Krisi -- I do like my therapist, but she has admitted that she doesn't have much experience with transgender/crossdressing clients. I have found her helpful in processing all this, though. You all have experience with this -- intimate experience.
Paula -- I believe that I could sustain the pattern I've been experiencing the last decade or so -- refrain from cding for a year or two (with some fantasizing), then I slip back into it secretly, then I confess or get caught, repeat. If I had to choose this repeating cycle or divorce, I'd choose the cycle. I'd probably cut off my right arm if it would save my marriage.
What I told my therapist last time was that I'm leaning toward seeking a compromise with my wife. I'm unconvinced that cding is morally wrong or that being bi-gender is a disorder, and so I think it would be ok to explore given how strongly I feel it. I think my therapist feels the same way. I'm just hoping that my wife will slowly come to see it also. Then she might allow some small expressions at home and maybe more at my mom's.
I'm having a conversation with a expert on faith/gender/sexuality that we both trust on Wednesday. If she agrees that this might be ok, then that will carry some weight with my wife.
I'm considering inviting my wife to meet with my therapist in a couples setting. Its a good idea.
