Can we truly stop? (All responses welcomed)

[ReineD]

First, I don't think one answer fits all. People crossdress for different reasons and the intensity varies among individuals.

I tend to agree with Wild, that for the vast majority of CDers, it's a sexual thing, whether it has reached the point of compulsion or not; people can CD for fetish without it being problematic. Many (most?) fetish CDs are likely not members here since this forum wouldn't be fun for them. They go to the gadzillion other websites that cater to men who do this for thrills or sexual pleasure. Maybe some of them double dip and come here too. So can they stop? I suppose it depends on whether CDing brings more negative consequences to their lives than positive ones. But I think it's just a fun thing to do for most. Maybe some stop when and if the sexual thrill is no longer there, when maybe some even join this site!

As to our members who ponder things (not the ones who JUST post pics in the Gallery, or who like to have fun in the stereotypical CD threads like panties, bras, triggers, etc) this is what I don't get: If IT is an integral part of a personality, then we have to define "IT". Is it a female identity (TS)? If so, then why is it acceptable to have a male body and a male life? Or is it a thing for clothes (for some) or for femininity (for others)? Wanting to be feminine is quite different than having a female gender identity. And if it's a thing for femininity, then is this not another variation of having a thing for clothes? Or is it an identity not as a TS but as a crossdresser in its own right (a male who dresses)? If so, then again can we say there is a female gender identity involved? I mean, do crossdressers really have Gender Dysphoria (a conflict between physical sex and gender identity), if they do not wish to make any changes to their bodies and they are happy in their male lives?

And for the life of me I cannot understand the late bloomers, the ones who say they had no clue before their 40s, 50s, or even 60s, although I do understand having repressed this for years and perhaps having it come out only in fantasy until such point when it could no longer be repressed.

For the record, my SO began when he entered adolescence. He did it in hiding throughout his teenage years like many CDers here, but put it aside during college. No privacy. He dabbled a bit during the three years after his undergrad degree, but put it aside again for the following 10 or so years during his grad degree, post-doc, and various teaching assignments trying to find a job (no time and no money). He did have a long-term SO during the latter part of his 30s, and they both had fun with it in the bedroom on occasion, but that's as far as it went. He did get into it more seriously in his 40s (I think this is when it stopped being so sexual), but he was single and closeted from the public. It didn't bloom until we met, in his late 40s. At that point he had the time, his job was secure, and he had me. He then kinda went overboard for some years (goodness that was difficult :p), but now things are on an even keel … in fact, less than an even keel because there just doesn't seem to be the time lately. I miss it and encourage it as much as I can. So we could say that he didn't really start until his 40s, and of course this is true, but it has been there all along on and off since his teens.

I don't think he'll ever stop, nor is there any reason to. In terms of gender identity, my SO identifies as dualgender - gender fluid if you will, with aspects of both gendered characteristics. Up until his late 40s, he identified as male. I don't know why the switch, other than recognizing this had morphed from being sexual to not so sexual. He never repressed himself, he was never ashamed of the dressing (he rather thought that society was idiotic for having such unimaginative rules) so I can't say that his inner identity emerged. It was always there, he always allowed it. I do not consider my SO a typical male, he definitely is a feminine male but I think he's been like this all his life. He certainly isn't a different person dressed than in male mode. And he does not consider himself a female. So pronouns are problematic. I refer to him as "he" when I think of him in male mode and "she" in female mode.

So there you have it. We are an unconventional couple and we love it.

PS. Willpower plays no part in recovering from addictions to drugs or alcohol, and sex, porn, over-eating, gambling, shopping, or other compulsions if the compulsions are severe.