEY have a problem with YOU.

- MM

[Tina_gm]

For many us who have wondered and pondered and searched for the "reason" I am going to daringly suggest that we searched for that reason in order to stop it. If we knew why, then we could come up with a solution, a fix, something that would block or get rid of our desires to express femininity. Even without knowing the reason, many of us, certainly myself included attempted to block it, and rid it by means of denial, suppression and repression. Those methods work like plugging a hole in a damn that is leaking. Of course what happens is that either the water finds a new point of weakness and or the pressure mounts until the block fails. We begin to spend energy trying to hold back the water until that energy exhausts itself. At least, that is how I can best describe how it was for me.

Now, rather than an all out battle to fight the water (femininity), I am learning to accept that it is there. For me, the existence of both masculinity and femininity can at times just get to be a bit much. I tend to feel more at peace when either of them seems to be dominant. But, often times with me, they seem to be at about the same level. Society has made us be more aware of what is different than what is not. So, if I in whatever way (physical or emotional) display 50% of myself as feminine, that will stand out because I am a male and am suppose to be masculine. My wife struggles with this (she sees the personal emotional stuff) and knows that I dress, although far far less than 50% of the time. my actual dressing time is less than 5% of the time, and of that 5% it is not a complete transformation. Yet, she struggles with that. And of course I struggle too in that while I do not identify as a woman, about half of me identifies as feminine, and far less of the time do I express it.

For me, it is a matter of expressing it when it is a good time, that does not disrupt the life I have built and the life I want and the life I am continuing to travel down, while dealing with a significant part of me that is feminine. It can be a tremendous challenge at times, and not just with society of of that of my wife who feels and reacts similarly as you do, but from within myself, when the masculine and feminine collide at the halfway mark, both sort of getting in the way of the other.

[Lorileah]

Um, Reine, thank you for posting that link. I will admit I might have perused it a little longer than planned

interesting that 90% of those photos are dark hair, dark complexion, mostly scruffy beards and no chest hair. (in fact one had no...um...body hair at all). When you could see underarms many were smooth also. 1/3 were very androgynous males whop had the classic facial features many associate with a woman. What exactly is it that is in all those photos that make a woman stop and take pause ( i will tell you it is the lips and smiles in most cases if you poll women, not big smiles but the little "knowing" smile)

[ReineD]

What exactly is it that is in all those photos that make a woman stop and take pause

This actually is fascinating and is useful for the artist to know as well!

What makes a man or a woman most attractive is the degree to which their face is average, for example a forehead that is not too big or too small, a nose that is not too prominent, a chin that is not too pointy or too weak, etc. In other words, it is a departure from the average that takes away from our attractiveness. This might explain why beauty ideals are different from culture to culture and throughout time, and it also demonstrates our brains' ability to compute the smallest details. There have been studies, if you care to look them up to read beyond the abstract:

http://pss.sagepub.com/content/1/2/115.abstract

But the following is even more fun!! It's an interactive web site that digitally combines the faces that you choose, and averages them. There are both men and women, and as much fun as it might be here to pick a guy and average his face with a few women , just start with picking several guys (or several girls) and see the results. The average of the faces will be at the bottom, and you can hover your mouse over the individual faces to compare. In all cases, the facial composite is the most attractive.

http://faceresearch.org/demos/average

There are also other factors that contribute to an attractive face: symmetry and of course youth.

[Nadine Spirit]

I have seen research into the golden ratio and that we as humans find faces that have more instances of the golden ratio to be more attractive.

[Lucy_Bella]

I can relate to those who say they dress in feminine clothing to look pretty ( although it's not common for masculine men to want to look pretty attractive yes pretty no)..For me ,cause I answer for no one else here. I dress in private to look sexy .. So I can understand why some CDers would like to look pretty...

I would also like to add that just because I say I dress under a sexual presentation does't always mean it's a sexual event because as we age the "sex" part of the dressing tends to become only a feel good time nothing physical always happens..For the most part my dressing is to satisfy an urge,relieve stress or it could be sex on any given day/time of presentation.

I would think that a Cder who presents male only would like to look pretty would dress more often and in public verses one who presents to look sexy every so often and hopefully in private

[Georgina]

I don't really know why I first put on female clothing. In the fifties, when I first saw girls in petticoats, I wanted to wear them as well and I did. Back then I felt that it was unfair that only girls were allowed to wear the nicest clothes, and that boys had as much right to wear dresses. That meant that I did not wish to be a girl but wanted to do what girls were allowed to do, such as clothes, long hair and disguise their faces. I was happy to be a male who enjoyed female clothes. I started with underwear and was happy with that for a few years but eventually I wished to find out what it would be like to wear complete female cover. I only became interested in make up and wigs nine years ago. I still believe that guys have as much entitlement to female clothes as women so I have no interest in becoming a woman. I wear a dress or skirt every evening, after work, and at weekends, when home, as normal wear. I rarely do make up as that wastes time when not going out.

[Adriana Moretti]

And don't pretend you're all not competitive either. Just check out the picture threads!!

Real women are not competitive and catty?? Noooo....not women.they are never...........just us gals......meow............

[ReineD]

Real women are not competitive and catty??

Women who do compete, do so over men, much like guys fighting it out over a girl. When men aren't in the picture, we are best of friends!

The idea that women dress to outdo each other just for the sake of it is pure rot. If women do think this, then they need to look deeper at their motives and discover that it's all about vying for a place on the female pecking order, which is fundamentally a competition for who gets the best mate. That said, in all my life I never had to worry that my female friends would try to take my boyfriend or husband away from me. So there really was no competition.

And maybe some women who are overly materialistic will use their clothing and jewelry to show off their social status. I tend to stay away from women like that, they are boring.

[sometimes_miss]

And maybe some women who are overly materialistic will use their clothing and jewelry to show off their social status. I tend to stay away from women like that, they are boring.

And perhaps the most irritating, is the women with 'ring hand'. You know, the girls who are engaged, have a big rock, and then use their left hand for EVERYTHING just so everyone knows she's engaged and how big that rock is that she got the fella to buy. I see this behavior periodically at work.

I have often wondered about the difference between humans and animals. In the animal world, it is often the males with all the plumage p

Don't kid yourself. It's just that our 'plumage' isn't simple. Women can often spot expensive clothes, shoes, watches, as well as excellent grooming on a guy almost instantly. And don't forget the attraction of a man in military uniform. A huge number of women respond to that visual clue, as well.

[Ferl]

What I don't understand is how it becomes THAT much bigger when you're older, growing from a simple, regular enjoyment of women's clothing to the point where you're using a female name,...

Keep in mind, you are here on a crossdressing forum, the people which have tried it out and found out, that it is not passable wouldn't come her to register. So because of this you will not find many people thinking different in here. But there will be many people who have tried, found out they don't like it and did not do it anymore.
For me the beginning was similar. It was when i was a child and found and tried some old heels lying there in the roof chamber. It was a nice feeling and i went always a little time to the roof chamber and went around there in heels. In the teenager time there was less time for it and so i have years later began to buy some interesting heels on my own. After a while i tried also other woman's clothes and it felt good too and so now it is a hobby for me, sometimes...

[Tinkerbell-GG]

And don't forget the attraction of a man in military uniform. A huge number of women respond to that visual clue, as well.

Ah, so true. Gotta love a soldier's uniform

And Reine is right - we do tend to out dress each other and overdress in general when single and looking for a male partner. (It's what men like, after all) If you notice how women dress after marriage and kids, you'll find smart practicality will often override sexy. Not for all women, of course, as I have a friend who dresses like a hooker even when married, but I suspect that's because she marries idiots and is constantly on the lookout for a replacement, lol.

It's fun to have a night out, dressed up for drinking and dancing, but really if no men were there to notice that I looked sexy I probably wouldn't bother to dress sexy. Dinner at a girlfriend's house is a jeans event for me. It would be weird to dress sexy for that! I also think looking nice for ourselves is important too, but that's just as likely to be a tee and jeans with your hair done as a cocktail dress. Cocktail dresses are incredibly uncomfortable in my opinion, and comfort is part of what makes me personally feel good about myself.

Anyway, I forget where all this was going, lol. I think it's fascinating to hear all sides of this topic and so many points of view. I love how everyone here is happy to share their thoughts. I might not understand why you do what you do, but I do know there's many intelligent, compassionate people on this forum. Far more than I encounter in my everyday travels x

[Amanda M]

Ahh, tinkerbelle - you ARE a sad girl. How can you not like a cocktail dress?????? Especially with a cocktail!

[susan54]

In the UK,or at least in my part of the UK, the time when women really go all out with their clothes for a girls night out - dresses, make up,jewellery, the lot. This applies to married and single alike. Participating in a GNO (as me dressed up or as my alter ego Susan) is the one ambition I have yet to fulfil. I am a man who prefers the company of women anyway - most of my personal and work friends are women - but almost always as a man. I have actually been invited to participate in a GNO (yup,fully dressed) but think the fallout would not be worth it. The more feminine the company, both in behaviour and clothing, the more I enjoy it - but so far, very much as a bloke.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Ahh, tinkerbelle - you ARE a sad girl. How can you not like a cocktail dress?????? Especially with a cocktail!

Amanda, I LOVE a cocktail...or three

[ReineD]

It's fun to have a night out, dressed up for drinking and dancing, but really if no men were there to notice that I looked sexy I probably wouldn't bother to dress sexy. Dinner at a girlfriend's house is a jeans event for me. It would be weird to dress sexy for that! I also think looking nice for ourselves is important too, but that's just as likely to be a tee and jeans with your hair done as a cocktail dress.

This is EXACTLY how I feel and how my female friends behave as well! We don't dress up when it's just the girls at someone's house. Never! But, if we go out for dinner whether there is mixed company present or not, then I think it's normal to show decorum. As much as I don't dress to impress the girls, my personal sense of pride prevents me from going to a nice restaurant in sweats and sneakers, just as I wouldn't show up at the beach in a cocktail dress. Still, putting on something nice for dinner is entirely different than women who dress to compete for men. :p