Quote Originally Posted by mikeyp View Post
Society has caused me to be ashamed of what arouses me, I channel the shame into anxiety, the anxiety into the strong urge to pleasure myself. I'm so disgusted by my thoughts that I want to get rid of them as fast as they come. I wish I could like accept the thoughts, but not be in a constant state of arousal. I wish I could just live my life as a male, and behind closed doors have "sex" to myself. It isn't healthy to be aroused all the time. How am I any different from a normal man who wants to go home and have sex with his wife?
What an eloquent job you've done in describing the vicious cycle of obsessive behavior. Your insight is a good reason for you to feel hopeful for a resolution of your feelings. Really, dear, there's nothing wrong with arousal, and nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself in response to it. You already know that, right, in some rational part of your mind? Go ahead and enjoy what your body can do. Listening to advice of the ladies here, and accepting their friendship and support, should help you get more comfortable with accepting your feelings and dealing with the urgency of your arousal. And I agree with those who have suggested counseling for you. I firmly believe that you're going to be all right with just a little bit of help.