Why do Gay men hate Cross dressers ?

[PaulaQ]

I stand by my submission that the gay community doesn't appreciate those that eschew us during the day but want to party with us at night. Nobody enjoys being someone else's dirty little secret.

I agree with you. Most of the folks on this forum could quite accurately be described as heterosexual queers. (Most of the ones I know really are straight. I know, right?) Many, but not all, are too afraid of losing cis / het privilege to be out. It's understandable they are afraid, coming out is fraught with risk and loss. Coming out is hard.

Although I don't judge anyone here because I understand all too well the fears they face, and the losses they risk, I believe the closeted nature of this community harms it greatly. And I can certainly understand people who've stood up to oppression and risked all not appreciating someone who is too afraid to make a stand for themselves, but chooses instead to ride on their coattails.

A lot of that goes on here, and in the broader crossdressing community. And it needs to stop.

There are CDs here who are out, and brave, and who've risked quite a lot really. But they are notable because they are rare. I respect them.

And it isn't that I lack respect for everyone else - it's just that I've met so many CDs who seem so freaking miserable because of their double lives. Believe me, I know that pain. They are only hurting themselves.

As hetero-identifying men, many of us CD'ers still hold heteronormative and homophobic ideas, and I can see why some gay men are reluctant to welcome that into their safe places

Don't feel totally bad about this. There are gay / lesbian folks who just hate transgender people on general principles. And believe me, there are a fair number of homophobic transgender people. I spend a good amount of time pointing out to homophobic trans women that most of them are, in fact, lesbians. Boy are they surprised!

Part of the reason this stuff happens is because we internalize our fears about gender / sexuality, turning them inwards on ourselves, and that often results in doing rather negative things to others to prove "oh I'm not like them at all!"