How much time are you alone?

[Sarah Doepner]

Since many crossdressers are in the closet, have limited time out in public or in DADT relationships with family or an S.O., I wonder if you feel they are alone more than the average person? If so, what are you giving up, if anything? What is the impact on your life? Is that time spent by yourself an overall positive because you get the time en femme you want/need and think about your life? Or is it a sinkhole where you lose yourself and forego other obligations and feel sorry for your plight?

Me?

I miss having someone around, social interaction is limited to occasionally outings with Tri-Ess sisters, an annual vacation or two and on-line activity, like this. I tend at times to overthink my situation and there are times I avoid doing things that I can't do en femme. On the other hand I have become comfortable with my own company and have found ways to be productive regardless of what my gender expression is at the time. It's almost a meditation sometimes and other times it drives me nuts. Things will change eventually, so I'm okay with the balance for now.

What about you? Are you alone, lonely, isolated or happy in the company of one?

[Cheryl T]

When I was still in the closet I would steal every minute I could to be alone and dress. I declined shopping trips with my wife, opportunities to be with friends and so much more. I didn't think of it as being alone.
When I came out to my wife and found I could dress whenever I wished those alone times disappeared. I spent more quality time with her, not away from her. I spent more time with friends. I realized that I wasn't only stealing time to be me but that I was stealing time From Us. Now I have both the time to dress and the time to be with her and sometimes they are the same time which is wonderful too.

[Chris_Cross]

I've thought about this a bit. I dress very infrequently. I've gone years without and in peak times I might do it multiple times a month, so it doesn't translate to overall loneliness, but when I do it, I wish my wife could/would hang out with me. That feeling I would describe as loneliness.

[Vikky]

Hi Sarah
An interesting question. I spend as much time as I can en femme but in a DADT situation. So I am glad to see my SO go out for an hour or two, or, as now, for her to go away for a few days so as to get some good Vikky time.
Vikky does take up a lot of time, and she is alone, but I can live with that and I find I can get some good work done when en femme. Somehow I can concentrate better when dressed up.
I still have plenty of activities en drab and spend quality time with the SO.
Vikky

[Rachael Leigh]

Sarah, this is a great question especially with those of us who are not the social butterflies and go out much while dressed. I feel alone at times but at the same time I do enjoy my Leigh time. And yes while I have had the occasion to go out and shop while dressed its not something I do much.
So I think when Im home and dressed I do tend to find things to do and make the most of my time, but I also know if Ive got something outside the home I need to do I just underdress and go do whatever en boy.

[Alice Torn]

Good topic Sarah. I started a similar thread about being loners. I have no friends where i live now, only acquaintances, a difficult lady neighbor, and my extremely sick, toxic, fusion family nearby. The one neighbor knows, and is semi ok. But none of my other neighbors, toxic family, and only one acquaintance know, and is semi ok also. I would really like to go a lot more than the once or twice a year i do, but, if family found out, and those who know my unique old car, read me, it would not be fun, and life would be more miserable than it has been for me, because of my awful family. When i do have a long dressing and photo session, i leave other tasks go undone, and i do tend to stay in my cocoon all alone. Sometimes, i am very paranoid, and irritable afterwards, but usually glad to be done, until another time.

[Tracii G]

Being a retired over the road truck driver for 40 years being alone just seems natural.
I have friends sure but I enjoy days all by myself too.
I express my girl side in someway every day its just who I am.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a closet dresser, more or less. Altho my live in teen daighter is DADT with Sherry, I'm able to arrange dressing in private when I wish.

Also, we have many weekly T girl outings/events here in SoCal. I have wonderful friends among the girls. Yet, I'm only able to attend a fraction of them because of other obligations or vanilla events.

[Mistyjo]

Hi Sarah
I would have to say none of them .
I did feel isolated and alone a few years ago and decided that's not what I wanted now if I am dressed as Misty I just go do what I need to indoors or outdoors. I stopped caring what others think I feel its the only way to be accepted for who we are and I am proud of who I am.

[JennyTV]

I'm in the middle of a divorce that will be final in a month or so I hope. I work from home. I don't really have any close friends. I interact with my sister (who lives half way across the country) on Facebook daily and by phone a couple times a week. I'm not out to anybody that I know. I am a shy extrovert that has lived an introverted life. So I dont really care for my alone time, but I'm used to it. But it is the result of being a socially awkward geek rather than because I am a CD. So what I'm saying is that the amount of time I spend dressing is more a result of being alone that the reason for it.

Jen

[Kate Simmons]

I'm good. Usually have time to dress and practice dancing during the day when everyone else is gone to work and school(I'm retired). On weekends I usually reserve the time for my GF unless there is a special event at the club. Then she usually goes with me ( I am en femme) and we dance and socialize.

[carhill2mn]

I live alone and I enjoy being the only woman in my house. I am not lonely as I enjoy being by myself. I interact with some people as my fem self and some as my male self.

[Secret Drawer]

Such an interesting question, and one I often think about. I am in a DADT, which automatically limits my time dressed. I also have children, and while I can dress somewhat around them, I don't go all out. Luckily I have a desk job (in a sense) and work from home most of the time, and thus, dress most of the time. I find it more and more difficult not to just walk out and do my errands dressed... I think it is only a matter of time. However, in the meantime, I do find I sacrifice time where I might otherwise "go out at lunch," or go to the library or a seminar on a day that I can "stay in." I usually stack all my outside obligations in the morning or the evening to maximize my time to dress. It sounds bad put this way I suppose... But I don't take time out of family or wife time to dress, and like Vikki said above, I seem to focus better and concentrate on the tasks at hand better after I am dressed...

[RADER]

My wife died about 2 years ago, She was OK with me dressing, in fact she would
find things for me too dress in.
About 4 weeks ago, my cat died, so now I am really alone.
You know, I do not mind it, I can dress in anything I want, when I want, and
there is nobody to say anything about it.
Yes, I do miss my wife a lot.
Rader

[Yoshisaur]

I am in the closet about my crossdressing, but I currently live with my family so I do get a good bit of interaction with people. I just don't get to go out much because I prefer spending time alone, guess that's just because i'm a huge introvert.

[Jean 103]

I go out a lot, tonight I’m heading to this bar for karaoke night, and I’ll be staying at a motel within walking distance so I don’t have to drive home. You can be in a crowd of people and still be alone, as you can be home in front of the computer and be with friends. The difference is communication and when you are out people can see you. As for where you live, I met some CDs from Salt Lake at DLV, they seemed very nice, I think if you look around you could find a friend close to you.
Love Jean

[Michelle (Oz)]

Yes, I do miss my wife a lot.

So sorry Radar. There'll always be a special place in your heart to fill.

Sarah, my response will hopefully help those in DADT relationships and feeling alone. My wife is my best friend in my male life but she doesn't exist in my female life yet I enjoy social interaction. I am fortunate to be out dressed 4 days a week so plenty of opportunity to meet people and form friendships giving purpose, confidence and validation. I never cease to be amazed at the acceptance of difference by many people.

The outcome is that Michelle is a person with her life and friends not just in name but reality. Complex, compartmentalised but definitely not lonely.

[SharonDenise]

I am in Rader's position. I have been widowed for almost one year now. My wife did accept and support my cross dressing activities for the 40 years that we were married. I came out to her while we were still dating. While she was living I only "dressed" at home. However, since her passing I've joined a cross dresser support group and go to their meetings and activities. I have three cats and a large monthly cat food bill. I, also, very much miss my wife.

[justmetoo]

I am alone at least 99% of my time outside of work. But I am an introvert and enjoy time to myself. It has nothing to do with dressing for me. I am actually out to some people and go out with them when I get the chance. They just aren't local to me so we don't get to see each other often. So, alone often; lonely, occasionally but not often.

[kimdl93]

Only on evenings away from home, but then I'm usually just exhausted from a day of managing people. A little down time is good then.

[Alice Torn]

Rader, Very sorry about the loss of your cat. Please seek out a shelter cat to befriend soon. I lost three cats , in 2007, 2008, got the two shelter cats i have now, in 2008. The white fluffy cat , that was 21 yrs old, died in my arms, and i cried a lot, could not work the next day.

[MissTee]

Because I travel a lot and maintain more than one home, my life and schedule present me with copious alone time. Candidly, after a 15 hour work day around highly energized people, I prefer to be alone so I can recharge. Dressing helps me do that.

Likewise, I don't feel my dressing makes me choose between being alone or not. I have plenty of dressing time, social time and alone time.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah, My DA/DT wife knows all about everything but I have four:Hrs. in the morning
and three to four :Hrs. in the Evening to dress.

We are alone together.

[Tina955]

Like Rader and SharonDenise, I too am widowed for over 5 1/2 years now. I had come out to my wife about 7 years into our marriage, at first my wife tried to be ok with my CDing, but I pushed it too fast and hard for her and she flipped, so I made a promise I wouldn't do it anymore, and I adhered to the promise with one exception, once my wife and kids went to Florida for a week, and I just couldn't help myself. Other than that, I abstained for the remaining 27 years until she passed.It took me about 2 1/2 years after that that I started up again, but it was always on my mind. The guilt of her passing from breast cancer made me hold off that long. But the catalogs that were being sent to her selling breast forms for mastectomy patients finally did me in. When she past, I was left with two cats, and one past about a year after my wife and the other about two years later. I was very unhappy all those years of abstaining from CDing, but I have to say, I miss my wife more than the CDing. Now I have actually progressed to full blown GID. The only thing holding me back is my adult children and grandson. I know some will say that it is my life and happiness that's important now that my wife is gone and the kids have their own lives going on now. But I know how much my kids miss their mother, and just can't get past the chance of them hurting anymore by me transitioning. So here I am still an unhappy person. But sometimes I feel I may just have to let them know about my situation and hope for the best. Otherwise I pray I will not have to wait too many years to be reunited with my wife. I do pray that is what happens after I pass. So at this point I live day to day with all the alone time I need to dress, which helps me get thru the loneliness.
Tina

[DorothyElizabeth]

I'm with justmetoo on this question. My wife and I separated (for other reasons - my cross dressing had nothing to do with it, because I discovered that, after we were separated) in February, 2005. I have been living by myself for the past ten years.. But I have a part-time day job as licensed professional engineer, and am a theater musician. I am playing (on average) three to five nights a week, either with pit orchestras, or big bands.

That said, my sleeping hours are from 3 to 10 AM, so I am alone, generally, every night from about midnight to three AM. I also mess about with clock and watch repair, (which I usually do "dressed"), so I am alone mostly by choice, and am pretty happy, by and large.

Oh, like anyone, I have occasions when I feel lonely and sorry for myself, but they are usually short-lived and far between.