Family Conversation Left Me Speachless

[Amy Fakley]

Yeah, I feel you.

My wife and I have raised our children in a very progressive, accepting environment, and so far they have turned out to be just exactly the kind of people I've always hoped they would be. But that's definitely not true of our extended family. There's never been any doubt whatsoever about where they stand on these types of issues (just slightly to the left of the Nazi party), and they NEVER miss an opportunity to tell you just exactly what their take on it is.

Almost as if they've known something was "off" with me since I was a child and they're baiting me or something, I dunno. It's frustrating as all get out though. Kudos for keeping the peace. Even though it might not have been the "rightest" thing to do, I can understand that it may have been the socially necessary thing to do.

I've been in that situation before too many times. Who wants to be the family that descends into a shouting match at the outback steakhouse on a Sunday afternoon? And usually it's just one or two loudmouths at the table, and really do you want to do this with grandma there she's like 90, she doesn't even know what day it is!

So you damn near bite a hole in your tounge, while your kids (whom you've told to stand up for what's right their entire lives) watch you fold.

It sucks! But I totally get it. Hang in there. There will eventually be a time and place that is right for this confrontation, and you will totally get to righteously unleash!

[Eryn]

After the news started advertising Jenner's show, I heard several women in my life express that they are quite uncomfortable with trans people in the women's room. That might be a widely held sentiment.

Not widely held, as most women don't worry about it at all.

To those who object I ask whether they are bothered by obese women, ugly women, or loud women in the restroom. All have the right to use the facility. Chances are, they have shared restrooms with TG people dozens of times and not even realized it.

[Krisi]

We are taught from birth that males and females are different and once we reach a certain age, we are taught that boys use the boys restroom and girls use the girls restroom. Men use the men's restroom and women use the women's restroom. That's pretty much why there are separate restrooms for males and females and it's the law in some places. Anyone trying to change this is going to face a long uphill battle.

As far as "transgender" or "trans" people using the women's restroom, until the point that they have had SRS and legally become (and look like) women, most folks view them as men in women's clothing (or wolves in sheep's clothing). Whatever we think about it, it's not going to change the general public's perception. If women are afraid of transgender women or men dressed as women, that is their legitimate feeling regardless of how we feel about it.

The restroom issue would be best solved by individual unisex restrooms.

As for the "Jenner situation", I don't believe it has helped anything. Most folks think it's a joke or a publicity stunt.

[Beverley Sims]

Christina,

Gay people are accepted but "Men in Dresses?" Yuk!

I get the same vibes from my circle of "friends?"

Next meal, I would attend in drag, and point out women were not allowed to be actors, all female roles used to be played by men in drag, that maybe women probably shouldn't be allowed to vote, they should all be barefoot & pregnant in the kitchen.

Rachel,
The last part of your quote I haven't heard for a long time.

I mentioned it to Germaine Greer once backstage when the womens movement was really strong.
It was a strong male belief at the time.

"Maybe women probably shouldn't be allowed to vote, they should all be kept barefoot & pregnant in the kitchen."

I think it is still a South Island, West Coast idea as well.

Enny way I am still alive to relate the story...

[pamela7]

the only way you find out the real views is by them not knowing, in this case its possiblly a sign of daughter rebellion/disapproval, perhaps she can't resolve her Electra as things stand?

people will be polite to our faces when we are revealed, it's only when we are undercover we can discover real attitudes. hypocrisy rules and we're probably just as full of it as anyone else

[Sharon B.]

That conservation is why most of us are still in the closet, there is no way I could tell my two sisters that I enjoy wearing women's attire more then I do men's attire or that I keep my body hairless and wear nail polish on my toenails.
That I would rather shop for a dress and /or skirt with a top then to shop for men's wear. That I like to wear nylons or knee highs over socks, that I like to wear makeup and perfume.

[ChristinaK]

Wow, I never expected to garner so much attention on the subject. So many replies with great advice, thank you.

The next day I wore my hair almost totally feminine and wore my most girly Hawaiian shirt. I wanted to wear my lavender crew neck, ribbed knit sweater that I wore on the drive to my Mother's, but it was wrinkled. My sister started discussing thrift stores and I relayed a story about one I went to that had such a large supply of nice women's clothes, and the evening gowns were so cheap, yet in perfect condition. She didn't miss a beat and didn't address me shopping in the women's clothes section, but then she also knows I buy all of my wife's clothes. She probably has a pretty good suspicion, particularly since I used to steal her clothes when I was young. She must have noticed the wrinkles, the stretching, etc. in her clean clothes. And, her panty hose was always disappearing...

My family is not aware of my CDing that I ever told them, but I wouldn't doubt that they suspect. My daughter, a tween, knows that I shop for her mom and her and we admire clothes together, get our nails done, etc. On the drive there I wore a sweater, women's sunglasses and my hair was very feminine. I think she knows I'm different, but hasn't contemplated me being fully dressed. I suspect that she will wonder later. If she snoops around, the jig will be up. She would love me anyway. She might even like to go shopping together. The bra comment was genuine, but she could get used to it. I would tell her as we are very close, but her mother would shoot me after she poured gasoline all over me and lit it.

When the conversation happened, I was so taken aback that I couldn't decide whether to address it or not, nor could I address it without becoming very embarrassed and would not have had a coherent rebuttal. My sister is a loud mouth and would have argued with me about which bathroom to use, gay rights, transgendered, etc. I can't change her mind anyway. My nephew is cool and might even be one of us.

If my family suspects, so be it. I wish they could know and accept me, but even if they suspect and don't ostracize me, I guess I have to be happy with that. I would love to educate them on transgendered, but them knowing about me would not change their minds, just as it has not changed my wife's.

[Lorileah]

As far as "transgender" or "trans" people using the women's restroom, until the point that they have had SRS and legally become (and look like) women, most folks view them as men in women's clothing (or wolves in sheep's clothing).

*best Columbo voice* Just one more thing how would you know what parts I have unless you looked?



You all can stand silent and say "gee my family wouldn't understand" and you would be absolutely correct...they won't because no one takes the time to explain. You're scared, I get that. And luckily you have the ability to disappear. I don't. So when you all get to discuss with your family transgenderism or equality and you don't you implicitly agree with what they are saying.

I am having GRS in the near future so it has come up with many CLOSE friends. Strange thing is they didn't know I had not already HAD the surgery. They assumed I was complete. Guess that's why no one complained when I use the women's restroom huh?

I have been here for a long time, I have ranted, raved, screamed, begged, pleaded and coaxed the Non-TS part of this community to see that the issues aren't just TS related but they effect you too. So many want to be "out" and yet they can't or won't tell their family about it. If you don't talk about it they will think everything is just fine. You think they will disown you if you tell them? Just think how much worse it can be if they find out through another channel. Pre-emptive works better than defense.

Changing the general public's perception won't happen without someone (and I guess that would be the transsexuals) standing up for themselves. No on gets anything without asking.