I REALLY appreciate all that is being said. It is helpful and insightful.
I may be wrong here, but here's why I don't think my wife's resistance is selfish. In her eyes, it is like alcoholism. No wife would be seen as selfish who refused to enable her husband's alcoholism. Her position is the rational and loving one. However, I think she may be slowly coming to see my desire to dress as something disanalogous to alcohol abuse. If she comes to see it as morally neutral (as I am coming to believe), but still says "no way," that would be selfish.
I did tell her before we got married, but what we both believed at the time was the alcoholism analogy. So, she wasn't entering into marriage with any expectation other than that I would struggle and fight to overcome this desire/behavior. She might expect some failure on my part, but she wouldn't expect that I would ask for her acceptance.
Bridget, part of me believes that Kaley is in my soul. But part of me doesn't. For so long I believed it was a fetish. An unfortunate behavioral association between sexual arousal and women's clothing. But I'm doubting this now. For one, I first had the desire to dress when I was 5 or 6. I even told my parents I wanted to be a girl. But I don't remember really wanting to be a girl after that. I think the sexual aspect was accidental and came later. Today, there is still sexual excitement sometimes, but when I'm dressed and out its not sexual at all. I don't understand it, honestly.
Fortunately, when I visit my mom's, it's for business travel, so it isn't as if I go there *just* to dress. So, I don't think going there will hurt our marriage.
Krisi -- I don't know if I'm bigender for sure. But I have always felt somewhere in between. I have a lot of traits typical of women. I'm musical, I love art and flowers, I'm emotional and sensitive, I'm talkative. I have a somewhat androgynous body-type that looks just as good in an evening gown as in a suit. I look awkward in men's t-shirts because of my thin frame. I have nice legs for a man. I have very long eyelashes, but a strong jawline as well. I score 50/50 on gender tests and my ring finger is the same length as my index finger (typical of women). I have small feet, etc, etc. I feel like it is more than just a hobby or a fetish. When I am dressed, I am a woman.