Hi Jessica
Great post, thanks for sharing with us
Gretchen
Hi Jessica
Great post, thanks for sharing with us
Gretchen
Jessica, this is an excellent post. I too have been out and about weekly for several years now. I agree with all of your advise here and love the humorous side as well. I think most of us who are out in public have made some of the same mistakes.
Some additional things I would add are to 1) No matter where you go, "be confident in who you are" If you are nervous and looking around to see who is looking at you, will draw attention to yourself, if you act like something is wrong, people pick up on that and try to figure out what it is. If you are confident and relaxed most people will pay you no attention at all. 2) I find that making eye contact with women is very important and is the norm amongst GG's, making eye contact and smiling are a natural communication between GG's and is almost expected, I get more compliments and better reactions from GG's when I make that simple connection.
one last thing I would expand on that you already talked about is, Don't, Don't Don't over dress for the situation. When overdressed you stand out and immediately draw attention to your self. Look at what other gg's are wearing and do your best to emulate that, you will blend in and never get a second look.
Thanks again Jessica for a wonderful and educational post.
Michelle
Fantastic Jessica , one of the best posts I've read lately , and how right you are about people in the street laughing , we're so insecure , we think they must be laughing at us !! ....and most times they're not .
A few things I do , to enjoy the moment as much as possible
Visit another town or state and check into a Hotel , once you're in your room , no phone calls , no chance of unexpected visitors / friends dropping by , you will relax so much more , and get ready in peace and confidence
Gain some knowledge beforehand of the area around the hotel , a Park near the CBD is ideal for nervous CD's , take a book in your handbag , or smartphone . even if you just pretend to use them . Find a park bench , and enjoy !! , nobody will notice you !.. as time passes by your confidence grows , you may even smile at that Lady walking her dog ,its a wonderful feeling
I probably shouldn't promote gambling , but some cities in Australia have "Pokie " venues , small Clubs or Hotel lounge Bars that have gaming machines , I always use these places , because people are focused on winning money , not staring at you . My confidence always grows after 10-15 minutes in these places . I go to the Bar and order a Gin and Tonic ..nobody cares , infact quite often , better than that , they will be nice to you !!.
Shopping in department stores , is nowhere near as scary as you might think , everybody is minding their own business , and often in the CBD they are in a hurry , you can browse the stores wonderful hosiery section at leisure.
Again be smart , I go during the middle of the week , and avoid lunchtime and 5-6 pm
Use public transport , again thanks to modern technology , everybody is too busy doing stuff to notice you . Avoid knockoff times for schools .. when it comes to making fun of you , these little brats are probably your only worry in general
It has been my experience that women generally do not make eye contact with men other than men they are with. When you do make eye contact with another woman you smile -- not a big, full-on, all-teeth-showing smile, but a small smile of acknowledgement. It is the equivalent of men nodding at each other (they still do that, don't they?). Failing to smile at another woman would be odd.
As a woman you are looked at all of the time. Men check out your body, women check out your clothes, shoes, and makeup. The minute you walk out that front door you are "on stage" in a way you pretty much never experience as a guy. If you project an air of confidence, again with a smile if you make eye contact, you will be fine. Hide behind a potted palm (I tried that once) and you lose.
Be safe! Do go to places GG's go, shopping malls and the like, not for walks in dark areas at night. You are safer in a open shopping mall than in a dark street.
At first, go to places where you have freedom oif movement, where you can walk away from a situation if you feel uncomfortable. You are kinda tied down to one spot if you are in a theater or a sit-down restaurant so if someone gives you a look you aren't comfortable with you can become very anxious about it. Anxiety is not only a terrible feeling in a situation you should rather be enjoying, but it can also make your behavior seem odd.
If possible, go to the restroom on your way out, not your way in. That way, if someone is clocking you there is less they can do about it.
Just a few thoughts.
Hugs,
Persephone .
"If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.
"If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)
-.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).
I agree with the other and with Jessica..... not much to add.
This is definitely a great start to the CD Handbook.
Only thing I could add is that watch for stares from 3 year olds. They're really tuned into facial recognition and it's best to look right back at them and just smile.
Definitely have a plan for most of the eventualities. I even carry a 'bail out' bag in the trunk. Just in case, I have to call a tow truck for something or another....
Thanks again.....
Renne.....
Thank you JessicaJane. Not only is much of this new to me - some of it explains things I have observed, but did not understand ...
Very well thought out and written Jessica. Nicely done!
I would add that for a first timer going out, if they haven't worked on their voice, to silence their phone because you don't want to blow your cover by having to answer your phone in a manly voice. It's one of my biggest fears when in the changing rooms that I get a call and have to answer it sounding like a guy.
Excellent do's and dont's Jessica. I definitely follow those.
Walking is the difficult part. Despite my best efforts, my shoulders tend to slouch forward. I usually find myself correcting it while I walk.
great stuff here...I can be a disaster in public too LOL...spilling drinks...falling down...its not pretty LOL...human...but not pretty.
Jessica,
Thanks for the info, I learn something new every day and your post was no exception.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Thank you so much, I will definitely keep these in mind when I go to the local Tri-Ess meeting in July. It will be the first place I go to publicly, hopefully there will be many more to come. Very scared and anxious, I definitely need to practice on my heels and using my make-up.
Lacie
omg...she's not kidding either! she's a walking accident, waiting to happen lolOriginally Posted by Adriana Moretti
and very entertaining too, i might add lol
i really thought you broke your ankle...
but i still love you!!
paula
Great post Jessica, brought back a lot of happy memories along with a few scary ones too.
Main "trick" is to dress your age and as your average woman in your area, and DON'T go to places a single woman wouldn't go on safety grounds, so no traipses around a deserted car park at two in the morning, you are asking for trouble!
Well done. Penny xx
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