How do I know if I want to?

[Allisa]

I am curious how does one know the signs of possible transition is near? I ask this because as of late I've noticed my interests have changed more toward the femme and that I sometimes feel as though in male mode I'm CDing and I change to femme as soon as I can and stay that way for as long as I can. My mind focuses more on female items than ever before, I find myself in the womens departments thinking of fashion and style and how they would look on me and make me feel ,my male self could care less what I wear and how it looks. As a male I never could wear jewelry of any kind, now I feel naked without it and piercing my ears just made me feel so good now I can't go without some type of earrings. There are so many little things that have changed, too many to mention here. I don't know if hormones would be the answer but maybe just to make small changes so I could live as a female, yes it is a big move and life altering but I guess it's all in my mind since I don't dislike my body per say and this is not a passing phase or "pink fog" as I have been there and know of what I speak. It's just that lately I feel more natural in the clothes that are assigned to the way I feel as a person and help to express those feelings. Things have been happening so fast since I accepted the fact that I am gender fluid? just a short time ago. Being born a male I can't say how it feels to be female so TS is not who I am, just a bit worried?, confused?, apprehensive? I know seek professional help, but insight from those who know and have gone through a similar situation may help ease my mind for now while making a decision. It just seems I'm headed in a direction I find hard to comprehend. I'm a blind man afraid of the dark. Any replies are greatly appreciated. Thank-you.

[AngelaYVR]

I am utterly unqualified to say but I think that if these feelings that wash over you now were absent in your earlier life then perhaps it is not the right thing to do. Somebody else will say it so I might as well: talk to a professional.

[sometimes_miss]

We all know we feel good when crossdressed, but each of us has to figure out WHY we feel the need to do so. Until you do that, you're not going to know if you should transition. Wanting to transition isn't the reason for doing it, just like wanting to eat doesn't tell you why you want to stuff your face; for example, you may be hungry, you may be nervous, you may have an eating disorder, it may be a defense mechanism to keep you from thinking about something else, you may be hypoglycemic, etc. etc.. Just like all those reasons for eating, you're going to have to decide what the reason is that YOU want to transition. Because 'I just wanna be a girl' doesn't cut it. If you don't know why you feel the need to crossdress, I'd recommend that you find a therapist and start looking into your past to determine where this all came from. Good luck. And remember, don't discount any idea just because it makes you feel uncomfortable. There are apparently lots of gay people who will deny to the death that they could ever be homosexual, all because of the way they're brought up and brainwashed by religions.

[Robin414]

Hi Allisa, I consider myself a 'tween', I'm probably in the same boat you are so it's kinda 'the blind leading the blind' but I act and feel like a woman pretty much all the time, I have to conciously 'be a guy' when it's nessesary ('nessesary' hmmm, I think that means I'm not ready to transition?)

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Allisa.
First off.... A blind man in the dark is right at home so.....
Anyway..............
To transition, or not to transition that is the question!
I imagine we all have this question run through our mind once or twice, maybe three or four times,( or more )
Bit for you right now the question is do you feel that you are more feminine or male?
Fog is thick sometimes. Does it get thicker as we age???
Much Love,
Kristyn

[ReineD]

Any replies are greatly appreciated. Thank-you.

Reading down your post, you describe the femme things that make you feel natural and that you focus on more than before. I'll list them: in the womens departments thinking of fashion and style and how they would look on you and make you feel, feeling naked without jewelry, how good having pierced ears feel, and not being able to go out without earrings.

If you want my opinion, this is not what being TS is about. The things you mention all deal with presentation and I understand why wearing female things makes you feel good. But, transsexuals are women born in male bodies. They are women already, they just haven't aligned their bodies yet to match their gender identity, they see themselves as women in all aspects of their lives, just like birth females. And to keep going along this vein, being a birth female is not about shopping and focusing on fashion, jewelry, looks, etc. Yes, women do adorn themselves when the occasion calls for it, but this takes a very small amount of time and energy in their overall lives. The bulk of their time is spent doing what they need to do in their relationships, their families, their jobs, their homes and home maintenance, budgeting, finance, thinking about retirement, their hobbies or interests, etc, and doing this as a woman ... negotiating for a car, trying to get a promotion while competing with men, being mindful when she is out alone at night and planning for safety, living life in a world that is still a man's world, etc. Back to TSs, they're thinking about what effect transition will have on their marriages, with their kids, their friends, will they keep their jobs, how will coworkers deal with the transition, what will happen as the result of reduced sexual functioning with HRT, will they find partners after a transition, etc.

So ... you may be TS, no one here is in a position to say (you do need to consider speaking to a professional), and if you are, you need to think about a lot more things than how the clothes and the jewelry make you feel. I wish you all the best.

[pamela7]

I'd second Reine's opinion. Your post, Allisa, is similar to one I could have written a while ago, and I'm settled in presenting femininely but not transitioning.

[Katey888]

I think I'm beginning to understand that a fair-sized segment of us really falls into the genderfluid category - where varying degrees and frequency of presentation and public expression is enough to satisfy the need (if one accepts it's condition driven) but there is no requirement or desire to migrate permanently from one misaligned binary gender status to another.

The best answers to that question on this forum are not likely to be found in the CD section... Read what's in the TS section and post there if you're still uncertain - I think that represents the best web advice you could find prior to any professional interaction (and a much reduced bank account... )

Let's hear it for the GFs!!!

Katey x

[BOBBI G.]

Combine both ReineD's and Katey888's comments, and that could be the number one answer.

For me, I had no choice. I just finished with all the legals, I am woman, and I feel like a released prisoner.

Bobbi

[Cheryl_Layton]

Hi, Allisa.

I can identify with your dilemma. I, too, wonder if I would ever reach a stage where I would want to transition and live full-time as a woman. I’m not there yet but, given the right circumstances and lifestyle changes I wouldn’t be surprised if it came to pass.

My point is this. You are living your life for YOU and no-one else. You don’t have to follow in anyone else’s footsteps. You only need to do whatever feels right to YOU in the timeframe that suits YOU. If you feel that you want to transition then go ahead and do so – does anyone have the right to tell you that you can’t transition, or that you have to jump through several hoops to ‘prove’ you’re a ‘genuine’ TG or TS (whatever that may be)?

Of course I do believe that you need to take a lot of things into consideration and how they can impact on you and others (eg family members) although I think that if the urge to transition is strong enough you will do your own thing anyway.

What’s the worst that can happen? You get halfway along the transition route and then you decide that it’s not for you. You simply go back to guy mode. Nobody will (or should) condemn you for it. It’s your body, your life (which you only live once) so go for what makes YOU happy!

Cheryl x

[Suzanne F]

Allisa
For me I knew that I needed to transition as the pain grew. I have gone back and read my posts in this section when I had to return to being male. It was devastatingly for me to return to male. Yes I love the things you talked about but what was really important was that I was a woman and could not bear for the world to demand I be a man anymore. It is about all facets of my relationships with my wife, family, friends and work. I am now transitioning at work, the final hurdle. Yes I am on hormones and I will never stop! So for me yes I am TS. I shared this process with both my psychiatrist and therapist. They both concurred that this was the right decision. Find a professional and be honest. You will find the right path!
Suzanne

[Kate Simmons]

I believe that is what the RLT (real life test) period is all about my friend, to see if you can adapt and live as a woman while taking hormones before any surgery. I used to think that is what I wanted but after getting in touch with all of my feelings decided that I can be free to be myself in either "mode" without restrictions.

[Tracii G]

Maybe you should do the real life test and see if its the right thing for you.

[Allisa]

Thank-you all for your responses. Maybe I used the wrong word (transition),as I stated I do not feel as a woman in the wrong body I am not TS, that I know, but maybe much more femme than masc. Maybe I'll try the RLT to see if I can cope with the world thru softer skin. I don't want to remove or rebuild certain parts of my body but some modification for presentation would help. Once again thank-you all.

[Peggie Lee]

Society's hard and fast gender binary rules are a made up thing, gender is a spectrum, crossdressing has freed us to explore this spectrum to see where we really are on it. Be yourself and claim your spot on it.

[Tina_gm]

From the things I have read from those who are TS and have or are transitioning, if you are asking, then the answer is no, or at least not yet. There is a big.... huge difference between like a woman, more like a woman or simply being a woman.

Perhaps you are slowly peeling away the layers and one day you will find that your core truly is that, a woman, or perhaps you will find that you are a more feminine than masculine person, but not a woman, just more like one in many ways. If it is that, then transition is likely not the right course of action. You should have zero doubt that you are deep down at your core a woman when transitioning.

[arbon]

I don't know, maybe you don't really understand what RLT is or it's purpose? With RLT you are transitioned in every aspect of your life, and it really does not mean anything except to the medical community. So trying it = means nothing.

If it makes you happy presenting more as a woman then just do that, keep it simple.