How can I pull this off?

[ShadowWarryor]

Alright. I can cross dress and take pictures and pull off looking like a man. Only problem is, I don't think I could pull it off in public... My body is so damned girly. If i go out, men always look in awe at me. Not to mention my mother does not let me leave the house from a fear i will appear as a guy... Which is the point. I'm waiting to go to a college far away so i can transition there and all but its seems like forever! How can i go out in public and succeed looking like a man when my mother would not let me step foot outside without some sort of makeup on. This is getting frustrating. I hate makeup. I feel like a puppet right now.

[lingerieLiz]

I feel for you. When I was young I wanted to look like a girl and knew that I could not go out as I felt. I chose the furtherest away place I could go and yet it was not where I could become what I thought I wanted to be. As time went buy I found who I wanted to be. Accept that your mom doesn't understand and only wants the best for you. My mother accepted me years later perhaps given time and seeing you happy your mother will too.

[GenieGirl]

Does she know that you want to be/dress as a guy? If so then I say do you no matter what she thinks. If she is only suspicious or doesn't know then unless you are comfortable coming out to her now id say wait till college/freedom. Otherwise you could maybe try to dress like a feminine guy maybe? One who wears a hint of makeup and dresses like a guy but more fashionable than most. This might even help you appear more as a guy given your girly body you speak of. I know that you'd probably prefer to dress as masculine as possible but that's the only thing I can think of...

Good luck Shadow

[ShadowWarryor]

I'm pretty sure she's suspicious of me. She's told me all my life that i'm not ladylike lol plus i always wore guy clothes when little. And i've kinda been doing that. Dressing like a feminine guy. I still look like a girl but it's more comfortable to be in guy clothes. I've gone places and had chicks ask me where i got my jeans -_- haaaa they are guys lol but pretty cool. I mean i complain that it's girly but i'm grateful my hips are more like a guys than a chicks. My upper body has always been bigger and resembles a guys. The only thing is I feel so tiny. Well tinier than i want to be anyways. And i'm thinking my mom will hopefully understand if given time. She always hints at grandchildren and childbirth and crap. And i'm here like "Uh......". That stuff scares me. It's not right at all for me. It would feel wrong. I have tried hinting at her I don't want to have kids that way. I'm not the one to give birth to any children.. I'll take care of em, but giving birth to them is a whole different story. Thanks for both your help though. I really appreciate it.

I was also thinking that I would try to look like a guy (hardcore) and see if i could pull it off in public. Lol we'll see how this goes though

[Dana M]

Hello Shadow,
Sometime Being a guy is more about your attitude than your appearance. I take it your "hardcore" image of masculinity is to compensate for your feminine physique. I know where you are coming from for a CDer like me sometime its the extreme image that matters. I think sometime why wear women's jeans and a tshirt when thats what i wear as a guy. The female image to me is more about dresses and skirts, you know the things guy don't normally wear. As far as Mom is concerned, just give her time, once you are on your own It might be easier for your mom to accept that part of you. PM me if you want to talk more.

[ShadowWarryor]

Thanks Dana, and you're absolutely right.. I didn't notice it before but i do tend to go more being a hardcore guy to compensate for what i lack.. Which i a lot of things for me if i think about it >_< never really realized that though. You have brought a new light into my eyes. I tend to wear more sportsy things like sweat pants, basketball shorts and tank tops. Would absolutely love to wear a suit but again my mother wouldn't like it. I've tried lol but suits are just awesome as well as vests and all. Classy is great XP

[LenGray]

That's a tough call and one that you'll have to deal with however you see fit but here's some suggestions.

Look up androgynous makeup on Youtube. The makeup will 'masculinize' your features while still being pretty. Your mom will know that you're wearing makeup but not why Or, you can do what I did as a teen and go outrageous with your makeup. Paint tattoos on your face, check out some Halloween tutorials and after a while, your mom will be relieved to see your regular face XD

Also remember, humans don't pay a lot of attention to things. Generally, if you're just walking around, someone might give you a once-over in order to develop a mental picture but they won't focus on details I'm horribly girly but thanks to knowing how to alter the things people look at, I pass about half of the time. Don't try to make yourself TOO manly, but focus instead on androgynous beauty at this point. Nine times out of ten, if a stranger can't tell whether you're male or female at first glance, they'll assume you're a young boy.

I know that it's hard dealing with being in the closet while in high school, but try not to get down about it. Join a theater club and request male roles(I did this and got 3 roles in school plays as a man) Take a self-defense class. Rather than focus on the fact that you're not a man yet, focus on what you can do to make yourself into the man you want to be.

I hope this helped and PM me if you ever want to talk bro

[Katey888]

I can empathise, Shadow - I think perseverance, practice, thinking about what you're doing, taking advice... all helps. You should be encouraged by your pics - your profile pic is just plain masculine... I suspect when you go out a lot of other things come into play that are the reverse of what plagues me/ us mtfers. Some of the basics around the body shape can be disguised by suitable clothing - for you more loose clothing would hide actual body form. The other big tell for me (although I've only seen this myself) would be the way I walk... I would imagine the same might be true of you - have you tried capturing video of how you walk? That's a bigger tell for me than body shape as men come in all shapes and sizes - but the walk... that's different! Video might help -as might just sitting watching normal guys walk... Grab a latte and people watch - it can be fun too..
And keep the makeup toned down - as others have suggested...

So keep trying and coming back here - if it was easy, everyone would do it! :D

Katey x

[Jorja]

Shadow, I don't know about your town but some have places where you can rent a locker to keep your things and change anytime you want. It might be something to look into.

[Kate T]

Shadow

I think you have a variety of options e.g. going for an androgynous look etc. BUT none will really resolve the underlying issue of addressing your gender identity with your mum, which I suspect you will need to do at some point.

And I agree with the others. Baggy clothes and suits etc. will for the most part disguise a female figure (along with binders if you are fairly large chested) after that it is mostly about attitude. Unfortunately it is likely you will probably be mistaken as androgynous / gay male at least initially, that is not such a bad thing if you look at it as a stepping stone / learning curve to presenting and being received as your preferred gender (Which I am assuming is male attracted to females).

Good luck. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

[Amanda M]

I'm with Katy and Len here. A good androgenous look will keep mum happy for now!

[ShadowWarryor]

Thanks everyone for the advice!! I really appreciate everyone's input.

I've never heard of an androgynous look before but I will look into it and try it! Thanks a ton! I'll keep everyone updated!

[JenniferR771]

And don't forget to accessorize. I mean, lose the earrings. No purse. Carry your stuff in a toolbox. Carry your keys and wallet in your pockets of your jeans.

Hope this helps.

[RADER]

Shadow Warryor:
Remember there are big guys and small guys. It is all in how you cray yourself.
Guys that always crossing their legs look "sissy", I hate to mention this, but being a slouch
can be more "Man Like" than sitting up strait.
You get the Idea, Good Luck.
Rader

[Ellaxo]

If you drive, you can do what I do when I cross dress. Sometimes I get ready in the car because I'm not ready to discuss this with my family. I have some make up remover wipes that I buy, and make sure to remove the make up before I get home. You can do it the other way around, wipe it off when you're out of sight and stick them in your purse. Hide your purse under the seat, and just carry around your wallet, phone and keys.

That's just a piece of suggestion, not sure if it'll help.

[Saikotsu]

I assume you're in high school since you mentioned going to college, so have you ever thought of storing some guy clothes in a locker at school? Of course, school is letting out for summer break (assuming your school is like most in the states). If you have a car, you could try hiding it in there.
Ultimately though, you need to sit down and talk with your mom. Based on what you've said, it sounds like she is one of those types that wants a girly girl. You should explain to her that you are you, and deserve a chance to be yourself. You don't have to come out of the closet, but you need to be honest with her and ask that she respect some boundaries. Turn the argument back on her. What is something she would not want to wear, and ask her how she would feel if she were told to put it on every time she wanted to leave the house. Perhaps then she may understand. Perhaps she is afraid of "losing" her daughter. In truth, you'll always be her child, and you'll always be you.

By the way, based on your profile pic, I think you could easily pull off being a dude in public.
The key is moderation. Look at what men wear to be comfortable. For me, that means cargo pants and a slightly oversized t-shirt. Also remember, guys don't usually put in as much effort coordinating their appearance as women do. Our clothes don't make a statement the way women's clothes tend to. The way we sit, the way we stand, the way we talk, walk, and hold ourselves creates much of the masculine air about us. If you get the chance, observe how women talk to each other versus how men talk to one another. You'll notice something very interesting.

[ShadowWarryor]

I wish I was still in high school haha. And I've noticed how women and men act. Quite a difference. Women always try starting crap with me for no reason only to end up crying on my shoulder asking for advice because I don't react how typical women do. Its so awkward. As for the makeup thing I like the idea, but I find myself getting even more and more non caring to how I look. I go to work looking more ragged and guyish than I do look girly. Its nice. My mom will be told about this when I have hard evidence to back it up from a psychologist or something. That seems the only way to make her see a little more sense in this situation. Sorry for the late reply to you all. Lol my work hours are overnight. I appreciate everyone's feedback. I'd say more but at the moment I'm on my phone posting this so I'll address more once I get to my computer XP thanks everyone! Great advice!

[Eryn]

Shadow, part of being in this gender game is becoming a better observer of male and female behavior. Not all females act girly and not all men act macho. There is a happy medium that you can probably achieve that will meet your needs for now. If you don't like makeup don't wear it, and select clothing that will help you express yourself as you wish. A lot of being accepted as one gender or the other is in visual cues and the acceptance is solidified by your attitude.

Be happy that you have become aware of your gender issues at this early point in your life. For many of us we had decades of difficulty without actually realizing what the difficulty truly was.

[Tracii G]

I agree with all the posts and the only thing I can add is just be yourself there is nothing your Mom can do about that.
If you don't want kids don't have them simple as that your Mom can't force you to do what you don't want to do when it comes to things like that.
I would just incorporate more male clothing like jeans and shirts.
As far as make up just a hint of eyeliner and leave it at that.Tell her make up is starting to irritate your skin and you prefer not to wear it.
Do all this over time don't throw it on her all at once or be super pushy about it.
Maybe when you are off at college or out on your own you can hone your guy look.
One thing is apparent you are going to have to have the gender identity talk with your Mom sometime in the future.

[ShadowWarryor]

Being as I did not know make up contains gluten, I am completely not going to use it at all. Lol great for me! Seriously, I am happy to find out I never need to wear that stuff. Ever. XP Due to my near-death experience today, I do not care what my mother thinks anymore. It's not her life. It's mine.

Tracii G- I am going to get a completely new duded out wardrobe once I start rolling in money. Lol I've just been wearing sweat pants and baggy shirts, but I wanna be a little more dressy than that.

Eryn- That's very true! I think I've finally managed to attain a medium that suits me. Finally. As for the observing lol I know guys that spend more time on their hair than girls. And vise versa. Some people are very interesting I must say.

Thank you all for your suggestions!

[Saikotsu]

It is your life. You should live it as you see fit. More importantly, are you okay?

[mikiSJ]

If you live anywhere near Santa Cruz, CA, I would pack a couple changes of clothes and become who you are.

A lot of people I know believe the term "Lesbian Until Graduation" or LUG was coined at UC Santa Cruz; who knows. But I can tell you that if you want to try being a guy, Santa Cruz would be a great spot. Santa Cruz also has a great TransMan group. You can the group here: http://diversitycenter.org/programs/...ender-program/ The whole Monterey Bay area is a great place for trans* people and one of the better counselors holds sway in Monterey. You might want to look up Stephen Braveman at http://bravemantherapy.com/

Even if you are not local to California, there are many, many people who can offer you support and advice. Good luck finding out who you are.

[ShadowWarryor]

Saikotsu- I am doing a lot better! Thanks. I've been drinking a lot of organic green superfood drinks to help get my whole body back in line. After the beating it took, it needs some sort of health drink (even though it tastes nasty lol)

mikiSJ- That sounds awesome! I, unfortunately, do not live in that area, but that is very interesting and I will definitely look into that! In the meantime, I need to find a therapist here and some transgroups I can join. There is a club at my college I've been meaning to get into, which I will after I ask where it's even located on campus