How do you "become" a woman?

[Dianne S]

That may be true. But I don't see how loved ones are supposed to differentiate between such strong denial and late onset transsexuality.

As you say, there's not much point in distinguishing. Late-onset or late-realization transexuality or whatever you call it is utterly devastating for the spouse. It's no less devastating than if her husband was diagnosed with cancer.

I feel horrible for my wife; she is going through a very difficult time. At the same time, so am I. I didn't ask to be trans and I wouldn't choose to be trans, but it is what it is and we need to deal with it.

[Brianna_H]

Late-onset or late-realization transexuality or whatever you call it is utterly devastating for the spouse. It's no less devastating than if her husband was diagnosed with cancer.

Not all spouses feel this way. My wife vastly prefers me as a transgender person over me dying of cancer. Neither of us fit neatly into gender boxes in the first place. Her one and only concern so far is that we stay together no matter what and I feel the same.

Humans can hide a lot from themselves. In high school one of our teachers came out as a homosexual after decades of marriage and having a kid. It caused huge trauma for his family and really was a case of living a lie for so long. It's no secret that we can fool even ourselves for a long time. It seems to me that there are people who figure it out early and those who see it late, but it's a gradient, not a line between two different issues.

[Angela Campbell]

Maybe you were more intense than I or maybe it wasn't beat out of you as much or maybe you are braver than I was. I tried everything I could to hide it for so long.