I'm only "out" to my wife and her sister and that's as far as it ever needs to go. Her sister knows only because my wife "confided" in her during her meltdown when she "discovered" my cd'ing after 20+ years in the closet. Counseling has left our relationship as strictly DADT so the closet is just fine with me when it comes to everybody else.
I would suggest, however, that you do tell your wife or SO before they "accidentally" find out to save y'all from having to face massive turmoil in your lives!
