Good news Sara that your wife went to the cliff and decided not to jump. While they are a bit extreme, her reactions are not all that uncommon. When I 1st told my wife about wanting to dress, and how I have felt all my life, she went through a lot of emotional turmoil. She questioned to herself if she could stay married to me and if she should. There were a couple of rough moments where there was some real negative comments, and even one of name calling. That was very early on.

I have never been in a true DADT agreement. With my wife and I, it is that I do not dress in her presence, or make it so blatantly obvious, leaving clothes out etc etc. In a true DADT arrangement, one of the downfalls besides a lack of knowledge of what may be happening with you, is that a DADT agreement sort of never gets out of that initial phase. There was the shock, the emotional upheaval aspects, the doubts, insecurities, trust issues which don't get worked through well because then everything goes silent.

I am still in favor of DADT agreements, I believed they have likely help keep many marriages intact for members on this site. What needs to happen before a DADT agreement can be set in place is for the wife to be able to be comfortable with what is going on with you, from an emotional standpoint anyway. She doesn't need to know what you wear, what you have or things like that, but she needs to know as much as you do, what CDing is for you. Are you a guy in girls clothes... dual gender or do you identify as female... Without knowledge of the difference of those, and knowledge of where you are on those, DADT can be a very tricky road for wives I would imagine.

One thing I would advise... is that while she is giving the green light for night time underdressing, I would not go there every night. Sometimes, give her the reassurance that you are still her husband, and at night, that can be one of the most crucial times. Especially if she has had a bad day, or if things in general are a little bumpy. I can't say I am not guilty of this or haven't been in the past myself... but I have learned that sometimes we shouldn't always be pressing right up against the agreements. Pull back every now and then and do it on your own. Just as we sometimes need that break to dress or just express ourselves, many wives need a break from this, and just want the husband they married without the issue. When I offer up time where I express myself or dress for her, she will often repay me in some small but very meaningful heartfelt way. One last word of advice, please go very slow with all of this. Read of many members who have a solid marriage AFTER a reveal, and it often takes years to get to solid ground. It won't happen in a few weeks or a few months. good luck.