What did you think when you were younger?

[Erika Lyne]

I had no context...all I knew as a preschooler was that I was 'different' in the eyes of my parents and siblings. I took different as synonymous with bad or defective.

Right there with you Kim. I was about 4 when I first got caught drssing in my mother's things. I was ridiculed and land blasted by her. It felt so right emotionally to be dressed but so socially wrong at the same time.

Still have guilt to this day and I'm also not out to my family because of it.

-E

[BillieAnneJean]

I had no idea crossdressing even existed other than the Spike Jones "all girl band", the "I Was a Male War Bride" movie, and "Some Like It Hot". I got lucky and skipped ALL guilt and anything like that. CDing is all fun for me. I am SO lucky!

My heart goes out to anyone having any struggles. That is one reason why I formed The Grand Illusions, a CDer support and social group. It is not unusual to have a new person come and in tears, recount their struggles.

Life is short. Please be happy. Crossdressing is neither a crime nor anything immoral. Enjoy yourself. Women do it all the time. Why can't guys?

[Kirsty Louise]

I used to dress at a young age and I’ve got no idea why all that I know was that I liked it and liked girls as well. I used to love Monty Python and still do. So I suppose for me nothing has changed

[Lily Catherine]

First cross-dressing at 11, a year prior to graduating from primary school, I was just stupidly curious at best. Externally it was considered a perversion, and I thought I was the only one who was into 'that nonsense'. Incidentally, CDing of both genders was meted out as a punishment in primary school - specifically hair and uniform offenses in particular. Never had to do that though.

[Marcelle]

While I can recall inklings of liking my sister's clothing more than my own when I was young (pre-school) I never really thought about the concept of being transgender. My first real understanding of it was when I was 18 (first year in the military) and posted to Germany. I was going out with a girl who was in a more "interesting" scene than my day to day existence. She thought it would be fun for us to go to a club as reversed genders . . . naturally I declined externally while internally I found myself wanting to do it more than anything so I grudgingly let her talk me into is (yeah grudgingly . . . right ). When she was finished, I have to admit I was a bit awed by the reflection staring back . . . being young I was a lot prettier than now . We went out and I had the greatest night of my life . . . the next day "guilt, shame, disgust" crept in and I went back to being a guy . . . never called her again and beat this down for the next 32 years until it exploded on me emotionally.

Hugs

Isha

[Stephanie Julianna]

I have wanted to dress like my sisters from my very earliest memories. Imagine what little girls and teenage girls my sisters ages were wearing in the early to mid fifties. I was surrounded by petticoats around the house and classmates wearing the girliest dresses with princess heels. It was maddening because I knew boys should not be wanting to dress like girls. So for that time and the rest of my life I have always looked at girls two ways. I love being with them and wishing the clothes off their pretty bodies.

[alwayshave]

My formative years were in the 60's and I had a number of older sisters and was always interested in women's clothes from the age of 5 on. I knew it was wrong. I don't ever remember being told it was wrong but just knew. My only exposure to crossdressing was in comedy (i.e., Flip Wilson as Geraldine, etc...). Thus, crossdressing was something funny or derided. For the most part, while I always dressed I kept it deep in the closet until the last few years.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I was always fascinated by crossdressers, though I only saw them on the screen- so from my early teens I guess. I'm still fascinated by them.

[Sarah-RT]

When I was a kid I didn't really see things as gendered, such as things boys would do, or girls would do that i can remember but I notice my niece does such as asking for help downloading "girl games" on a smartphone for her to play, I spent most of time outside cycling and kicking around the football. so the times I crossdressed which I didn't know what it was at the time I didnt see any problems with it, some of it was spur of the moment, other times I NEEDED to do it but had no explanation of why but wasn't concerned about the why of it either.

I learned to go from cycling a child's bike with training wheels to my older sisters bike which was purple but it didn't cost me a thought

[c2candice]

My earliest experiences were as a very young child, maybe 10 or so. My best friends house had two very well stocked "Dress up" trunks. My friend and I would play the game of "house", meaning one person was the husband, the other the wife. Guess which one I always chose? I tried to make it seem like a reluctant choice of course. Well that happened a few times until another parent came downstairs and saw me all dressed up and said "well don't you look pretty" and just stared at me for a long time. I think as she said it, she didn't know whether I was a boy or girl. Didn't really think much of all that at the time, just fun dressing up. Also tried to convince him to play barbies with me, and dress up the dolls. That only happened once or twice, but I remember enjoying it. At that age my family didn't have rigid definitions on what a boy or girl should do, so I didn't really understand it as wrong, I just knew that it wasn't what most other boys were into. I also played hockey like a good Canadian kid, boy scouts, and happy doing those too.

Fast forward a few years, the game playing over, and the same friend and I watch TV together after school. So happens, Jerry Springer is on (and totally inappropriate for my age). The repeated themes of "my girlfriend has a secret", or "i was born a boy, and my boyfriend doesn't know", where a transsexual girl would reveal to unsuspecting boyfriend that she was born as a boy. Boyfriend feeling betrayed flips out. Crowd cheers. Poor old tranny left in tears, beaten, broken. That was my first indication that there were other boys who wanted to be girls. And to identify with that kind of feeling, left me scared out of my pants! I had no idea

Fast forward a few more years to junior high, I experiment with moms heels, pantyhose, dresses, some lipstick. I know it felt fun, and wrong at the same time. Around then I realized, unexpectedly at first that doing this was a "turn on". For a boy, very confusing. Of course afterwards there was the wet blanket of shame and guilt. Totally confused, alone.

Fast forward a few more years to senior high. The last week of school, there is a day informally known as "grad drag", where the girls kidnap the boys, dress them up in pretty dresses and send them to school. What a dream come true!. Everybody did it, jocks, cool kids, nerds. I got to wear a dress and comical sized balloon breasts to school for the whole day. The girl dressing me up is sooo jealous, saying that I looked better in her dress than she did *blush*. The dress was so tight, that we decided I better wear a pair of her panties to hide things *double blush*. Great experience that was, nerves were high, trying not to let it on that I enjoyed it. But it was all a gag, and most of the dudes turned it into a perverted affair. Just generally being gross dudes.

Then into adult years, stuffing those feelings WAY down. Understanding and accepting the concept of transsexuals, those that have the strong feeling that they were born on the wrong body. But I know that's not me. Where do I fit in? What is the point of these feelings? I know I am straight. Always had the feeling towards women as wanting to be with them sexually and wanting to be them at the same time.

I guess the conclusion is that it's always been with me. At first genuine curiosity, then media (I blame) skewed my perception.

What I hope for the future generation, with the advent of the internet, is that they can find some resources out there that can help them understand how they feel, and where they fit in, and that they aren't alone. No need for shame , guilt. I fear though that what's out there is not well presented for youth to understand. I think with too much information, a person might get even more confused. Not much reliable support aside from places like here that cater to crossdressers.

Well, that turned into a long post!

Hugs,
Candice

[Leslie Langford]

My first remembrances of having a liking for (and a fascination with) girls' clothes go back to about age 5. Even then, it made absolutely no sense to me that girls were allowed to wear whatever they pleased, whereas very strict "rules" existed as to what boys could - and couldn't - wear. I'm talking 1950's and 1960's here....

I guess I must have been a rather precocious kid, as the rest of the world finally seems to be finally catching up to me . More and more people seem to be questioning the whole concept of gender-based clothing these days, and even the major retailers are now getting into the act with their ever-expanding unisex clothing departments and choices.

[Tina_gm]

As a teenager and in my 20's.... scared to death of myself. I sooo did not want these desires. I was afraid of it on every level. I would try so hard to be more masculine and less feminine. I would curse the desires when they would wash over me. I viewed myself as a failure of a man for being feminine and not so masculine, that I couldn't shake it or the desires. Fun times....

[reb.femme]

All I thought was, "for Christ's sake, don't get caught". I know I thought it was strange then, now I know it is and I don't care .

...More and more people seem to be questioning the whole concept of gender-based clothing these days, and even the major retailers are now getting into the act with their ever-expanding unisex clothing departments and choices.

If all retailers only stock unisex clothing, where does that leave cross dressers like me?

Rebecca

[sometimes_miss]

I didn't know of any crossdressers/TG folk when I was a kid. There was one gay guy next door, but I didn't know that he was gay until I was about 14. I just thought that I was supposed to be a girl, and that's why I liked dressing up like they did, and, looking in the mirror, could easily have been mistaken for a girl until I was in my very late teens. Back when I was growing up, most boys had long hair. Mine was longer than most, and when I wore girl clothes, I styled my hair differently to sort of 'feel' the difference. As I got into high school, I learned about homosexuality and transsexuals; as I wasn't attracted to boys, I figured that maybe I was a transsexual. That concept remained for years, because I couldn't come up with any other ideas.

[Leslie Langford]

That's the whole point, reb. This whole concept of "crossdressing" is just an artificial social construct foisted upon us by the patriarchy, and where for some strange reason, society has assigned a "gender" designation to the stuff we fundamentally wear so as not to run around naked or else freeze to death.

As drag superstar RuPaul once put it "We are all born naked; all the rest is just drag."

[Jaymees22]

I think I may have been curious, I spent a lot of time at our neighbors house playing with dolls. My parents were fairly liberal for the late forties/early fifties. I remember going to a party at one of my parent's friend's house and he said he had danced with Christine Jorgensen. Everyone was asking what was she like, he said she was a good dancer! I asked my mother who Christine Jorgensen was? She explained it the best she could at the time. Hugs Jaymee

[reb.femme]

...If all retailers only stock unisex clothing, where does that leave cross dressers like me?

T'was a tongue in cheek, rhetorical question . I like bucking the trend anyway, so I'll dress all male when CDing becomes common place.

Rebecca

[Sharon B.]

Just knew that it was enjoyable and would do just about anything to find time alone to get into my older sister things and to use her makeup. there wasn't internet back then had to go to public library to try and find out what it was I was doing then if was off to Penthouse forum magazines to find out I wasn't alone it what I like to do.

[Natalie cupcake]

When I was younger and see men in dresses on TV I thought it was funny. I liked to wear my moms dresses and heels when I was younger to. I would "try" to walk around the house my mom would laugh about it.

[NANNETTE]

I always wanted to be a girl from as long as I can remember. I developed an interest in my Mother's stockings from a very early age. When I started school at the aged of five I longed to be one of the girls dressed in pretty ribbed tights. I would go to bed at night and wished and wished that I could have been a girl. This feeling started to get more and more intense as girls of my age stared to wear grown up tights in school. My high school days were very frustrating. All the girls would be wearing tights underneath their knee socks, it was a fashion peculiar to the early 70's but I loved it. I used to fantasise that I could go to school dressed like that. It was even more frustrated when I saw girls of my aged dressed in their pretty skirts and tights outside of school. From all the information I have read online I am probably not a transsexual but I still wished that I was born a girl. Funnily enough my Mother wanted a girl after having two boys. I eventually started to wear my mum's tights when I was twelve and then graduated to wearing her skirts a year or two later. It was a wonderful feeling to dress as a girl but I still had that feeling that I could stop doing it. I never have and do not regret one minute of it.

[NANNETTE]

In addition to secretly wanting to be a girl, I always felt a bit feminine in school. In High school I was teased by the boys and they used to call me girl. I pretended to protest but deep down I enjoyed it. When I was fourteen I took shorthand and typing in an all girls class. The boys in my regular class teased me without mercy. One joked that I probably wanted to be a secretary when I was older and wear a mini skirt and tights and bend down to show the men my underwear. Little did they know that I would not have minded growing up to be a sexy secretary.

[Cheryl T]

I thought I was a freak who was alone in the world. I never guessed that anyone else felt as I did.
It wasn't until I was about 18 that I learned the world had others like me.
All the guilt, shame and fear I suffered under all those years. If only I had had the internet and the community support that exists now. It's so much easier for the younger girls these days, but then that's the way of the world. Someone has to blaze the trail so that others can walk freely.

[Amber_Lynn86]

I always knew it was taboo and looked down upon. I guess that's what drew me to it. The way I felt the first time I put on lingere was amazing it just felt so right and I didn't want it to end.

[Ally 2112]

I also thought i was the only one who did this until i read an article from Ann Landers .After that i tried to get all the info i could get on this subject mostly from magazines this was before the internet of course

[Beverley Sims]

At thirteen and fourteen I thought I was unique.

I did meet a couple of others when I was eighteen but as my physique and demeanor was already that of a girl they did not know of my deception.

My girlfriends and I did help them with dressing and makeup but they did not quite make the cut as well as I had.

We associated with them forabout six months but they then found another social circle.