After a failed marriage, for which discovery of my CDing was the precipitating factor, I went pretty deeply into the pink fog for a while. It was huge fun, with no worries about getting caught, because "getting caught" had already happened, and done its damage. But then I asked myself, is this all I really want in my life--getting my sexual satisfaction alone, and having no partner in life? I didn't think it likely that I would find a woman who would be comfortable with my dressing up for sexual pleasure, so I decided to try making a choice: no CDing, in order to foster a good relationship. For me, it worked. CDing remained a big part of my fantasy life, but I was able to resist the urge to act upon those urges, and I had a great relationship--sexually and otherwise--with my second wife, until her death several years ago. Now I'm free to make choices again. I'm not looking for a new relationship; I have plenty of friends and activities. I'm too old to be able to dress up again as the intensely sexy young and middle-aged woman that I enjoyed becoming back when I was actively dressing. I do some online cybersex, and I sometimes get some vicarious pleasure from the experiences of the women on this site. And for me, this site helps me to come to terms with, and accept, some of the non-standard ways in which I have enjoyed my sexuality since I was a child playing around with my mother's and my aunt's underthings. But as for active crossdressing, those days are gone for me. My fantasy life is still active and gives me some powerful excitement, which I am okay with satisfying on my own, alone. While I have some regrets about some things in my life, as I think any self-aware and honest person my age does, I feel good about most of what my life has been and what it will be in my remaining years.
