Do you think it's easier being a girl?

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Yes, Tink is still here . Given a common thread I read here at the moment, I had to ask a couple of questions that have been bugging me:

1) Do you think it's easier being a girl?
2) And do you think this is the reason (or one of) why you started dressing?

I won't bother refuting why things are not easier for girls as the list would be a novella and I'm pretty sure most here do understand how hard things can be for women. So I guess that's my third question:

3) Was there a particular female (females) in your life who inadvertently or otherwise influenced you to believe that women have it easier? (Or that we are maybe superior in some way?)

Thanks for reading.

[ReluctantDebutant]

I doubt it would be easier to be a girl. But you have to remember we are cross-dressers and we have an innate desire to dress and look like a girl. To do this it would seem to be easier just to be a girl. This would seem to alleviate a lot of stress in our lives. But Yes it causes us to view female lives through rose colored glasses. Take it for what it is, just fantasy.

[LaurenS]

Those are good questions.

1) I don't think so. Men pretty much run society in the west, and women are at best second-class citizens everywhere else.
2) I don't know why I started dressing, but the clothes, hair, and other beauty aspects are certainly fun. The confirmation might come from the objectification of women? I don't know, but it is fun!
3) no one in particular, it just seemed I was predisposed to the lifestyle somehow. Although I did not know it at the time, even when I was 5, I identified with girls really we'll. not that I didn't identify with boys either. I wasn't one of those that didn't play with fire trucks and baseball, it's just that both seemed okay. Never felt like I was trapped in the wrong body either, although I certainly am envious of a pretty girls/woman's body.

Oh my! It's too early to ponder these things!

Take it for what it is, just fantasy.

Maybe this answer would have been simpler!

[Kitty215]

I don't think it is any easier to be a girl. I would say some aspects of life would be much more difficult while others may be easier. As far as crossdressing goes it would be nice if girl life was easier. Unfortunately I think being a girl is much more difficult for crossdressrs.

[mariehart]

1. No absolutely not in sense of women's place in society. When you crossdress you get a small insight into some of the compromises women are forced to make sometimes. Like not walking alone at night. But even to the extent of buying clothes, make up etc, relationships, career decisions. All of these I believe are more complicated for women.

On the other hand if you were to ask if it would be easier for me to BE a girl then the answer is yes. Trying to behave like a man I find difficult.

2. Well dressing as a girls frees me from my difficulty in being a man. But is it easier?

3. I can't think of anyone who influenced me. Do I think women are superior? Sometimes. To me women are the base model humans. Men are a kind of variation who are needed on occasion. But I don't want to be unkind to men either. I like women more than men but I do like some men.

[Katey888]

Tinks' Weekend Puzzler.. always look forward to these... :D

1) I think it is far easier being male in ANY society, other than exclusively matriarchal ones, which I don't think exist anywhere...

2) On the basis I started at a very young age and had absolutely no concept of what gender really was, no - I don't believe it's had any impact whatsoever...

3) Can't think of a particular female, and as for being superior in some way - yes, you have superior choice in available fashions... and what a wonderful superiority that is for CDers to be able to dip into and pillage a little...

Katey x

[Laura912]

Not easier, not the reason and no one.

[AnnieMac]

1) Yes, very much so!
2) No, not related at all
3) Yes, all females.

If you want hear my more detailed take on it, just shoot me an PM. Good questions Tinkerbell. I enjoy your thoughtful posts.

[hope springs]

1. No, of course its not easier being a girl. I would match your novella with an epic trilogy on why. The feminist literature ive read illucidates GGs struggles clearly.

2. The relative difficulty of being a woman never crossed my mind when accepting i was a CD. But ive had long discussions with GGs about whatever unique challenges they face as a woman.

3. 100% of the women ive known go out of their way to explain why life for women is more difficult. All of them say men have it better. Some even said if they had a choice they would rather been born a man.


All your questions stem from the tacit assumption we think women have it easier. Other than radical feminists, we may be the one group most sympathetic to GG problems. I may not always act like it, but i do understand your unique problems

[Lee Andrews]

1. No way, no how, is it easier being a girl. There is still a glass ceiling, second hand citizen attitude in our society for women. The only thing I see easier is the options they have in appearance, anything goes and no one bats an eye.
2. I love the feel of the clothes, way more comfortable and I wish we had the options to wear whatever we wanted and not be looked down upon. I guess this in part is why I do what I do. I admire the feminine form. I love how my wife can go from a good looking tomboy around the house to a stunning beauty when we go out.
3. I can't remember any females in my life that have said they have it easier. A bunch have said they are superior than us and I believe it . I watch my wife juggle a thousand things at once and watch her pull it off every time. Sometimes I wonder how she does it and I'd be lost without her. LOL

[Teresa]

Tinkerbell,
I was going to say without doubt it's easier being a guy ! I'm now beginning to struggle with the image because it's worn me out trying to live up to it and prove I'm a man. So in that sense it's easier for a girl because she doesn't have to live with that. Maybe that aspect is attractive and is possibly something we try to escape into !
The physical side of being a boy was more appealing than being a girl , even when my CDing started because it was purely sexual, once it was over, the clothes were discarded and I got on with climbing trees or playing rugby.
I don't remember having a female who influenced me, and I don't see a GG's way of life superior, it's just different. It looks more enjoyable simply because we want to dress to sample it.

[Ally 2112]

When i was younger i thought being a girl would be be so much better .But as i have gotten older and seeing how society still treats women (for the most part ) i realise that we are still not all equal and that is sad !(just my opin )

[Marcelle]

Hi Tink . . . again very interesting take on things given the other threads that have popped up. So in response:

Do I think it is easier being a girl?

I really don't know as I have no perspective to judge from. I may dress like a girl from time to time, interact with the world in a manner which I deem "girl-like" but I am not a girl, have not lived as a girl so, I have no frame of reference. What I can say is that it is not easy being a person on this planet regardless of gender when we deal with day to day reality. We all have the stressors of family drama, we all worry about money (well at least most of us do), we all worry about our own mortality and we all worry about our careers. That is part of being human and we all experience our own trials and tribulations regardless of gender.

However, if I had to go with a purely academic response based on observation then "no" I do not think it would be easier being a girl especially if we (CDers) were to accept all the current sexist and misogynistic issues associated with being a woman full time. You have to remember, many of us dress part-time, go out and then return to being guys . . . easy peasy lemon squeezy. What we forget is that being a woman is not just putting on a dress, make-up and heels for a few hours and voila "June Cleaver" all my woes and miseries as a guy taken care of . . . that I am afraid is escapism. Nothing wrong with that if it helps you cope with your day to day stressors. However, to equate this "mayfly existence en femme" to "being a woman" in the world, IMHO is short sighted. Women in society have to deal with a lot of crap that guys don't have to. I have personally seen very qualified and competent women have to fight tooth and nail to gain credibility which is automatically given to most men. Sure it is slowly changing (snail's pace) as more and more women fight their way through the glass ceiling but it is still a hard fight.

Was it one of the reasons I started dressing?

Nope

Was there any one women who lead me to believe it was easier to be a woman?

No. I grew up in a household of women and with the exception of two manly men uncles spent most of my time around women and girls. I never saw them as superior or inferior to me. I viewed women/girls the same way I view people. We all have good points and we all have flaws. Some people are good and some are bad (gender does not change that).

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

1. If you want to give birth to a child, feeling her grow within your body, it's pretty much required that you be a girl. Some of us have wanted this badly. I realize not all genetic women are able to become pregnant - I think they often find that to be a cruel twist of fate, too - at least if they wanted children.

If you want to wear clothes and shoes designed for women, it's generally easier to do this if you are a genetic woman, although the apparel and footwear industry are horrible about supporting women who's sizes or dimensions vary too much from a "norm" that actually applies to a minority of modern women.

In general, if you feel you are a woman, it's a LOT easier to be one if you have a woman's body. It's heaps easier to be cisgender than transgender, particularly for MtF's.

But socially in many other circumstances, men have huge and unfair advantages over women. If nothing else, you pay a 21%+ "tax" on your earning capacity for having a uterus, whether you use it or not.

2. No, quite the opposite. The mismatch between my body and my gender made me feel my situation was hopeless, and that while growing up, I was alone, and had no support of any sort to try to live an authentic life. Crossdressing in secret was as close as I dared hope to come to escaping the waking nightmare that was my life as a man. It's not that, in abstract I had a particularly bad life. But it was a lie, and every single move I made or word I said was calculated to hide who I really was. I lived in fear, hated myself, and those few stolen moments of CDing were like a temporary furlough from prison.

I never really believed I could find peace and freedom in my life until last year. I didn't even know for sure I'd get those things, only that I was so miserable that death was preferable to the private hell I lived in.

3. Yes, I have been blessed to know a number of strong women in my life, and they influenced me greatly. In particular my great Aunt Minnie. She showed me that women could be strong in ways that men just aren't. That women can succeed in doing things men think are impossible. That even in a society that was totally biased against women, that actively tried to keep them DOWN, that women could have undeniable strength and power, and that women could command respect. That men run the game by cheating - stacking the deck so they almost always win, and were it not so, some of these remarkable women could've ruled the world, making it a helluva lot kinder and more sensible place.

If I can be 10% of the woman that these women in my life were, I'll consider my transition a success beyond my wildest expectations.

[Ineke Vashon]

Tinkerbell - When you joined this forum gained a valuable contributor.

1) No, I don't think it's easier being a girl. Questions number one and two do not seem to 'compute' for me. I.e. I don't dress because I think it is easier to be a girl. However, women have certain advantages that I sometimes envy. They can touch each other, like combing each other's hair, go "powder your nose?" socializing, cry on each other's shoulder and so on, while men, real men, are supposed to suck it up and be a man and take care of it by yourself. Then society wonders why suddenly meek mannered little Joey blows up. Or puts on a dress.

Perhaps I envy the female years between twenty and ??? when many women have enormous sexual powers.

As for myself, I neither hunt nor fish, have never owned a gun, do not watch sports unless I am engaged in them, mostly outdoors sports like cycling or boating. I prefer a tearoom over a bar. Yet I am a normal heterosexual man attracted to women. Except for, as Frédérique once pointed out: "I am not a crossdresser, I just like to dress in women's clothes." Why, I haven't the foggiest idea.

As for your question #3, perhaps the answer lies somewhere hidden in this post, even if I can't find it.

Thanks for posting the thread.

Ineke

[CynthiaD]

No, it's easier to be a man, which answers all three questions.

Is it better to be a woman?

Unquestionably, YES! It's worth all the trouble to make the transformation. Sometimes I think what it would be like to give it all up and just live as a man for the rest of my life. The prospect is so bleak and depressing that I couldn't even contemplate doing such a thing.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

All of them say men have it better. Some even said if they had a choice they would rather been born a man.

Yep, I'd agree with this. Throughout my life and through all the groups of friends I've had, there's always been (many!) a conversation about how much easier life must be as a man! My married friends are the worst - they see firsthand, I guess, how much simpler a man's life looks from ours. I'm not saying it is, either. But it sure can look that way when you're juggling as many work hours as your husband AND juggling the children AND keeping up with the family AND...I won't go on. I know many are married here and likely hear this all the time, lol.

Anyway, just wanted to mention that we can also think the grass is greener, whether this is real or imagined. We humans are an unsatisfied lot, aren't we?

It also seems that, so far, the influence has been less about thinking we girls have it easier and more just preferring our company...am I right? And when I say company, I mean the broad range of just enjoying being around femininity because you're men and crossdressing is fairly convenient there...all the way to feeling like you're one of us. Does this make sense??

See? This is why I stay here and annoy you all - great answers like these! It might seem like some of us GG's are just here to wind everyone up - truth is, some of us don't get the answers from our partners that satisfy our endless thoughts and concerns but every question answered here is like this little notch in the road to acceptance. I can't explain it well enough ...but I can say this helps. I know it's helped some others here, too, so thanks.

And thanks Ineke, for the kind words and for answering my thread x

[Teresa]

Tinkerbell your last paragraph says it all, we get answers here that we should be getting from our partners ! I wish I could turn my brain off to the continual stream of thoughts and questions !
My wife asked is Cding all I think about ? I answered it's all I try not to think about !!
Yes you're right GGs were put on this planet to wind up the male of the species ! My wife is in the top ten !!

[Badwolf]

I'm going to break a little from the most common threads here.

1. I do think it CAN be easier. I never would make the argument that ALL types of life would be easier, but if there are certain things you want to do there are things that women get to do a lot easier. A few of the most obvious ones have been presented already, being able to be feminine (in many ways), and giving birth are a lot easier if you were born a GG. Many of these though are similar in reverse (FTM's etc) and are conditional upon WANTED behavior. Some of these become a sort of need in Trans individuals, and therefore discussions can be skewed in conversation. A strong want/need that has existed for all of ones natural life, can mean all the other complications seem incomparable, especially when society at large won't even accept them as problems.

2. In that context, there are parts of that that play into my drive to cross dress. But again the original reason along this track, was certain behaviors and expressions, not the perceived "ease", even though we can go into a chicken or the egg argument here.

3. I made so many female friends and was surrounded by so many female older relatives, I can't particularly finger one of them, but either way I don't think I could separate the two completely.

Now to add my own little grain of salt to the super oriented questions, I don't think any of these things exist in a vacuum. The difficulties in being a cross dresser, are also pretty big in many ways. Doing it well can be a financial burden (even more so for TS individuals), potential consequences can be pretty large, and it complicates ones love life (as half the threads here can attest). I really doubt most cross dressers, or even most transexuals would argue that the original drive is the perceived ease in the other sex to do EVERYTHING there is in the world, but in many cases it is the ease to express THEMSELVES that divides the perception.

[deebra]

If most folks think it's harder being female then why would we/CD's choose to go from secure dominate male to the lesser female with the chance of being outed, embarrassed and more vunerable???????

[Felicia Dee]

1) Easier?!? LOL. Not by a longshot. But it's not any easier being a man, either. Just different. I suppose it depends on what you mean by “easier.” In the limiting, binary view of gender, each has it's strengths and weaknesses – depending on an individual's point of view, the aspirations they have and the choices they do or do not make.

Gender aside, life is challenging and often times confounding. The point is to live your life as best as you can. And, if you can get through it learning through adversity and savoring happiness where you find it and do so without harming others along the way – that's a good life, indeed.

2 & 3) I began crossdressing as an unconscious reaction to the physical and psychological/emotional abuse I endured throughout my childhood. (It's complicated and I'm still figuring it out) None-the-less, I feel safer and more free to express myself honestly in the company of women, than I do around men.

[LelaK]

I hope to read everyone's answers later, but I only have a little time to respond right now.

1&2. Many aspects of life are probably easier for women, but that's not why I crossdress or identify with femininity. I say things are often easier for women, because women are more free to express their emotions and to be close to each other, comfort each other, support each other and so on. I suppose I may have chosen at an early age to identify with femininity, because my Mom was much more appealing to me than Dad.

3. In my family my sisters probably had a much easier life than we boys did, especially we older boys. Dad was very authoritarian and abusive, mostly verbally, but often physically too. Both my parents tried to reinforce the stereotype of male behavior in me. No crying. No acting girly. I succumbed while I lived with them, but chucked it when I left home.

[flatlander_48]

1) No it isn't. It is just a different set of challenges. There are a number of issues that pull both genders in many different directions.
2) No
3) I don't believe that it is easier or not. But, it could be that women's challenges are biased more towards the emotional and men's more towards the physical. If this is the case, it may be related to society's view of the traditional gender roles.

[bridget thronton]

Having raised a daughter, I do not believe it is easier to be a woman. The grass does appear greener until you get there.

[mariehart]

I would just add that saying men have it easier doesn't really tell the full story. It's more of a case that it's less complicated for men in many ways but that only works if you as a man have your life well sorted. Men generally have a higher suicide rate than women. This clearly indicates men's problems can overwhelm them.

So there are many men who are comfortable in their shoes but even they cannot always express their softer side. I see this a lot actually as for some reason people see me as someone they can open up to. This includes some men. One is a holy terror, tough and ruthless and in the company of others can come across as a boor. One to one with him I have had the most intimate conversations. The difference is astonishing. Another guy is tough too, would have been a soldier or cop except for health issues. In the group he's dominant, one to one a different person. I suppose in some ways GG would see this too in their men. The man they sit at home with being quite different to the street fighter outside.

But even then there's a pressure to be a man. When I told my wife she did say she wished I was more masculine. I can't be and one of the reasons I told her was because I was fed up trying to be someone I'm not. All men feel that pressure even if they're mild mannered and timid.

But of course most men wear that lightly. It's not difficult for them to be men, be masculine. Particularly if they are successful in their career but when it goes wrong. Well we all know what can happen, drink, depression and even violence.

None of this means I think men have it as tough as women. But we need to keep perspective.

I think all of us here in this forum understand that, if not directly then instinctively.

Maybe we sometimes look at crossdressing from the entirely wrong perspective. We don't really become a woman when we crossdress but stop being a man for a while. You cannot be masculine in a pretty dress and high heels. Isn't that the reason many of us don't wear trousers and anything that could be male or female. You have to leave the man behind entirely?