Hi Promethea,

I think my situation is similiar to yours and I will eventually be in your shoes. I told my mother about a year ago and that didn't go down very well and now we're hardly talking to each other anymore. The DADT approach is a very insidious way of undermining any efforts in building a trusting relationship and may lead to further indifference and misunderstandings. Sometimes, I wished that my mother would just pluck some courage and ask me so I can answer her questions but she has chosen not to say anything. Maybe she wanted to avoid conflict, maybe she didn't know how to deal with it and was still processing the stuff I told her, maybe she is in denial, who knows?

I wish to change your focus a little bit.

I don't know about the whole "just-live-your-life-and-be-happy" philosophy because I don't believe that is possible and a person's goal in life shouldn't be to seek "happiness". I do what I do because I feel that it will help me grow and putting my life on hold for my mother/family was impeding my growth. I believe a person's goal in life should be to seek "understanding of oneself". And people like us will never understand our true selves and potential if we were held back for whatever reasons. But understanding oneself is an arduous process and there's no guarantee of happiness at the end of the tunnel, hence many people chose "happiness" over "understanding".

I wouldn't subscribe to the fallacy that humans are born to be happy so I don't expect myself to be happy, at least not all the time. Humans wade through ups and downs in order to find meaning for themselves. It is one the existential questions all humans ask ie "what is my purpose in life?".

I get this feeling that you wanted your family involved but was afraid of causing more harm than good. However, you did not mention "why" you wanted your family involved. Is this related to "happiness" or "personal growth"? Happiness is not always synonymous with growth.

Either way, you are screwed (so am I). I don't know if there was a right way to approach family but I agree to what Rianna said
Quote Originally Posted by Rianna Humble View Post
if you are forced to cut the ties with your parents, just leave a channel of communication open in case they later change their mind and want to apologise.
But while you're waiting for them to move past their anger and fear, you really ought to make sense of your experience because you have to grow one way or another. It won't guarantee you happiness, nothing will, but at least you would know why.

And finally, there's nothing wrong with being sad as long as you're not on the brink of suicide. The buddha said "in time, you will realise that misery is your only friend." There are many ways to interpret this so I'll leave it up to you.

Take care Promethea.

Love,
Sarah