What is the phenomenon for early crossdressing?

[JayeLefaye]

Jaye, I can't help feeling you're mixing up feminine with submission and vulnerability. Many, many do this here, yet if anyone here had actually walked a mile in a woman's life they'd fast realise that women are some of the toughest people you'll meet. I think we're tougher and more resilient than men. But somehow, because we're physically weaker and our clothes just happen to be prettier, it's become assumed that feeling vulnerable and gentle means you're feeling feminine.

So maybe crossdressing is a male version of feminine and then there are actual females and the two have very little in common once you scratch below the surface.

Valid point Tink, and thanks for reading enough of my post to catch that. Rest assured that "submission and vulnerability" are not in my definition of the Feminine. Throughout history, the resilience and strength of women has been underestimated by the male culture, which is a pity!

All I was really getting at regarding that one scene, was that I didn't identify with the macho dudes who should be coming to her rescue. It's just that for that one moment, for reasons I can't explain, my 7 year old brain identified with the woman...And then I went back to being a dirt-loving boy...Was weird......But in the MANY years since then, well, let's just say that, thankfully, my understanding of genders has expanded, leaving me still clueless in many ways, but life's a journey, and I just want to keep advancing down the trail, wherever it may lead.

Jaye

[Confucius]

Cheryl, I really believe cross-dressing begins with the way our brains are hard-wired in very early childhood. It is a form of synesthesia, a crossing of neurons where activity in one pathway causes an automatic and involuntary response in a second neurological pathway.

In our first three years of life our brains are making neurological connections at a feverish rate (700-1000 neurological connections per second), and by the age of three you have many more neural connections than at adulthood. This period is followed by neurological pruning where, through the learning process, some nonsense connections are cut while others are reinforced. Now many of our life experiences during this period are lost because of childhood amnesia (most people have no memories of their first three years). However, I believe that most adult crossdressers experienced some sort of female envy during their first three years, and this became hard-wired in their brains. From this point onward their brain will respond to cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. Therefore, when you were an adolescent and you experimented with cross-dressing, for whatever reason, your brain responded (automatically and involuntarily) just as if you were in contact with a female.

This is why most men can cross-dress and not feel anything special but embarrassment, and others, like ourselves, experience a rush of neurotransmitters (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and others) that produce sensations of well-being and gratification. It's hard-wired in our brains from an early age.

In my case, my mother really, really wanted a daughter when she got me. However when I was just 6 months old she found herself pregnant again. This time she gave birth to my sister. My mother would often tell us the story of my sister's birth and how that was the happiest day of her life. My sister was my mother's little princess. She was pampered and treasured. I grew up believing that all parents preferred girls because they were more virtuous, smarter, prettier, and just nicer than boys. Girls got all the attention, all the pretty things, all the love. And, I also believed that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. That was my childhood reality. As I grew and matured my reality changed, and I learned to appreciate being male, however by brain was already hard-wired.

[Isabella Ross]

I have no idea, and while I'm still curious as to why I am the way I am, it's no longer my life's mission to figure it out. One thing is for sure: we are born the we are; we're not the product of some forced fem episode in our childhoods, TV ads, alien abductions, etc.

[Lorileah]

I want to make a point here. We do not start as female Genetically you are at the least XY, not XX. There are some who may have an extra gene that adds and X (*Like XYX or XXY) and the development of the embryo can be mixed (pseudohermaphrodite and hermaphrodite) but you are not made female and then changed to male. Technically all embryos appear the same in that stage of development...the genes direct the external genitalia as the embryo matures. The argument is specious at best because you start with a tail also....that doesn't mean you started as a new world monkey.

If there were one simple answer to the OP, we wouldn't have this site. Things would be "corrected" as the medical community likes to do early on.

[Savannah_Skye]

Ever since I can remember my gender identity just did not fit into "normal" society. My first encounters with cross-gender behaviors came when I was five, possibly earlier, and I enjoyed being a girl even though it was forbidden. Thinking back I was just naturally attracted to more feminine things such as dresses and nail polish. No one informed me being a princess was incorrect, but the first time in a dress was truly a wonderful experience as I felt myself. So maybe there is something with brain chemistry or wiring but in reading experiences and reflecting on my own, it seemed to come about naturally even if another event helped draw it out.

Although there may have been an internal cause for my first impulses and continued cross-dressing, I wonder if part of the "cause" relates to perceptions of gender identity and the assignment to remain in a particular identity. Nobody appears to be looking for the cause of gender "compliant" behavior, but reaching outside that box seems to cause alarm. After all, I am just being me and expressing what I feel defines me. Sorry don't mean to rant, but I feel the cause wouldn't be as challenging (maybe just for me) if society did not adhere to these assignments.

[Gina Glowe]

I am sure that if you could unravel that one, and you set up a couch, you could be set for life- I have studied and studied, and hypothesized etc about so many things- is it related to the added female hormones in the milk? Did my mother cause it when she scolded me for exposing myself in public when I was four?(weird,right?) Is it just a product of our times, where the man has acquired a softer role in the modern world -as opposed to hunter /killer/provider. Is it related to something that happens in the brain in the womb? If i were to attempt to come up with a reason again, i would have to admit that in my case, I started on a particular day -very young, with no prodding, or assistance, for no immediate apparent reason. There I was in the bathroom, wearing my mother's stockings. It almost seems that it was predetermined- my mother was a great mom- loving and even keeled with all of us- o well, this doesn't answer anything, just another point of view. I still to this day believe that I am a two edged sword- male and female. and I do not have a clear cut answer why.......

[Debra Russell]

I remember first wearing my sisters silky slip under my clothes when I was about 3-4 yr's old and cd'ed when I could in private ever after that - prayed to wake as a girl at about 14 (not gona happen) - did all male stuff sports ect. all through school - married 47 yr's and the wife knows but does not really understand. I have experienced all most every cd experience and relate to everyone here - at times really wish I was truly born different but live with what I have/am a crossdresser not totally accepted and still don't know why my self....God bless us all...................................Debra

[LilSissyStevie]

Jaye, I can't help feeling you're mixing up feminine with submission and vulnerability.

I think you are mixing up femininity and women. In fact, that's what crossdressing is all about. Submissiveness and vulnerability have been associated with femininity since...like... forever. The problem is, like you say, that it doesn't really describe what women are like any more than masculinity describes men. Femininity and masculinity are not descriptions, they're just a bunch of culturally based rules, regulations, expectations and associations for the sexes. There is no way that anyone can be inherently feminine or masculine. This is obvious when we look across different cultures, classes and eras. The rules change all the time. But, we're kind of stuck with what we inherit from our cultural milieu.

In my case, being an overly sensitive, vulnerable, submissive boy led me, because of the cultural associations I inherited, to identify with femininity rather than masculinity. And since femininity was also associated with dresses, etc. You get the picture - in for a penny, in for a pound. But I don't pretend that anything I do, which might be considered a cross gender activity, has anything to do with being a woman. That should be clear as mud.

[Amy Fakley]

It's interesting to me, how this topic of "what is the cause?" Is like a coral reef on this forum. This massive thing that never dies and is so calcified you could build a city on it ... and figuratively, many of us do. Just look at how invested some of us are in our explanations!

I think maybe that's because the question is loaded. The question: "What made you start crossdressing?", is really just sort of a proxy for "whose fault is this?" ... which is really just a proxy for "am I a bad person?"

I am firmly of the opinion that being a crossdresser cannot make you a bad person in and of itself. So does it even matter if it's a simple trick of brain chemistry or if our mothers and sisters inadvertently gave us ideas, or if it's genetic or even if we're all self deluded and could walk away in an instant if we wanted to? My experience points toward it being an innate thing from birth, but I really don't think it matters.

Crossdressing does not make you a bad person. Obviously, lots of people out in the world disagree with me on that point, but all of us here know it's true. Being self centered, inconsiderate, hurting others ... those things make you a bad person, and no matter which way you slice it those things are a matter of choice, regardless of whether crossdressing is or not.

[AlexisRaeMoon]

Amy, this is one of the best posts I've ever read! It's funny how the most concise, simple statements, "Crossdressing does not make you a bad person," can have so much meaning. I'd never thought of it that way, but I don't think we'd spend so much asking ourselves these questions if there wasn't still deep-seeded belief that what we do is somehow "wrong." I know I've struggled with it my whole life. The very first time I tried on some of my mother's clothes and heels, when I was like 13, I was consumed by guilt afterwards. I distinctly remember thinking, "oh my god, I can never undo this. For the rest of my life I will have to live with the knowledge that I tried on women's clothing. What have I done?" You'd think I committed a mortal sin!

I still struggle with the guilt to this day. It's hard not to in this society. But thank you for this little ray of sunshine. Every little bit helps!

[Dianne S]

Science major here. Crossdressing is not likely to be genetic as then it would run in families--it would be revealed.

I think there is a genetic component to people being on the transgender spectrum, whether "just" crossdressers or transsexuals. Obviously, it's not as simple as a "crossdressing gene" but I bet there is some statistically-significant increase in the likelihood that someone is transgender if someone in their family is.

(Check your parents and kids, OK?)

Anecdotal, I know, but after I came out to my family, my sister told me that a cousin of mine had crossdressed. I knew the cousin, but had no idea he was CD.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Wow! So many answers and so many great insights. I don't think any of us in our lifetimes will ever know the real answer. I suppose it is what it is. I just know that I love everything feminine and now that I'm retired I can enjoy being me. I only wish I could be more passable and move about freely as in doing errands or shopping. Were I able to interrupt puberty and be able to live ambigously I would have. But that's in hindsight. Nature has unfortunately made me appear as a biological male for all these years.

Before puberty I really enjoyed being a girl at any opportunity. It just felt right. When the hormones kicked in I really hated the changes to my voice and development. I hated shaving and becoming a gawky guy. But I followed the expectations of society. Yes, there was a slight sexual element to my CDing but feel I envied and was attracted to women to just be one. Today my sexual desire is just about zero and it feels like I'm reverting back to pre-puberty living as a woman, which I do.

Whatever the cause or however we're predisposed, I'm just happy being me.

Cheryl

[Lorna]

Contributors to this discussion are to be congratulated on the high quality of their expressed ideas and their clarity. It is good to read such well-written comments.

What is clear is that there are very many routes by which we have come to our interest and practice in cross-dressing. A sizeable proportion of contributors see it as beginning in very young childhood or even in the womb. Many attribute their interest to observation (and even envy) of a close female sibling. For some, the early interest developed into total transition while, for others, it has remained more like a hobby or provides a degree of comfort or satisfaction. Quite a few writers describe a feeling of being in the wrong gender or of always sensing femininity rather than masculinity. It is clear that all these are sincerely held attributions.

In my case, I don't recall ever wishing I was a girl or envying girls in my childhood years. I had no sisters and no close female relatives. It was only when I began to notice girls as physically attractive (around the age of 13) that I also began to notice their clothing and became curious about what it must feel like to wear those clothes. I didn't want to be a girl: I was quite happy being a boy, but I wished it had been acceptable to wear girls' clothes. Instead I had to content myself with trying my mother's things (the only source of female clothing) until I was quite a bit older. Having said that, while I wouldn't see myself, and don't think others see me, as effeminate, I am nevertheless not a macho male. I am not keen on most sport, dislike violence, guns, war, etc intensely, and can often empathise with women's point of view.

For me, then, I think it's heavily weighted towards nurture rather than nature and towards physical sensations rather than attitudes of mind.

[Beverley Sims]

I blamed the Atom Bomb years ago.

Then it was daylight saving.

Now I believe it is cellphone radiation.

Any other theories?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Cheryl, For almost 68yrs. it's just who I am , And it's just who I am.

[sabrinaedwards]

I have read many posts that say it does not matter as to the reason why we cross dress, and I do not know the reason why. I wish that I had a clue as to why I CD in that I am in a DADT relationship.I wish I could explain to my SO as to why I CD, when I cannot understand it myself. As I have posted previously, I am a successful male. That being stated, I love being totally dressed. The only analogy for me is that I am like a light switch, one position I am male and the other female. My theory is the two personas do not meld together, we are either on or the other.
Love, Sabrina

[Jeninus]

I lean toward the theory that in the 6th or 8th week of gestation there is a hormone wash through the fetus' brain that helps direct it toward being hardwired as male or female. If the wash is not of sufficient strength, the brain may be somewhat closer to the middle of the bell curve between being 100% male or female. So I don't think it's genetic, simply an accident that might reflect the mother's stress or state of health during that critical stage. It is a theory, not fact, but I find it persuasive.

In my case, one of my earliest memories was at the age between 3 and 4. It was in England and I was following my mother and grandmother and admiring the way their skirts swayed from side to side and watching their legs with their seamed stockings (this was probably some time in 1946). At age 5, in Canada, I found my mother's corset, put it on and wandered into the front yard. At age 10 I had my little collection of nylons. At age 13, at a church YPF retreat there was a contest to see who could be the most masculine girl and feminine boy. That was exciting, getting clothes and make-up help from the girls - and of course I was the proud winner of "most feminine boy."

After a couple of years of marriage my wife found out. After the initial crisis, she became fully accepting and we've been happy since. Yes, I always wanted to be a girl, but am content as I am now since I can dress as much as I want at home and do get to go out occasionally en femme with my wife and a couple of gay friends, who also accept me as I am. I think being CD/TG does make us better, gentler husbands and more empathetic toward women and their issues.

Certainly, when you are out en femme, you can feel that vulnerability that women feel - and it isn't the fear of being outed that I am thinking of.

[fiseldon5]

What greater tribute can you pay than to become more and more like the girls you love

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Fiseldon, it depends if you want the girls to love you back. Flowers are definitely higher on the tribute list

And I find all these theories fascinating. Lorna's yours fits my H the best. His was nurture, too, and it is still a tactile experience for him. But I also think there are as many reasons as there are men who dress. As for the genetics theory and how transgender can sometimes be found in families, my guess is that's nothing more than a coincidence as latest research suggests up to 10% of men crossdress so at some point you're going to hit these statistics in a family.

[Tina B.]

I've cross dressed for over 60 years, and I can tell you with precision just why I dress, I remember that day so well. I was around 6 years old, and had been told to go take a bath, when I got into the bathroom and closed the door, there on the back of the door hanging on a hook, was my big sisters full slip. White, silky, and so feminine, I had to try it on, and it felt good. After that, any thing any female in the family left in the bathroom was fair game. I had to wait a few years before getting to stay home alone, but when it finally happened I found my little slice of heaven.
What made me want to wear that slip, who knows, and if I hadn't tried it on, would my life have been any different, I doubt it. If not that slip, I'm sure something else would have caught my attention, because, it felt so right, I'm sure it was meant to be.
But then by the time I was 5 I had already been an honorary girl scout with my sisters troop, so in my case, I just realized for the first time, it might be Nurture in my case, although, I have always prescribe it to hormones in the womb.
Until now, I had forgotten my time as a girl scout.

[Jennifer in CO]

Bev - sun spots and ozone depleation

[Ressie]

when I got into the bathroom and closed the door, there on the back of the door hanging on a hook, was my big sisters full slip.

I urge all women to keep their clothing in a locked closet to prevent boys from trying anything on!

if I hadn't tried it on, would my life have been any different, I doubt it.

This is unknown, but curious young boys tend to find a way because they're CDs at heart!

[sometimes_miss]

It lay dormant but when I was about 11-12 something just "clicked" in my head like a switch turning on. Any thoughts about a cause? Cheryl

11-12 is around onset of puberty. Whether you feel sexual urges when crossdressing or not, a lot of things change in our brains besides sexual desires when the hormones really start to flow in huge amounts during those years. Although no studies have been done (afaik), I believe that gender identity starts becoming permanant during those years as well.

Edit: One of the problems with the concept of genetic causes of crossdressing is, of course, that we have only had gender specific attire for less than 1% of the history of our species. There isn't enough time for such a gene to manifest itself and spread to 2.5% of the male population, also considering that those who have it are less likely to reproduce (or even survive long enough to reproduce, especially in more primitive times where feminine males were even more likely to be shunned from the 'tribe') in the first place.

[wannabeGirl84]

This is unknown, but curious young boys tend to find a way because they're CDs at heart!

You are so right.. haha.. not so young now... but I am still a CD at heart... the closet one though

[Jorja]

I never really liked early crossdressing. That meant setting the alarm early and crawling out of bed way too early in the morning. So a couple of snips and a tuck or two and all I have to do is roll out of bed and get dressed. Of course I am not crossdressing anymore. Oh well, works for me.