Encounters while en femme

[carhill2mn]

Every now and then people here mention their concerns about meeting people whom they know while presenting as a woman. For many this is a big concern. Since I go out en femme several times a week the chances of my meeting someone whom I know as a male are fairly good. In fact, it has happened many times. The "good news" is that nearly all people see what they are expecting to see; ie. they see what appears to be a woman and do not question what they are seeing by probing further.

Last week I had such an experience. I was having coffee and a bagel with a friend of mine. We were sitting outside at the time and a woman walked by our table. I mentioned to my friend that I knew her. Soon we moved inside as the wasps began to bother us. This woman came inside also and sat at the table next to us. She was obviously waiting for someone. She glanced at me and we each smiled and acknowledged each other as women often do.

I knew that I was likely to see her in a few days at a funeral of a common friend. As I (now presenting as a man) approached her at the funeral she greeted me warmly and gave me a big hug. Later as we were walking near each other she squeezed my elbow and smiled. This is a lovely, very talented woman whom I have known since the late 1970's.

My point is to ensure others that if you are presenting yourself well as a woman there is very little chance that people whom you know will realize that they also know you as a man.

[kimdl93]

Is it possible that the squeeze and smile were an acknowledgement that she did recognize you? I guess we will never know.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Carol, From seeing your past pictures that are of a lovely lady, it's entirely possible that she only saw a lady setting there.

[Leslie Langford]

I'm with kim.

It's one thing to be greeted warmly with a big hug as old friends do who haven't seen each other in a while tend to do, but the elbow squeeze and accompanying smile was a whole different gesture. The lady was obviously connecting with you on a more personal, intimate level at that moment, and sending you an unspoken message.

Whether that message was one of connectedness over the shared grief resulting from the loss of a mutual friend, or a subtle hint that she "knows" is open to conjecture, and one that only you can sort out as you were actually there to share that moment with her.

Either way, the good news here is that she obviously is an empathetic person who values your friendship and is sending you that message via her body language. Keep your eyes and ears open for other potential clues down the road that she might be "in the know", and you could just find yourself with a new ally/supporter if you ever feel comfortable enough revealing yourself fully to her...

[Stephanie47]

I'm with Kim also. That gentle squeeze on the elbow was a way to tell you she recognized you and she was OK and supportive. Just because a man is en femme does not mean that negates a viewer's ability at facial recognition. I once saw my father-in-law at Halloween attired as a woman. I'd have to be blind as a bat not to have recognized him. Your facial features do not change. Neither does other attributes, such as height and weight.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't think you've explained whether or not u think she made u, Carole.

But, that point aside, I think your outings r more proof that passing is the Gold Standard for dressers. If u can consistently, u can get away with anything. If u can't, like most of us, the more u go out? The more u need to be prepared for the worst!

[katie_barns]

She sounds like a very nice lady. Even if she made you; apparently she is not going to say anything. I have actually been waited on at a store (while dressed) by someone that knows me in male mode. They never said a word, so I assume they didn't know

[Candice June Lee]

Friday we were in a bar and an older lady came up and commented on my shoes being like hers. I was at a loss and said Payless. Didn't change my voice so I probably outed myself then but it was great. I had on a corset and a sweater over that, I must have been looking OK as I got lots of looks and guesses. I had hips wearing that corset.

[Danitgirl1]

I agree that most people will not recognise the en femme person as the male they know in day to day life, provided your presentation is good and you do not speak to them. I recently had an experience where I very nearly bumped into two co-workers in one day. I walked right past them, one in a pharmacy and the other in the mall. We were within touching distance of each other but neither one of them recognised me. They may not even have noticed me as they were engrossed in their own stuff. It shook me up at first but I have relaxed about it.

[KrisB]

One Saturday night I went into a Walmart wearing my wig, cropped houndstooth jacket, turtleneck sweater, black skirt, black tights and heels when I spotted a female co-worker. She looked at me for a longer than normal period of time and I nearly panicked! I took a slow and deep breath and slowly angled my way into a different section out of her sight. Just to confirm I was in the clear I later intentionally crossed paths with her (at a distance) and got no extra glance.

The next Monday she made no mention or even a hint of what happened. She must have been admiring my jacket!

[SHINY-J]

Well, I can't comment on encounters like that as I'm not emotionally comfortable going out dressed during the day like shopping, coffee, bars, movies, etc.. I only venture out for private walks very late at night, all alone, when nobody is around. I've been caught when out, but it's always been only late night drunks or homeless guys. Lol and the responses were always positive!

[abby054]

Oo

My point is to ensure others that if you are presenting yourself well as a woman there is very little chance that people whom you know will realize that they also know you as a man.

Quite true. I had a similar experience awhile back. A coworker saw me dressed in a local Macy's store. I walked right in front of him. We had worked together for six years. Together, we went through our company getting run out of town by a sixteen month slander campaign fueled by a competitor. People get really close when enduring something like that. We both found new jobs at the same company. To say we knew each other well is an understatement. He is the kind of guy who would say something. He gave no indication that he recognized me, either on the spot or any time later.