How can we say it's not a fetish

[2B Natasha]

How can we say it's not a fetish?

I read lot's and lot's of post's here about getting dressed. Most of them describing in great detail what sort of unmentionables they are wearing. How big their breasts are. How it feels to slip on a pair of nylons ( Bleech! ) We post about the brand, the color, the denier stay up, garter belt, control top, sheer, seamed etc etc. What brand make and model their bra is and on and on.

If it's not a fetish then why do we need to know about your underthings? Why do you feel WE need to know? Your shell, IE top skirt or dress or trousers and shoes I get that. But have you ever heard a clutch of women sitting around discussing ad nauseam their underwear? Me either.

I don't need to know about them. Why not just say. I got dressed in this outfit and went to place X.

PS. This does not include discussions on how make, tuck etc etc etc. Those are very specific craft post's.

Now I feel better

Cheers!

[natcrys]

Uhm.. glad you feel better now, I guess. :p

I'm probably one of the few CD's for whom underwear is just that.. underwear.

Having said that, I do understand why the stuff has a higher-than-average attraction for a myriad of reasons. So, I'd say if you're not interested in the extra detail given to panties, bras, etc., then just skip it or just don't read the thread.

And why is a shoe-fetish (guilty as charged!) different from an-"unmentionables" fetish? And why do we call them unmentionables.. we're all adults, right?

And why did they cancel Full House???

[Confucius]

Generally speaking a fetish is using objects as a substitute for our need for sexual intimacy. If a person is using cross-dressing to sexually stimulate himself, then "yes" that would appear to be consistent with a fetish. To be honest there are characteristics of a fetish that are consistent with cross-dressing, but it may well be that cross-dressing goes beyond the confines of a typical fetish.

For instance, many cross-dressers do not use cross-dressing for sexual stimulation. For many (especially older cross-dressers) it is used for reducing stress, generating sensations of well-being, and for personal comfort. They find it relaxes them, makes them more social, easier to get along. This is not consistent with the general understanding of a fetish.

Many cross-dressers also report that they have been cross-dressing since they were 4-5 years old, long before puberty, and long before they had any sexual interests in females. At the same time, they report that cross-dressing just made them happy.

Personally I do not feel I need to know about your underthings, nor do I need to see your photographs, or hear about your latest adventures.

So, many cross-dressers see their cross-dressing as going beyond a simple fetish, and prefer to see this condition as an orientation intrinsic to who they are.

[me]

according to Freud, isn't everything a fetish? :P

[Kate Simmons]

Well, it's better than talking about flatulence (which some people do a lot). Seems to me it's time for a new panty thread, or maybe a slip thread or girdle thread, camisole thread. You get the picture.

[Katey888]

How can we say it's not a fetish?

Easy! For me, it's not a fetish... (I have other fetishes MUCH wilder than this condition, but not connected with it and not for discussion here... )

I read lot's and lot's of post's here about getting dressed. ....

I don't need to know about them.

You don't need to read them - reading every post is NOT a requirement of being a member here..

Why not just say. I got dressed in this outfit and went to place X.

I agree - recognise this....?

I don't have any pictures of what I was wearing but I can tell you it was 2 inch tan heels from nine west, ultra sheer panty hose from Nordies, ( That's for you Marla ) a knee length cream colored pencil skirt with just the slightest shimmer in it, and a blue-ish crepe style top with just a little bit of shimmer in it as well. Looks better n in person then in words. At least I think so and it feels super sexy to wear.

TMI...? I guess we all go through phases...

Live, and let live, Natasha...

Katey x

[natcrys]

^^ Busted! :p

[Betty Jean Blose]

Ahhh yes....the undies thing. Let me share a small story:

My involvement with one of the local LGBT groups came about as a surprise to them and to me.....and most likely from my volunteering with the local food bank. Strange how these things happen.....and how life-changing it can be. I have been into public speaking for years, speeches and talks to large and small groups, fund raisers, that sort of thing.......so it was easy to transistion to giving video presentations for the food bank.....and led to me becoming a ‘star’ for a special little group of males....wishing to be females.

The food bank is one of a number of ‘volunteer’ groups under the overall umbrella of the local Community Services non profit corporation, it keeps an eye on the various groups. Of course I knew what LGBT meant, the letters anyway, and I had vague ideas of gay people....live and let live I thought. So I went to their next meeting. My goodness, I had no idea that their meeting was not.....like a meeting I was used to....like a meeting to make plans, go over finances, like that. Not. This was their time to......display themselves, some of them anyway.....and to meet with like minded. You might say I felt out of place in my black leggings and comfy top......but I was very welcomed and put to ease. My presence did change the dynamics and the leaders took me aside to explain what they had in mind......a training video to teach feminization! As they put it. Imagine. Could I do it? Well, I did not say no.....

Honestly, I think most women have no idea just how our underwear has been eroticised. I mean, we all understand men are visual creatures, but, until I met men who wanted nothing more than to wear my underwear....well....it was a lesson for sure.

Can you imagine just how I felt?

[2B Natasha]

Your right katey

That was awhile ago and I moved on. That was a phase. Like acne. I moved on. I learned that that is not me. I thought I needed to post like that and it turns out. I don't. Besides. It's not the new ones that have me scratching my head it's the longer established ones. I probably should have made that clearer. BTW. It's not the posting that intrigue me. It's the statements that it isn't a fetish. By reading some of they accounts it is like very mild porn sometimes. I feel like asking my computer if it wants a cigarette after Reading them. And your right. I don't have to read it and I don't always. I skip it and move to the body of the thought or story. End of the day. I don't care if you have that as a fetish or not. I agree that we all have something. I just wonder why we as a group or individually, don't or won't admit it. You yourself admit to having one that you won't mention.

I think they cancelled full house because it was just bad IMHO.

[Wildaboutheels]

Um.. you left out HOBBY which IS an accurate description for the vast majority.

Might as well through in ADDICTION for at least 99% of the CDers on the planet. Having a few Os here and there while "dressed" WILL do that to a fellow. Those silly male BRAINS of ours seem to have a mind of their own.

FACT: [Though I have not a clue how many search engines there are] Google alone showed 28 pages of results currently when I type in the word CROSSDRESSERS.

My "guess" is that few of them are talking about or selling granny panties and flats.

[bimini1]

For what it's worth I have heard women discuss their drawers. Well, the drawers in their drawers or what kind they have on/like to wear. Hell, Victoria's Secret would not exist if women didn't at least want to wear something "sexualized" every now and again.
So all of women's bodies are fetishized. Why I don't know, chalk it up to the very nature of things I guess. That's why they can't go topless. What started at 4-5 years old may very well have not been a fetish then but what today is like what it was then? Where something starts is not usually where it ends up.

I think all or most of the talk of de-fetishizing it comes from plain old guilt. If I can make it into something not sexual I don't feel so bad or weird about it. So many of us at least will make an attempt to move beyond that and try to have some real experiences with it. But how many of us who have moved to a more "cosmetic" phase can truly say it's no longer a turn on in the least, not even a teentsy weenie bit?
C'mon be honest.

[kimdl93]

We is a sometimes overly inclusive term. We are all CDrs, or lovers of CDrs. Some of us are here for purely sexualized experiences with CDing and that's ok. It's not my thing and I frankly don't care to see many of us in our lingerie...there are a few who can really look good to my eye anyway. I don't dress for that reason, and other than for sarcasm, I won't inquire about the color of anyone's panties.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Well of course it's a fetish, for some, in some ways.

I definitely had a fetish thing going on in earlier years. It's still there, a little bit. It was mostly about close fitting clothing, underwear (obviously) sports clothing, usual things. These days, the fetish aspect has mostly retreated to the background, comfort in underwear is much more up front, womens underwear is far superior to mens, I even find the right styles fit better. I can find some very comfy mens if i go hunting, but dear god the good stuff is expensive! Much easier and cheaper to find womens ones that fit and buy on sale!

A lot, (maybe most) guys have never considered underdressing, but many have. The honest ones have realised that its superior, and the taboo aspect adds to the simple sensual pleasure of it. Whooppeeedo! It fulfils the function required, it's more comfortable, and it gets your crank turning, what's not to like?

These days I realise that part of the "thrill" is the idea that this is someting that I can do that is about sexual , physical display. Men "aren't supposed to do that" in current mainstream society. Phooee to that!

Given the level of liquid refreshment that I have taken, this post may or may not make sense.

[Sara Jessica]

While I generally agree with you Natasha, I also follow the practice of steering clear of these discussions.

But have you ever heard a clutch of women sitting around discussing ad nauseam their underwear?

Hmmmm? I have one example...

I was talking to a friend several years ago, a young woman (as in younger than my own springtime youth ) who worked in a boutique that I shop at. She was talking about this site, having explored here a bit and as I was lamenting about some of the content (admittedly feeling as if I had to distance myself from "those" threads), she said "I'm always talking with my girlfriends about our panties".

Seriously, some people simply enjoy those threads and seemingly get a kick out of simply typing out certain words (cue Beavis saying "eh um eh...she said panties!!!"). There's nothing really wrong with it and like the common theme goes, if we're not so into those discussions, they're pretty easy to avoid.

[Lucy_Bella]

For many including myself, it's possible that the clothing ( including the unmentionables ) can be sexually arousing and yes even for the older dressers..To be sexually aroused doesn't mean physically going through the motions all the time ( that's mostly saved for the younger dressers who are aroused by the clothing)..In fact even for some, to even talk about the items they have on can make them sexually aroused ( as a fetish ) or be a form of being sexually aroused just like going out could be.. To define being sexually aroused doesn't always mean you have to go through the physical act of sex..Being sexually aroused makes you feel good or better and relieves stress as well..I can understand and appreciate the OP's POV if one is talking about what they are wearing and getting a kink out of it ..

[docrobbysherry]

Unfortunately, Natasha, u have stumbled upon one of my pet peeves.

Even more unfortunately, I've had my evening glass of wine!

Ever since I first arrived here about 7 years ago, I suffered the slings and arrows of being a "fetish dresser" simply because looking like a female excites me.

Thru the years I have also suffered thru the countless "pantie" threads that r posted here. Panties not being one of my fetishes, I don't take part in them.

Why would ANYONE be so interested in clothing no one ever sees unless it arouses them? And yet, I'm the "fetish dresser"?

[PinkCDgirl34B]

Well, it's better than talking about flatulence (which some people do a lot). Seems to me it's time for a new panty thread, or maybe a slip thread or girdle thread, camisole thread. You get the picture.

What Kate said. I LOVE foundation wear! It's what entranced me into crossdressing.

[JessMe]

It's important to note here just how much variation there is between members just what "being a crossdresser" means. ...there are those that just want to feel normal (their posts are usually more along the lines of: got dressed, bought groceries. ), those that will tell you directly that they are fetishists (wore my new VS thong for my SO and enjoyed lovemaking)... annnnnnd those who fall somewhere between the extremes. We are all unique human beings, and we are very diverse. ...myself; I won't talk about my undies (they're called "unmentionables" for a reason)... but I'll be the first to talk outfits. Lol

[Ressie]

Even though I don't participate in "what are you wearing" threads I don't deny that I'm a fetish dresser all the way! Love blue panties BTW!

[samantha rogers]

With understanding and respect for your view, I just want to point out that there are many places along the road to self discovery. Some among us are indeed purely fetishistic, and will never be anything else. But others, though they may pass through that as a phase, eventually move on to dressing and going out and even beyond to full transexual status, all in the quest for self expression and authenticity. It is a big world. All are cds of one stripe or another, at least, for the most part, at some point. In a society that all to often groups us all together disparagingly as supposed "deviants" and "freaks", is it too much to ask for a little compassionate inclusiveness amongst ourselves? I really don't mean to seem harsh.

[AllieSF]

You may not need to know about those details, but others may enjoy reading about them. If women do not talk regularly about these topics, who cares? We are men who like to dress in women's clothing, that gives all of us the right to talk about them. It, as can be seen in the number of these types of threads, is only natural for some of us to celebrate what we buy and wear, outer wear and underwear. Just because some people, including me on rare occasions, participate in pantie threads and talk about their lingerie does not in any way indicate or mean that we are fetishists. Some are, but I doubt that the majority are. Hell, a fun thread is just that, whether it is "another" pantie thread or it is about something else. When I read some of these personal opinion rant threads, it is not that I disagree with one's right to start this type of thread, but they really make me wonder about the OP. On a support site like this for the whole spectrum of TG oriented members and their SO's and others, it appears, whether intended or not, that the OP's are looking down their long noses at those that are different from themselves. Sounds familiar when looking at how the outside world sometimes looks at us. Whether one admits or denies that it is a fetish to them should mean nothing to us. Do we really need to always correct what they think when it is not really relevant to them enjoying themselves? If they are having fun, acting legally and not harming anyone else, then why make a big deal about it. Sure we all have bad days when we then read something that pushes a hot button or two. That happens to me sometimes. I normally just ignore it at first, as hard as that can be sometimes when I really want to reply. I may respond later hopefully in a more reasoned way. I have even wanted to start a rant thread about these types of useless and sometimes denigrating threads. Fortunately, so far I have been able to control that. There, now I feel better too!

[ME2.0]

If it's a fetish for you, then it is. Everyone has a different reason for dressing. I have about 8 dresses, but only 2 bra's and one gaff pantie. I also have about 6 skirts and 4 tops. Hardly the underwear fetishist. But sex is not why I do it. I do it as a form of escape. When my skin gets to tight as a guy, I'm free to become Staci for a few hours. There's no guilt, there's really no sexual turn on, I don't like guys, I'm married, and my wife approves. I don't consider it a fetish, I consider it a form of therapy. I look in the mirror, and I'm not me anymore. At least until I wash it off.

Hugs
Staci

[mariehart]

Of course it's a fetish for many. I do think perhaps we dance around the topic sometimes. But this forum is more broadbased than others, maybe a little conservative. But there are plenty of CD sites with a lot more fetishism going on.

Sadly I don't have a fetish unless occasionally feeling sexy counts. I am too boring. As for women not talking like that. I'm not so sure. I've often being among women accepted as one of them. The frankness of the discussion would shock most men. Even panties. I remember being shown one in wear to general approval. To be fair the talk was more about comfort and style in this case.

So let's be upfront about it. For some it's a fetish.

[Teresa]

Natasha,
Just a comment about women discussing underwear, a female work colleague commented on my wife's bust, she had just had her measurements checked and was wearing her new bra, she then lifted her top to show everyone, ( all females !) So who knows what else women talk about when they get together and why were underwear parties so popular at one time ?

[Seana Summer]

For some it is a fetish and for some its not.

I almost always read the threads about shoes but I do not consider myself to have a shoe fetish. I am simply looking for better fitting shoes. If I were unhappy with my panties I would read every panty thread to find out what is working for others.

I tend not to read the threads about whether or not you are attracted to men, sleep with men, hook up with men etc. . Maybe no one talks about that any more I don't know because I avoid those threads. I also do not read the threads about transitioning or taking female hormones. I am just not interested.

That dose not mean that I don't want those folks to post about it!! Just don't expect me to read or respond............... but please carry on without me

Some of you just get your panties in a knot too easily!! We are all different and have different interests and yes, fetishes whatever they may be.

BTW I just woke up after a long night.......still cranky......I am wearing my red silk nightie and Warner panties.......very comfy, I'd really be cranky if I wasn't...........In case one of you is interested...

and NO I am not going to post a pic