cheating

[spandexgirl188]

So to make a very long story short, i transitioned. Went through the whole phase, hrt and now im looking forward to surgery. I was scared of telling my whole family (i do have a wife and she is very suportive) so i took hormones and eventually i did tell my friends and family. one at a time. I have been going through a support group and i have heard lots of stories. Partners leaving, friends abandoning you, family leaving you and everyone thinking you are a freak. Except none of that happened to me. Everyone was accepting, including my dad whom i thought was going to think the worst of me. everyone is happy that im happy and my sisters are so excited to have the sister they always wanted. So why do i feel like i cheated? Like im supposed to gothrough the same things others do?

has anyone experienced this?

[AllieSF]

Maybe it is because probably 99% of the stories that you read hear and maybe elsewhere, most transitioners have had a hard time of it from mild issues to very serious ones. Please do not feel bad that yours has be easier. It is the luck of the draw. Have empathy for the others and do not look for issues of your own. Enjoy and celebrate what you have been blessed with. Thanks for sharing.

[justmetoo]

Sounds similar to the "imposter syndrome" where people feel like they are fakes when they succeed in a career or similar. You got lucky, with great friends and family. But maybe there are also more people that also got lucky and just don't talk about it much? Especially those who prefer to go "stealth"? You know, if it works out well, why talk about it (I mean, I could see people might feel that way).
Congratulations!

[Anne2345]

Hey, if life is good and everyone is supportive and happy for you - don't sweat it and be greatful for your good fortune!! To be certain, there is no prize given to the one who blows their life up the most around here.

As for me, I'm pretty much par for the course. I have lost damn near all of my friends and more than half of my family thinks I'm nuts and will no longer give me the time of day.

But you know what?! I've made new friends, and some incredible ones at that, and the relationships that I now have with those family members that do support me are so much more meaningful, real, honest, and rewarding than they were before.

Regardless, I would take my life as it is right now over any other point of my *previous* life as it was before. I wouldn't even have to think about it. Even in the face of all of the crap and BS it has taken to get to where I am now.

So if things are falling into place for you without a big fuss - take it and run with it.

But take nothing for granted, because the deeper you go into this, the more it tends to impact and influence how others perceive your reality. It takes time for others to fully appreciate what is going on. And what may appear to be acceptance now may evolve into something entirely different and not so positive in the future . . . .

[celeste26]

Since when does everyone agreeing with you mean you are wrong?

[Jorja]

In today's world acceptance is slowly becoming the norm. Be very glad that you did not have to suffer through the loss of family and friends. Be happy that you are not being treated as a freak because it really sucks. You need to be aware that there are still people out there that will not approve of your decision. They will call you every name in the book and some will still try to cause you bodily harm. Until that happens, enjoy your new world.

[Rianna Humble]

I'm really glad that your transition is going so well. I have had a similar experience to you with one or two fairly minor exceptions. When those turn up, I draw on the good experiences to get me through. Don't feel guilty, enjoy life as you were meant to live it.

[Peggie Lee]

I to have had a very easy time from when I first came out to family friends and my coworkers to having done 11 months of RLE with a surgery date this year but I know that others have not been as lucky, for which I am thankful to have transitioned at this time in my life because it would have been impossible for me to have done it earlier.
Life just is, go with it, no need to feel like you were cheating.

Peggie

[Barbara Ella]

I am so very happy that your transition is going so well, and hope that it continues in the same way for you in the future. Everyone is different, and your transition is yours alone to enjoy/struggle in whatever way necessary. If you can enjoy it and maintain friends/family, you go for it with all the gusto you can muster.

Hugs dear,

Barbara

[PaulaQ]

Its important to tell stories where things go well in transition. People need to understand that outcomes other than "horrible" are possible. Of course it is also important to remember that others may have a far worse time of it than you have, and to be sympathetic. I think a person needs to know all the possible outcomes, good and bad before they decide to try to transition. Having hope that a relatively good outcome us possible really can help someone though.

[Nigella]

The transgender community is no different from the rest of the human race This forum highlights that fact, we have members like you, some of whom have commented here, that their transition was as smooth as could be, I'm one of them. The flip side is that some lose everything, that is again well documented here as well. Enjoy the freedom you have

[Jennifer8]

Just cause everything didnt go boom doesnt mean it should right? Im sorta like you everythings going good for me mostly. Me and mom dont talk anymore prob never will but i got a great super nice mom in law and she loves having 2 daughters. its nice and great and all still sorta weird when people think were sisters thou and she lpoves to tease me thou calling me sis like really??? But ya just cause things are going good dont mean you havta feel bad.

[Sandra]

Don't ever feel bad about things going well. What has happened to you may give new members hope that things can be ok.

[phylis anne]

congrats on your experience , you are indeed lucky cherish it always
hugs phylis anne

[mechamoose]

"Cheating" implies a base lie. It implies that you were deceptive and it was done deliberately.

Lives are a long trip. What you wanted at 10, what you wanted at 20, what you want at 50 are all very different.

Communication about these changes are more important than the changes themselves.

- MM

[Dianne S]

I don't think you're cheating; you're just lucky. With a couple of exceptions (my ex of course being the most prominent), I have had nothing but support and good wishes from my family and friends. And I don't think it's that uncommon; I know about 20 people who are transitioning or have transitioned at our local social group, and I'd say about half of them had very supportive family and friends. Stories of smooth transitions are not that exciting, so they tend not to be talked about as much as ones that were very rocky.

Of course, I think a lot of it depends on where you live and on your social background. Where I live (a major city in Ontario, Canada) people tend to be pretty relaxed about issues of gender identity and sexual orientation, and we also tend not to be a very religious society.

As the saying goes: Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

[Lori Kurtz]

I've read and reread the Official Transsexual Rulebook, and can't find anywhere where it says you have to suffer. Granted, you are a very lucky lady. You still have a lot of time to live, and all kinds of things, both good and bad, lie ahead for you. Rejoice in the good things, and let them strengthen you for when you have to deal with the bad. We all get our share of both.

[I Am Paula]

Sometimes just take the ball and run with it, not questioning why things didn't go wrong.
I came out to about 500 people simultaniously on facebook, and got back about 500 beautiful letters congratulating me on my discision, and my new life.
My family was instantly 100% behind me.
I don't feel bad about this at all. Other than some frustrations, and some emotional moments, transition has been easy.
Just blessed I guess.

[PretzelGirl]

Smile and feel good that it is a product of the times and you have the right people around you who all accept it. I have been through the same. My wife was pushing my to transition before I decided to. She is now well bought in. My family embraced me immediately. And make no mistake, I am sure there are internal struggles for them, but they are not fessing up to them. Friends are all there for me and some re-engaged me when we hadn't seen each other in a while. Work was wonderful and let me help write policy. This week a lady I work with, but hadn't talked with in a long time, told me that the first couple of days she heard "did you hear..." and there has been no talk since. Our times are changed. All this doesn't mean that some relationships don't change and that something may not come up later. We tend to latch on to the rough experiences because they are so common and because fears tend to grip us easily. But feel elated. You have done it!

[Nigella]

I've read and reread the Official Transsexual Rulebook...

There's a rule book I guess it was not well written cos I don't think anyone here has followed the rules in the immortal words of Frank Sinartra , we did it our way, or summat like that :p

[KellyJameson]

I was always very clear about what I feared and the order of these fears.

First, I did not want to be raped and or killed.

I was that child no one could look at and figure out if it was a boy or girl so always listening to them ask my mother "What is it?"

When you grow up like this you learn how to survive being shunned and how to become "invisible".

Everything I survived and everything done to me for being "what I am' gave me very good survival skills and forced me to reduce everything down to the barest essentials.

I knew that I was broken from my ability to walk away from any relationship regardless of its importance to me "If I felt threatened"

To protect myself I held onto nothing so there was little to lose.

Being born transsexual can isolate you but you can also isolate yourself. Many transsexuals know the experience of living on the fringes of society even while you are participating in it.

When it came to transitioning I did not care what anyone thought because I did not fear the consequences of what could happen because of "what they thought" (except for physical violence) Everything else I knew how to survive by already having survived it.

By than I had become an expert at going around people and this was partly done by leaving them behind. Not holding onto people opened the door to finding people who accepted me as I am. This went a long way toward my becoming "who I am" because there was no one "holding me back by my holding onto them" (conforming)

Some people left and some have stayed and some may return and others may leave.

I do not live for my relationships with others yet those I love I would risk my life for probably before I would save myself.

This is how I love and how I love protected me in my transitioning.

Transitioning was difficult in ways that it has to be difficult but I did not make it harder than it already was because life had prepared me long ago for that moment by being born "different"

[TessaOKC]

Congrats on such a smooth transition. I'm out to my wife and she is very supportive, it's the rest of the world that makes me nervous. Job well done and I will let it serve as an inspiration for me!!!

[Karen62]

Don't ever feel bad about things going well. What has happened to you may give new members hope that things can be ok.

This is oh so true. The news media never reports on all of the good things that went well today --it's always "if it bleeds, it leads" pessimism and sensationalism. This is not in any way to discount the real harrowing times some transwomen have suffered, but this message apparently implies that transition is not a universally difficult experience. This post is a real hope builder for me. But as Dianne so wisely said, I still do "hope for the best but plan for the worst". I believe my experience will come out somewhere in the big, broad middle.

I suspect SpandexGirl is experiencing a form of Survivor's Guilt Syndrome, where an empathetic person experiences significant guilt about being among the few (if sometimes just the only) survivor(s) of a tragedy. Perhaps talking with a therapist might help her resolve these feelings. We all deserve to be happy. We certainly don't take the path of transition on a lark or because it's just something different to do. This is a major, life-changing decision, and it will have repercussions. But perhaps also SpandexGirl is just dealing with the incidents that occur in transition with a level head, not allowing the incidental judgment of others to crush her spirit. I suspect a neutral response is often interpreted as a negative response by some, and she is maintaining a more balanced view on these events, which is so healthy to do. I am still pretty much at the starting line for my own walk down this path, but I hope to keep my wits about me, to remember what is important and what is not as things occur, and to never forget that doing nothing was simply no longer an option anymore.

Thank you for writing about this, SpandexGirl. This is fundamentally an incredibly optimistic and inspiring message. I hope you find a positive way to deal with these feelings as you have with all of the other obstacles you've faced in transition.

Karen

[spandexgirl188]

i want to thank you all for your input. It seems so unreal that 3 years ago i was crossdressing and still living life as a man. Today i look upon myself and its unreal how much things have changed. One thing i will always be is grateful to my family and friends for allowing me to finally live the life i was born to live. My only hopes are that one day everyone, MTF or FTM can be happy among people that accept them without prejudice or malice.

thanks everyone.

and by the way...Spandexgirl is a name i chose when i was a cd'er beause i used to dance lol....i have legally changed my name. Im Lauren...nice to meet everyone.

[Kris Avery]

That's an extremely beautiful name...I love it.

I also wish that day would come ....now..... But I fear it won't ever happen.
Especially in the Deep South of the U.S. There, I have seen almost a complete land total ack of tolerance.