It is not so much about passing to fool others; I would like others to treat me like the person I feel I am and that is feminine.
It is not so much about passing to fool others; I would like others to treat me like the person I feel I am and that is feminine.
Keep warm, both in your dress and within your heart.
Katie H. Marion
I used to think that I wanted to "pass" until I realized that it was an impossible goal. Somebody, somewhere is going to figure out my birth gender.
What I want now is to be me. To be accepted as the gender that I present.
Good people will do this regardless of whether they know my genetic makeup. People with an ax to grind will make sure that I know what they know, usually by "sirring" me even though I am obviously female. They have issues of their own but that is their problem, not mine.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I don't think we will ever get an answer to this question.
It has changed for me. When I first went out 2 years ago, I wanted to be pretty. It was just magical to be free. I quickly learned to look people in the eye and hold my head up. I didn't need to apologize for being me! Allie and Rachael taught me to be out in the world as a woman and to look for interaction with the people we encountered. It wasn't about passing it was about belonging where ever we chose to be.
Now I am in the world as a woman every day. I had to learn that I couldn't always look like a million dollars. I had to find clothes that I could wear in all kinds of situations. I can't always fit in full makeup when I have to train in the afternoon and then go back out to a meeting later that night. I also wanted to blend in with my gg friends. I have my own style and it is a little blingy. However, I don't want to appear to need everyone's attention. It doesn't have to be about me all the time.
No I don't fool everyone. But make no mistake, I function as a woman. I am so grateful I found this site! I wouldn't have known where to start.
Suzanne
It really is all about passing for me. But it really shouldn't have to be for anyone else.
I don't really think about it while I'm living my life - I'm just me. But when I don't pass - generally now limited to interactions on the phone where my voice just doesn't quite cut it yet - I am greatly annoyed.
I work on this stuff - a lot. In some ways, I'm a little ashamed of myself for my vanity. In other ways, I'm not, because I'm not trying to create some artificial image - that was my old life. Now I'm just trying to find myself - but that's a lot of work, as it happens.
I admire in many ways, those who don't try to pass at all. I believe sincerely we are all beautiful, whether passing or not. I'll never judge you - whether you pass or not. But I'm incredibly harsh with myself when I do not pass. The smart part of my brain feels this contradiction is incredibly stupid. Unfortunately, it's not the part of my brain that seems to care.
Based on all the years that I have been out and about, I truly believe that most people are "good" and will treat us as the gender we are presenting as, so long as it is not over the top and that we are dressed as all the GGs are.Originally Posted by Eryn
Richelle
You are not wrong, because for each of us it is about something different so we all have our own position and view on it.
In light of the recent attack upon our sister, Isha from here I absolutely implore those venturing out to do so with Your personal safety in the forefront of Your minds always. My brawling days are way past, but there is an advantage to a good flight response ... just a little tougher in heels mind you...
Do I dress to feel good or to look pretty? My answer is I want to be Connie on the outside whenever I can. She is in me all the time, but waits to be released. When I dress, I dress fully. From gaff to full makeup, nails, etc. I know I am not the female I want to be physically, but I feel I am when dressed. And that makes me feel on top of the world.
I can't really add much to what Laura has said. I realize that I'll never approach an ideal, but I can accept myself as something other than perfect. Note I didn't say "less than". I don't feel that my deviations from an ideal diminish me in any way.
O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
While I consider passing an ideal, the intentions behind attempting to pass are what I strongly dislike being questioned. The term 'trap', shorthand for the apparent mouthful that is 'cross-dresser', carries with it the connotation that we do so to deceive. Passing does come across as a form of camouflage, cover and/or concealment, though, which might be the basis for the notion.
In a milieu that fetishises authenticity, yet shuns social stigma, we as CDs, and especially those who attempt to pass, are in a tight middle ground. I refuse to discount sincerity in dealing with others, but does 'being yourself' entitle one to cross the line at all, and if so, how far? I guess a lot of what makes some of us (intending to pass) feel pretty is entirely in giving off overtly feminine cues, though, so passing becomes unavoidable.
The tone with which I hear many GMs and GGs whispering 'Is that a guy?' is audibly contemptuous though.
Last edited by Lily Catherine; 03-02-2015 at 11:51 AM. Reason: Natural born editor.
I've pondered a very long time as to what has motivated me to wear women's clothing. My first article of women's clothing I fell in love with was nylon full slips. I truly was only interested in the feel of the garment. My mother hung them in the sole bathroom to hang dry or in the hallway on a clothesline to hang dry. I loved passing by them and caressing the slips. Soon I decided to try one on. I was hooked. Then I tried on one of her long nylon nightgowns. Oh, how I loved the feel. As I grew into my teen years I tried on a bra, a panty, a girdle and finally a dress. All of this dabbling called my sexuality into play. Society branded men who wore women's clothing as "faggots and queers" and basically were criminalized. It took a long time to shake that lack of understanding.
It just may be, if a man likes to wear women's clothing for the sheer fact he likes the textures of the fabric, the colors, etc, then maybe he has to go further and mask his male presence. I really love watching "Wheel of Fortunate" for Vanna White and the clothes she wears. Darn, if she does not turn me on!!!
So, what have I done? I know with my six foot even, 195 pound male body, I will not pass for the usual woman. Yes, there are women with my stature, but, they turn heads for reasons other than why people turn heads for Vanna White. I can shave fairly close (my face) and my legs are not hairy. In fact I lack hair on my calves. They have always been as smooth as a newborn baby. If I'm going to wear women's clothing, then it seems natural to look as womanly as possible. Hence, a bra with C-cup makes the relatively flat chested male body disappear. And the grey wig hides that balding head. I do not do makeup on a regular basis because it takes too much time. And, many GG's do not do makeup all the time. Sure, lip gloss, but, not the full deal.
It just seems natural to me that in my private world I should hide the guy side as much as possible. Some of the pictures I see on this site are head turning-beautiful womanly presentations. Many are like me- the guy is clearly visible. I try to hide my gender because, well,, guys are ot suppose to like wearing women's clothing.
What I noticed about my husband when he first started dressing in public was his lack of confidence and that is really what made him stand out. I mentioned this to him, and as he has worked hard to change this, the more people treat him like any other woman out and about I the world.
Pass or don't pass, just have confidence in what you do and people will respond in kind.
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