I know I am going to get totally lambasted for this. I looked around the internet for a CD forums that would be more understanding, or maybe give me the answers and support that I want, but this is by far the best community and I want to share this, even if it means opening myself up to harsh criticism.
Here is strike one: I'm closeted and my wife doesn't know about Gia. She would NOT be understanding of my need to dress, this is supported by discussions around the subject. So there's strike two: I'm not going to tell her. I've been dressing since the 5th grade, and, before I met my wife, I had purged and quit dressing altogether, hoping it was behind me. But shortly into the marriage, I began collecting clothes again, then finally, forms, and before long I had my stash. I only get to dress when my wife goes out of town, which is rare.
When I am in guy-mode, I am attracted to women only. Call it self-delusion or a coping mechanism, but when I am Gia, I am attracted to guys and TS/CDs. When I'm logged into the Gia-side of my computer, even though I'll be in drab, my brain will switch over, and I'm Gia and I'm fantasizing about being with CDs or men. Before I got married, I had only one encounter with a guy that I never saw again. I haven't told anyone about that.
I've been looking for someone to experiment with as Gia. On the bright side, I've been ultra careful to find someone in a similar situation, that understands the need (and has the same need) to be safe and to keep our partners safe by not sleeping around Craigslist. So to that point, I've still not found that person, and that's ok. I just desperately need to share this side of me with another person...not just the intimacy, but having a friend that I can be myself around.
So let me have it; tell me how wrong it is and how I'm an awful person. I've been around here long enough to know how you all will react, but I'm hoping someone can speak some wisdom into this duality that I'm trying to find here. Thanks.