Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
Now take a 30 year old who went through a similar tidal wave as you have, and discover or accept their true identity. They have a child, or children who would be completely devastated by a transition. (especially in a rural community) In an almost feminine aspect, the would be transitioner will delay if not forgo transitioning completely for their children.
25 years ago, when my son was very young, I was in Dallas, and I definitely buried my gender stuff as best I could, manned up, and married my poor ex-wife. Knowing what I know now? I'd have transitioned. I'm surprised I survived.

What I hate is that I have the only medical condition (gender dysphoria) for which treatment is considered selfish. If I had bone marrow cancer, nobody would have told me "gee, you know "<boyname>", it's gonna cost a lot to treat you, even with insurance. You are going to leave your family impoverished. If you just die instead of seeking treatment, between the money you have left over, and your life insurance, your family will be in pretty good shape!" With this stuff though, it's like "quit it or die already!"

Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt
( I know there are stories of transition and family acceptance in the middle of it all) but those are far rarer than those who transition during this time and the end result being total devastation of the family.
Actually what happens most of the time is just a divorce. That's it. A lot of divorces happen, and kids survive them mostly OK. This isn't really any different than any of the other reasons people get divorced. It's not a good reason to not transition if that's what needs to happen. And in my case, it really needed to have happened. It didn't, and I got through it, so I guess that's fine. Knowing how bad this was for me though, I really am surprised I didn't commit suicide sometime during that long, long interval as a guy. I was coming apart at the seams.

Anyway, I manned up as best I could, and tried to be a dad, just like a lot of us do. I sucked as a father, although I hope that I was an OK parent. I was at least a lot better than my own father, but that is a very, very low standard. (I was present, cared, and was sober - none of which could be said about my own Dad.)

But sure, I can relate to what you are saying, and there's no doubt that a lot of us forgo dealing with this stuff until we simply can't take it anymore, in order to save the family. Had my crisis hit a decade earlier, when my kids were still minors in high school, and I'd ended my life, I wonder if they'd have thanked me for trying? Probably not. I was so, so foolish.