A common statement by cross-dressers is, "I am only attracted to women but when I am 'dressed' [athenased] I think about sex with a man". To which the response is that they are homosexual and in denial to which the cross-dresser replies, "I am not!", to which the respondent claims that they must be bisexual.

I have written a longer post on sexual identity but have not posted it (it is very long). My response in another place to someone who posed a variation of the above conundrum may be a shorter means of introducing my concepts.

Minerva.

Hi, Vicki.

What is confusing is that most people conflate 'sex' with 'gender'. As a result they make conclusions based on false premises.

For example, nobody is heterosexual. Heterosexual supposedly means sexually aroused by or attracted to the opposite sex. First of all there is no 'opposite' sex. The sexes have more in common (two hands, teeth, hair, etc.) than they have differences. The differences are centred on one's role in reproduction and even there it is simply a matter of developing differently. Females develop ovaries and males (from the same, basic physiological elements) develop testes. To say that one is 'opposite' connotes a sense that one is better/worse, bad/good, right/wrong, etc. It is the 'other' sex and even then one has to remember that the sexes are equal and complimentary and not poles on some fictitious scale.

The second thing is that it is not the other person's sex that attracts you. Consider a so-called 'heterosexual' male. He sees a very lovely, young woman and is sexually attracted and aroused. But the woman is male. Not knowing that the woman is male, is he suddenly 'homosexual' (attracted to the same sex)? Of course not! If he learns that the woman is male and is still (not being a panic-stricken bigot) attracted, does this mean he has magically been transformed to a 'homosexual'? Again, of course not! That is because it was never the woman's sex that attracted him. It was her gender (femininity rather than femaleness).

If it was the other person's sex that attracted a person, then, by definition, they would be attracted to ALL persons of that sex. This is not true so it is not the other person's sex that attracts. Thus 'homosexual', 'heterosexual', 'bisexual', etc., cannot be applied to people to define their sexual orientation. They can be applied to various sexual situations. For example male-male intimacy IS homosexual (same-sex) coitus, but that does not mean that either or both persons ARE 'homosexual'. In fact, with a little thought, you may be able to consider situations where both participants are male and at least one is not 'homosexual'. So the commonly used terms are not only misleading they are meaningless.

I prefer the terms androphile, gynecophile, asexual, ambiphile and androgynophile to describe various sexual orientations. Androphile means attracted to masculinity or to men (not males necessarily as men is the gender and not the sex). Gynecophile is attracted to women (regardless of their sex). Asexual means not wanting to be sexual (possibly romantic). Ambiphile means attracted to either or any gender. Androgynophile is attracted to someone of a blended gender or who is essentially genderless (a whole other topic).

Some people try to equate, for example, androphile with homosexual but that is an error. Both males and females can be androphiles, and a androphilic female is not 'homosexual'. Basically, as far as sexual attraction goes, sex has nothing to do with it. It is all about gender.

Another factor is sexual identity. Most people think this means whether you think you are male or female, Regardless of what you 'think', you ARE male or female, and that's not going to change. Besides that's 'sex identity' and no matter how you identify, it's still not going to change. 'Sexual' has to do with coitus, intercourse, or whatever you want to call it. And, unless you are trying to make babies, sex (male-female) has nothing to do with it. Gender does.

Sexual Identity is how you see yourself in a sexual situation. There are basically three roles: passive-receptive (feminine), active-initiative (masculine) or co-operative masculine-masculine, feminine-feminine or a variety of other combinations (if one adds androgyny). Some people are gender variant. Most people are gender invariant. That is why most males prefer to be masculine, most females prefer to be feminine, etc. This is true with sexual identity as well. The gender variant, however, when masculine may prefer to be active-initiative and when feminine they may wish to be passive-receptive. A male, gender variant, gynecophile when feminine still likes women but can be, by her own femininity, aroused to want to be in a sexual situation with a male in a passive-receptive and feminine role. It is not the male's sex so much as the male's sexual apparatus. This is why a gender variant male can have a good sexual relationship with a male without any extensive romantic component. It's just sexual!

If you can remember that sex (male-female) and gender (androgynous, masculine and feminine) are completely different things, that sex does not really matter but gender does then the erroneous nature of a lot of terminology, the confusion those errors create and massive misunderstandings concerning them become clear.

So it is possible for a gender variant male to want to have, and to have, an intimate relationship with another male without either of them being 'gay'. As for your being attracted to women, if you see a really sexy cross-dresser and feel aroused, it is not because you are 'gay' but because you are a male gynecophile.

Minerva.