Do you feel like your constantly pushed back into the closet?

[Judy-Somthing]

Being a CDer I bought two nice dresses today, can't wait to try them on.

My wife and I were watching TV and on most shows everyone's dressed so well.

I first commented on a guy with a black suit with a black shirt saying I thought it looked nice.
Then I commented on a a woman with a red pencil skirt and black blouse saying I thought it looked sexy.
My wife said Why are you interested in their clothes? I don't like it!
I said now that I'm getting older I want to dress nicer.
She said it was weird and didn't want to hear it any more.
I know it's not good for the marriage but I told her I'll keep my thoughts to myself and pretend to be who she wants me to be.

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like your closet and my closet r VERY DIFFERENT, Judy!

My closet is a welcoming, happy place. With no one judging me no matter how crazily I'm dressed. (Or, undressed!)
I hang there more often because I want to!

But like u, I can't discuss any of it with my live in, adult, daughter. But, she knows better than to ever come upstairs to my bedroom suite un announced!

[Robin414]

Ouch Judy, I'm sorry to hear that! My wife isn't into fashion...at all and before the pink fog rolled in and took over the show I would dress very well as a guy but I felt I had to 'sneak in' the Harry Rosen bags full of Armani jeans and Ferragamo shoes so as to not set off alarms.

Maybe that's why I CD, suppression leads to explosion...you want me to dress like a 1920's era potato farmer 😠 Yah....no...I'll dress like a chic instead. ..take that!

OK, pretty sure we all know that has nothing to do with it but the 'suppression leads to explosion' thing, food for thought, maybe?

[Tracii G]

Never been in the closet so I don't know what that feels like.
As far as your wife's comments aren't you allowed to have your own likes, dislikes and opinions?
Not sure I could live being told what to do and think.
I don't see how you ladies do it to be honest.

[PattyT]

Never. I started out in the closet and will never return.

[Rachelakld]

Does she comment such on ALL your opinions, likes and dislikes?
My ex was like that - actually she still is, and that's why she is single

[suzanne]

I made it clear to my wife that l'm not going back into the closet. That if she delivers the ultimatum I'll reply by leaving the marriage. To me, the ultimatum is a sign she doesn't respect who I am. She in turn began to learn about and understand my need to crossdress, telling me she now knows its a part of who I am. Once she got to that point, she started really looking at my clothes and discovered that I have good taste and that I actually look nice in a skirt. She now says she likes my skirts more than my dresses, so she's seeing me more objectively than she did originally.

My approach flies in the face of the wise advice most if the people in this forum, who say, "Go slow. Let her decide the pace of your reveal." But for years, her preferred speed was zero, so I eventually decided to preserve my sanity by doing my own thing and being prepared for blowback, which didn't materialize. I guess we got lucky. I don't recommend my approach to anyone else.

[StacyCD]

I went from keeping my crossdressing a secret to don't ask don't tell to now being able to pretty much dress as I like. I can't say she is supportive but I'll live with tolerant. I would never go 'back into the closet.'

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Judy , It's always so sad to read a thread like this one, My wonderfulWIFE is DA/DT
and she knows about everything and nothing is hidden
she just don't want to see me while I'm dressed.

We both often comment about what women are wearing especially while watching
Wheel Of Fortune and what Vanna White is wearing tonight......

[Krisi]

I'm assuming your wife doesn't know about your little "hobby".

If you've always been into fashion and nice clothes, that's one thing but a sudden interest will arouse suspicion. I will sometimes point out items of clothing to my wife (mostly extreme women's shoes) but she knows about and accepts my dressing.

[CarlaWestin]

Yeah, Judy. I feel you. I recently suggested that it could be a lot of fun for me to clean house as a properly uniformed housekeeper.
I got that, one in the chamber response, "Don't even think about it!"
This is from someone that essentially dresses in male attire everyday.
DADT is OK and I don't hide anything any more but, I would certainly enjoy a little understanding and acceptance instead of just old school prejudice.

[Judy-Somthing]

This morning when I got up I asked my wife if she washed any of my clothes.
She said "there in the basket"
I reached in and took one of her bras and held it to my chest and said maybe I'll wear this today.
She replied "OMG will this ever stop? How would you like it if I grew a ma-stash?"

[Lily Catherine]

It's up to you to consider whether to open the doors. Based on your most recent post, you effectively did. Doesn't sound like she's taking it kindly, however.

In response to the titular question -
Despite having come out to slightly more than a handful of friends and family - at least telling them - I'm strictly speaking still stuck in the proverbial closet, and I am only pulling myself back in. Having a glass closet doesn't help matters either.

It wouldn't be too pleasant -- at least while I'm not full time nor considering the prospect of transition - to crossdress unwarranted in the presence of most of these.

Interestingly, I have accompanied my mother while she shopped for clothes even before I began to crossdress. I still carry her shopping bags. Even now she sometimes asks me if a particular garment looks nice or is worth buying. I do my best, but given her attitude to the idea of me crossdressed, I must learn to take caution not to bang on the closet's walls. It isn't Mum pushing me back - even if she had implied trying to.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I reached in and took one of her bras and held it to my chest and said maybe I'll wear this today.
She replied "OMG will this ever stop? How would you like it if I grew a ma-stash?"

You're being passive-aggressive about the issue. Stop it. Do you want to encourage her to react badly when you do tell her directly or when she does find out?
This "game" you're playing is not a good thing.

Veronica

[Joni T]

Personally I don't know how any of you last in a relationship where you can't be open and honest with your spouse /SO. My wife and I have no secrets from each other. The first time we met she met Joni, not Jon. Makes me wonder what else you have to hide from her. Sure glad I'm not in your shoes.
Jon

[Dana44]

Judy I feel for you I remember some of the comments you made over time. Wow is all I can say. To have an understanding mate is the best anyone could ask for. My SO has bought me a purse after mine broke at the Diva get together. It is a much finer leather purse. She washes my boy and girl clothes and carefully folds them and gets them ready for me to put away. She is very kind to me. I have come out to many of my past girls. None of them even got close to trashing me on it. Some just thought it was weird and even would go out to dinner with me. That heavy rebuttal is hard on you and She may not really respect you. Sometimes it is better to live by yourself than go though bad times with a woman or even a male. Talk to her about respect and how it is important for her and you to understand each other.

[I Am Paula]

The problem with the closet, is no matter how big, there is not enough room for our wings.