Trying to understand TS

[Rachael Leigh]

Today I've seen a few new threads about some here and one GG who's husband is going to transition and it all began with them knowing and sure they were just a CD. I just don't get that don't get me wrong I admire those who admit this but with all the pitfalls of going thru process why put yourself thru it?
I have enough issues being a CD when it comes to family or friends of not wanting them to know or just hide it. Is this a new movement that society is going thru because it's now more acceptable since it's now in the news. I really don't think I will ever be one to go this route and I really want to understand those who feel this is their only choice but still have a hard time with it.
I'm happy with my male self but do enjoy my feminine part but 24/7 it's hard to get my head around
Leigh

[Princess Chantal]

I accepted the fact that I will never understand women! So I don't wrack my mind in doing so

[Lorileah]

obvious you don't understand being a TS. Why do you think we do this for fun? Not doing it to avoid "issues"? Clearly you don't have any idea.

Is your question how does an avowed CD decide they are TS? Or do you think that there is a choice where you are on the scale? So many times here CDs complain that the Ts keep saying "you'll change your mind" when we all know we don't. You are what you are. Yes, some, including me, have had to grow into that position. Trust me, many TSs wish they didn't have the "issues" either, but we don't get to pick and choose. Sure we can hide or submerge any thoughts we have of becoming the person we are, but that rarely ends well. Someone gets hurt. Sometimes they even die.

I am very happy you love your male part and life. You should be happy in life then, yes? Personally my male life or part was a sham or something I wished didn't exist. Great, you don't want the issues, bravo. You evidently don't have to have them to be happy with your life.

Is it a new movement? a cause Du Jour? The new "thing to be"? If that's how you see it, I am truly sorry for you. Keeping it from the family? Really hard to do when you are transitioning. But you can by simply stepping into your phone booth and becoming "Joe Suburb"

] why put yourself thru it?

I will gladly listen to your alternative idea because I would love to live a life with no issues

[MelanieAnne]

I've been CDing all my life, but never considered transitioning. I don't know much about it, but I've done some reading. And it seems that they cannot help but cut some rather important nerves down there. I cannot imagine how it would feel waking up from the surgery, and feeling all numb down in the important parts. And then being told it is irreversible. Just my take on it.

[Lorileah]

:facepalm: Please....have you not done ANY research on this? Where do you get your information?

I give up

[MelanieAnne]

I don't see how they can avoid cutting some important nerves during the transition surgery. I cannot imagine the feeling waking up from the surgery and feeling numb down there, and being told it is irreversible.

[Lorileah]

OK once again I ask...where did you get your information? You obviously haven't researched any of this.

OK, here goes. One, you don't lose anything but the erectile tissue and your testicles. We get to keep most of it. And surprise we are sensate! We have feeling. We can orgasm. We can feel contact.

It isn't irreversible. It may be difficult but it has been reversed. Not really much different that a Female to Male Transsexual would be. Name the important nerves...please. Because if the surgeon cuts those I wanna know about it. The femoral nerve? The sciatic nerve? Sorta not the plan.

You have a whole site here with all the information you could ever use if you would just search. The site doesn't just cater to the crossdressers.

You don't want GRS (SRS) AWESOME, you don't need to get it. It isn't castration. It doesn't leave a "giant hole" like I was told yesterday by someone who has no idea.

Contrary to popular belief we don't have a quota to change men into women....well not after you get 5 anyway. We aren't contagious. The clothes aren't magic and make you a fairy tale princess.

If you are a fetish dresser, bless you, have fun, enjoy your kink and please be safe. If you are androgynous, swell blend into the crowd and have fun. If you are a crossdresser, terrific, wear the dress, shave your legs (or don't), pretend that you're a woman for an hour then go back to what you were doing. We support you. But please, don't wonder why we aren't like you. We don't wonder why you don't jump on the HRT bandwagon. Although we may question why you would think it would be a lark. If you love your boy part then by all means enjoy it!

Let me try and explain this again. Transsexuals don't do this for fun, we do this to survive and be who we are. We don't miss our boy parts because we still get to keep most of them. We don't end up eunuchs. We have known most of our lives who we are and we are just heading in that direction. Unfortunately up until a very few years ago we were considered mentally ill. If you aren't a TS but you like dressing, that is marvelous. But don't think we chose to be who we are and we certainly didn't chose to be what we are. On this railroad, you don't have to go the same station I am going to.

Please, do a search or read the Transsexual boards. Read about GRS on the web. Watch videos if need be. You don't have to join our club. But rush is next week so...

[Rachael Leigh]

Lorieah I really appreciate your perspective and yes that's why I am asking, as I said for me I have enough issues trying to figure out why I enjoy women's clothes and presenting as a women in public.
As I said I do admire those who have made what must be a very difficult decision. I'm just trying to understand as the title says

[Slipstream]

I can understand that there are those who truly believe that they are a woman in a man's body. I dress because it's something I enjoy in my downtime and thank God I have an accepting wife. Hence, no drama. The group I don't understand are those want to crossdress 24/7 but have no interest in transitioning. To me, dressing 24/7 would slowly erode the enjoyment of "enjoying In Moderation". I'm not trying to badmouth anyone but we are all at least a little different here. Some find it better to post on a forum than to research. No need to be harsh with the OP who is just trying to understand.

[Lorileah]

Slip,why do you need to understand what others do? I don't agree with surgery or hormones just because someone thinks it would be a kick, but I am not going to try and analyze why they think that way, when I don't even know why anyones thinks the way they do.

I admire those who admit this but with all the pitfalls of going thru process why put yourself thru it?

sort brings up the idea that we TSs make a conscious decision no? That we could, or should, just dress and be happy about it. The response to research was in regard to the false and misleading information about the surgery, not the OP.

[TrishaLake]

I think everyone is different while I "stay" a CD it is by choice and life decision.Someone who transition, that is the path for them and I admire it. The best part of this country and being a human is choice....and hopefully with more acceptance we should all be able to choose who we are. I think yeah of us, knows inside who and what we are...getting there is at the hard part.

[Slipstream]

I don't need to, but since we're all here in the same place, I don't see any problem with wanting to try. I'm sure that most do not understand themselves. I don't really know why I like to dress, but I do have opinions on why.

[Robin414]

Not trying to throw another log on the fire but from the perspective of a 'tween' (more than CD but not TG), it's NOT a choice, it's how you were literally conceived! Not like you were given a checklist to fill out before your parents did the deed...OK, I wanna be full on boy, dark hair, blue eyes, etc, etc. As Lorileah suggests, do some research on the topic, it can get pretty technical at times but in the end it just plain comes down to bio-physics...laws of society are mere recommendations, but laws of physics, EVERYONE obeys those!

[Mark/Rebecca]

Personally my male life or part was a sham or something I wished didn't exist

This brings us back to the question, Did you always know? Were you unhappy about identifying as male for most of your life? I can only understand how it relates to me, and I am happy as a male, but cherish my fem side. However when god was handing out gender markers at conception, I possibly would've spoken up and said "I am not sure but I may be in the wrong line"

[PretzelGirl]

Leigh, the difference is that we are driven by a level of dysphoria that makes it something we must do. Everyone has variations to their stories as we all feel a little different. But we reach a point where it is time to change our lives to match our external sense of self to how we feel inside. It is a difficult decision for many, which can make it drag on in years. But there is a point where some can no longer go on. I have had two friends take their lives. It is a common story and extremely sad. Then there are some like me where the path is one of discovery and once I was certain of my identity, I transitioned to achieve the greatest happiness. It wasn't a negative event for me, although there is stress in the transition process. So the difference between us and you deciding that you can't do 24/7 is that we are women and I suspect you have some mix of feelings where there is male and female times. You would have to tell me if that is true.

Another difference is when you have an internal sense of being female and transition, it is about just being you and not about the clothing. For some, maybe all, that identify as crossdressers, it is about the clothing and not the internal sense. Again, it is your story, so you would have to say how you feel.

[Robin414]

I don't doubt that "biolologically ntersex" is more common and more subtle than we currently know...I've always identified as 'male' but I've come to realize I've had to fight hard to be one...lately I think I'm losing the fight...and honestly in hind sight I guess I saw i coming....and funny thing is...I don't mind!

[PretzelGirl]

Mark/Rebecca, the "did you always know" question is one that gets different answers. I knew I was different and bullied for it, so I stuffed my personality and didn't try and figure it out. At least not until my forties. There are others that say they knew at a young age. I recently was at a presentation by a doctor that studies LGBT children and she stated our sense of gender starts at age 3 and our sense of sexual orientation at 7. But for me I sensed something, but I didn't equate it until much later.

Robin, I don't see the context of your Intersex comment. But it is not all that uncommon. Between realizing there are more external conditions that qualify as Intersex and that there are chromosonal and others unseen conditions like Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, the numbers are getting higher. I am Intersex. It is interesting as I have a friend that was leading a transgender support group and she discussed Intersex and said she had never met someone who was Intersex. I just spoke up and said "One". A month later she knew four. It just isn't something that is talked about as much.

[Lorileah]

did I always "know" well that depends on your definition of "always" I remember at age 4 asking why the doctors made me a boy (actually I asked why they sewed me closed). Did I hate my life? No, but I worked hard to be what people wanted me to be even if I was uncomfortable doing it. Hating life would have probably led to a very bad outcome. You do a lot of things to just survive.

[Kate T]

Look, it's not about bits or dresses or anything like that.

The best I can explain it is that for some people, their soul / anima / essence whatever you want to call it doesn't match up with either their biological or social sex and gender. For those people, once they can align their social and biological perspective in the world with their soul they are much happier. For some, that involves social transitioning (almost all TS want to socially transition otherwise as you say, what is the point), for some hormones, for some surgery, for many all three. There are as many pathways as there are individuals. The one thing in common we have is we all have at the base core of our being a sense of being female.

As to did you always know, denial and survival are powerful motivators. Did I always feel not like every other child. Absolutely. Was I happy as a male, friend, husband, father. Yes. BUT it always felt like I had to deliberately and consciously make myself be a father, male friend, male member of society. Personally yes I explored CD to see if it fit. It helped but still I felt like I was constructing a male persona to deal with the rest of the world. I tried gender fluid and androgynous as well, and still neither fit. Finally I tried female, and it fits, I feel now like I am complete, I don't have to construct a persona just to deal with the world and make the world happy, I can just be me.

Help?

Oh, and Lori, whilst having had her cranky pills today (it's ok Lori, I still love you :p)is right. Have a look at the threads in the TS boards, try really reading them and trying to understand what members there are saying, because it is a little bit insulting when people reduce it down to a crude "you want to gët your bit's cut off to look good in a skirt?!". There is SO MUCH more to it than that.

[sometimes_miss]

Leigh, the difference is that we are driven by a level of dysphoria that makes it something we must do.

And another thing to remember, is that the level of discomfort felt can vary greatly from individual to individual. Some feel so uncomfortable living as their birth sex that they are nearly completely unable to function in society. Others just need to crossdress once a week or so to relieve the stress of having to behave as a normal guy/girl so much of the time. You have transsexuals who live out their lives as their birth sex. And others who attempt/or succeed at suicide as a child because they can't stand the idea of another day as the wrong sex.

[PaulaQ]

Some answers.
1. Why transition, go fulltime? Because at the time I started, death was preferable to one more day as a man. I'd attempted suicide already. I hated my life, my face, my body - I hated being a man. Because I wasn't a man. I have the mind of a woman. I never understood the boys I was forced to be around growing up.

2. But, but, but - your DICK?!? Why lose that??? OMG, what if you can't enjoy sex? I hated that goddamned thing between my legs my whole life. I noticed I was different than my sister when I was a tiny kid, and didn't like it! I hated never having a period. I hated USING that thing for sex - I avoided it as much as possible. Stupid straight girls liked it though.

I just underwent GRS "The Surgery" because I was tired of continual, revolting nightmares involving unspeakably horrible monsters, all of whom were somehow really my penis. I simply couldn't take that alien thing growing out of my body.

Its too soon to know how sex will work for me, although judging from the pain down there, I must have a bunch of nerves wired up. Ouch!!!!

3. Did I always know? I hate this question. You know who always knows their gender with certainty from birth? Cisgender people, I.e. non-transgender people. Their minds and bodies align.

For the rest of us, this is confusing very often. Nobody handed me "The little golden book of gender: Paula has a Peepee!" Nobody explained I could have a dick but feel like a girl. And when combined with years of hiding this to preserve my life, this was all pretty hard to deal with psychologically. Because its really hard to accept that everyone you knowis wrong.

[Sandra]

Why ask this in the MtF section where 99% of the MtF know nothing about being a TS...this would have been better in the TS section where those that are going/have gone through it all, and where you'd get proper answers and not answers just plucked from thin air.

[Marcelle]

Hi Leigh,

I am going to assume I was one of the posts you were referring in my revelation that I am indeed TS. Yes, I started here as a self-proclaimed CDer enjoying the clothes, but still all guy beneath. Perhaps in a way I believed it because that is what I was doing for the past thirty plus years. As I noted in my thread, I dressed complete for the first time when I was 17 during my first year in the military, I recall it was both heaven and hell. Hell in the sense I felt utter shame and embarrassment . . . heck I was a guy, dude, soldier and here I was mincing around in a short dress and make-up and liking it. Long story short, suppressed it under a façade of uber macho military and never dressed again for 31 years. As my therapist and I discussed it is likely I was TS from the start but used this "macho guy façade" to suppress the female side of me and while it worked somewhat the core identity could not be controlled (to coin a phrase . . . the heart wants what the heart wants ). This resulted in a complete emotional implosion and reaching a very dark place in my life two years ago when I migrated here with my first introduction post. I was still confused and while I had accepted I like to wear women's clothing it is probable that I was using the "I like dresses but I am all guy below" much the same way I used my military façade to suppress my core identity . . . literally I was not ready to let go. Two years of therapy have passed and many have seen the very quick progression from never going out to now working full time as a woman. I was never CD when I came here but just could not admit it. I have always been introspective and my therapist has given me the room and time to come to that decision on my own terms. Now, I have to move forward in the direction I need to move. I am a woman, always have been and my body (male) does not define me as such.

Have I always known? It is funny as my therapist and I discussed this quite early (past history and all). I do recall knowing from an early age I was not wired the same as the other boys and often questioned why I could not wear dresses like my sisters. My parents (well my mom) put it aptly one day when I was five and heading to school for the first time and wanting to wear a pretty yellow sundress of my older sister, "Sweetie, boys wear pants and girls wear pretty dresses. You are a boy not a girl" It seemed like an odd concept but she was my mom so surely she must know, so I donned jeans and a t-shirt and socialized boy although I still watched the girls play and wanted to desperately be with them. That feeling dissipated over time but came back during puberty when I began to notice girls (in that way ) but it was not so much wanting to be with them (well that too ) but wanting to socialize with them as they did with other girls.

. . . The group I don't understand are those want to crossdress 24/7 but have no interest in transitioning. To me, dressing 24/7 would slowly erode the enjoyment of "enjoying In Moderation". I'm not trying to badmouth anyone but we are all at least a little different here. Some find it better to post on a forum than to research. No need to be harsh with the OP who is just trying to understand.

Hi Slipstream,

I belong to this group to some extent but I will tack a rider on to this statement. I am a woman in a man's body but as of present I have no desire to alter my male physiology via chemicals or surgery to align my body and gender identity. I live about 90 percent of my life both social and professional as a woman but do present as a man on occasion when my wife and I go out with mutual friends. For people like me, you are assuming it is about dressing in pretty clothes, doing my nails and make-up and enjoying the feel of the wind under my skirt. It is not like that. Dressing in women's clothing is only a means to an end. I dress for the occasion . . . professionally it is mainly a military uniform (service skirt and shirt with business casual on Friday while on my own time is purely casual depending on what I am doing. While dressing in women's clothing helps to align my gender presentation, they are just clothes, nothing more. I get no more joy from wearing a skirt than I do when I wear my combat fatigues at work. Fatigues are just fatigues and a skirt is just a skirt. However, when I am going about my day irrespective of how I am dressed, the internalized feeling of joy stems from knowing I am living as I was meant to be. Do people see a woman when I am sitting on the bus next to them or interacting with them at work? Not likely as I am sure all they see is a dude in a dress and make-up. However, I really don't care who they see as I know in my heart I am a woman and that makes me smile . . . the clothing is just window dressing not the raison d'être.

Cheers

Isha

[Donnagirl]

I can't add much to Isha's story above, sharing so much. I at first could not, would not accept who I really was. I hid in a military or law enforcement environment successfully hiding, suppressing, denying. But that only lasts so long. Yes my early thoughts and posts do show me claiming to be a CD. A normal, happy cross dresser with no want or need to do anything further. I slowly escaped the closet, dressed, ventured out, but...
Cue the big breakdown that precipitated counselling, therapy and psychological analysis... More memories surfaced, more realisations were made. It's a big call to accept that most of your life was lived in hiding, was not true to your self...
So, CD vs TS... I've often said explaining TS like trying to explain colours to the blind... I have no reference points... No standardised lexicon. No common experience... Unless you're TS, you can never understand TS. It's not a want to chop bits off, not a desire to do anything. I'm female, a girl. I'm starting to look like a girl, dress like a girl, be a girl. I did choose HRT because it helped to minimise the anger and mood swings GD, or my reactions to GD were causing.
So if you're CD, well you know your CD but, although to the uninitiated CD and TS may look similar, if you're a CD, that gives you zero insight into the psyche of a TS. And even though I'm TS, I cannot explain meaningfully why I have to do what I have to do...i just have to do it!!!

[Bobbi46]

Reading the various threads on this subject I have no difficulty "In trying to understand", A friend I went to visit with the other evening in order to tell her I am CD turned out to be a vey fulfilling evening in many respects in that not only was I able to discuss how I felt but I also found out that she started out life as man and realised that that she was a woman trapped in a mans body after marriage and then divorce she sort help and after a long process underwent gender change after therapy sessions and doctors visits. I realised that she had gone through life with quite a burden on her shoulders until she finally came to realise what had to be done. I also learnt about the way she felt about her new gender identity and how it also mirrored my own need for a different identity in that over a period of time I like her came to realise what I had to do in my case I wanted to be a cd but in her case she realised that she had to change gender. Having been with her and spoken about both sides of the fence I came to feel a real understanding of how, what and why we are what we are.
This meeting gave me a whole new insight in life in general and gave such a big understanding of all the various differences we have in general.