I've been biding my time commenting on this topic and wondering really what was the point of the OP in order to address it properly, and I think it distills to the closing paragraph:
I'm sure your feelings are honest GM - for your relationship, for you as individuals and your specific circumstances and particularly, the strength of feeling associated with your need and motivation to CD. But I wouldn't want anyone reading this to believe that there aren't any other options. Through two relationships and with children in the second I have never revealed this side of me to either SO in over 35 years... and nor do I see any need to presently.Originally Posted by gendermutt
Perhaps it's related to my need and motivation and how that has developed over time - perhaps I'm fortunate in that I can control 'it' rather than 'it' controlling me... It has developed further over the past few years, but nothing like some of the stories that I've read of here and I can assure you I retain the deepest sympathy for many of those where revealing has been necessary and the relationship has foundered. I can fully appreciate where someone has suffered for decades and cannot bear to repress their feelings any further for fear of the ongoing damage that repression is causing...
But not everyone suffers that much... Perhaps we see a member base here at cd.com that is more biased towards this because we seem to be the only place that does offer a significant amount of moral and practical support to those that need to go through the reveal process - it doesn't mean we all have to, nor that it would be best for everyone to do so. I've done this in one form or another for decades - only recently have I found the opportunity to broadcast this side of me publicly...
Had I wanted to do it for a while? Yes. Do I want to do it again? You bet! But in the right circumstances... Now here, I feel, are the significant differences between me and those of you who need to go further:
Do I need to involve my wife in this? No - I neither need to nor want to...
Do I need to do more than the specific events I want to be involved in? No - I am quite content with the time I have at home, and a few specific events I want to do that are more socially focused - I have no desire or need to go shopping, walk about the neighbourhood, go to coffee shops, underdress...
Do I think I can keep this part of me partitioned for ever...? Probably... I know that there have been long periods when the need to dress even occasionally has gone away for years - how would I feel if I revealed only for the desire to wane again AFTER my relationship went into a terminal nosedive because of that revelation..? Not happy, I think...
I'm putting this up here in this way only because if someone else is reading this who sees some similarity with my behaviour and circumstances, they might realise that the majority of opinion 'that the earlier the reveal, the better things will be..' is not necessarily the only way to approach the future if you are already in a relationship.
Katey x
