Would you lie about the forum ?

[Teresa]

My thoughts about this started when my wife was going through some Face Book entries and began to get annoyed about some people we know in our village, they hardly find the time to speak and yet they are being called the best parents and friends people have known. She queried if they were talking about the same people !
For some reason I wondered if she thought if I might have a FB account for my CDing, to answer that I would say definitely not, I don't trust them !

Then I continued to think if she asked me if I was on line on a forum or whatever would I admit I was or would I lie ?

I know some encourage partners to come and have a look or even have their own account, but in my case I can't talk to her about this part of my life and would prefer her not to see some of the things I have said. I know that's not a good situation maybe even a dangerous one but selfish or not it's got me through a difficult period. So do I admit being on a forum on that basis or do I lie ?

I will add that I admitted to both my daughter and son that I visit a CDing forum so maybe this question is going to be irrelevant eventually anyway if they make a slip and tell her, I would guess they've forgotten .

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Interesting and thought provoking question to say the least.

I'd like to say that I wouldn't lie about being a member of the forum but I confess there is a slight doubt in my mind.

My wife knows I visit this site as well as converse with a few "friends" on here but that's about the extent of it. She tolerates to accepts my feminine desire to dress but we don't talk about it a lot. She gives me the distinct impression she isn't interested or it upsets her when I try to go down this road. For the most part I've quit trying and do all that with "friends" or my Therapist.

I don't participate on any social media sites and like it that way.

[CarlaWestin]

I've had a personal policy for as long as I can remember to always tell the truth. Or, just remain quiet. The truth has no agenda and lies have to be remembered. Like many others, this is practically the only CD interaction site that I visit. I do correspond by email with an old group of CD friends that I've met along the way. And I read posts from a small yahoo group. But, Carla will never be on Facebook.

[Jackie7]

While I agree with Carla, and have no issues with my wife, who is 100% supportive no matter what, Facebook still poses a difficult family problem for me. Which, as my 70th birthday rolls past, I've finally decided to ignore. The problem arises because I'm socially out, friends take photos at parties and dinners, I'm in the photo and it's on their FB page. If they tag me with my real name, as often happens, my teenage grandchildren see the photo in their FB feeds. As do old colleagues and business friends, to whom I'm mostly not out except for scurrilous rumors that are so old nobody cares. I used to chase these photos down and remove the name tags, but after this past weekend, when a half-dozen friends posted shots from my birthday party (me in my long Chinese-style dress), I finally gave up. The teenagers and their parents (my grown children) will just have to cope. I'm visiting them all this coming week, we'll see if anybody says anything.

[Fiona123]

Like other aspects of my crossdressing I would treat my presence on this site DADT as far as my wife goes. If she asked, I would tell though. I would not lie. This is the only social media site I use. 🌺

PS I am extremely grateful this site exists.

[Elizabeth G]

This is a difficult question. If I ever come out to my wife I would like for her to have this forum as an information source but I'm afraid that she may not be ready for the information overload she might get from reading my posts. I don't like the idea of continued deceit but it might be the lesser of two evils especially if she isn't terribly receptions to your cd'ing in the first place. It's all academic for me at the moment anyway but it is one more thing to consider.

Elizabeth

[Teresa]

Jackie,
That's an interesting angle and one I should have considered , I may not have an account but who's could I end up appearing on ?

Something similar did happen after my first social outing, some photographs were taken during the dance after the meal and a group of us were posted on TVChix events page with a summary of the event. I believe a request was made to remove them, I can't say for certain if they didn't get posted on before their deletion but it was a lesson in how you can be outed without knowing anything about it.

Elizabeth,
That's partly my feeling, I know I've been too open but some entries are best avoided , I know GGs can join the FAB section , but as I don't know it's contents I'm not sure if even that could be too much.

[Raychel]

No, The hiding is over here, If someone has a question, ask, I will answer the way it is.
like it or not, that is how it is.

Yup, I bought a new pair of heels, is that a problem.........

[Meghan4now]

Well IF my wife would ever want to know anything about Meghan, I would let her know. I would not be embarrassed in the least by anything I post here. I don't get super giddy or foggy here, I don't get explicit or overly suggestive, or flirty. My pics are not riske. The only embarrassing thing might be if she started to look at the time that I have spent here.

I try not to lie to my wife or anyone else for that matter. I can be evasive once in a while.

[Teresa]

Raychel,
She knows I shop, we do discuss it from the financial point of view, I've made it clear that I will try to shop in mostly charity shops, if I can buy a dress for ten pounds rather than a hundred then we're both happy.
The whole outfit for my last outing cost about twenty pounds, I've posted the pics in the picture section.

That's another aspect my wife doesn't know about she hasn't seen what I wear or what pictures I've taken .

It feels like I've gone back to the thread talking about my double life !

[Raychel]

We all have a double life of some sort.

But you have to do what is right for both you and your wife.
I say if she ask's questions, answer them honestly,
and lets the cards fall where they may.

[reb.femme]

I can definitely see the dilemma. When I first came out to my wife, she opened an account on here and conversed with a few people. Now, I'm not sure what she read or what was said, but after a short while, she just stopped and has never been on since. Any attempts to broach the subject have lead to, shall we say, obfuscation and an innate ability to avoid the question, so I haven't pushed it.

She knows that I have this site, a UK site (I got cheesed off there due to a couple of whingers and haven't posted in a while), plus my Facebook and TransPALS accounts, in addition to my web site. She knows that they all exist and I've said she can have my passwords to go in and have a look if she wants to, but she doesn't do so. Nothing to hide, so I'm open to audit, so to speak.

Unfortunately Teresa, as you have a sort of DADT going on, the dilemma from my point of view is, if she isn't interested in discussing or seeing this, then not 'fessing up' to the accounts is in accord with the current relationship status of DADT. However, I would at least own up to it, if asked. As has been previously said, the truth has no agenda. But, as you say, where are your pics landing? If you see any of mine, all I ask is that you don't print them off to throw darts at.

Becky

[Jenn A116]

If my wife asked about this forum I wouldn't have any problem at all telling her about it. I'd probably also send her a link to it.

[Sarah Beth]

I don't have face book and don't want to have it, it seems like a waste of time to me and way too many getting to know other peoples business.
In answer to question as to if I would lie about being a member of this forum or any other forum the answer would be no. I don't hide what I do from my wife she has known for a lot of years and is on and off supportive of me and my dressing. It's always hard to tell with her what she is thinking and if I ask I don't always get an answer but I do know this that if she asked me about the forum and what I do I would tell her.

[Tracii G]

If it helps you then don't tell her.
If she finds out say it helps you deal with the stress you feel.

[bridget thronton]

She knows I read this forum

[IamWren]

Something that Meghan said sort of struck a chord with me in that I don't too giddy, girly or crazed about the pink fog... anymore. In fact, things have leveled off and seem to be in decline.

HOWEVER... I used to get pretty giddy and the fog had me acting quite girly when I first joined the forum. I don't have a facebook acct for my dressing side but I do have a Pinterest acct for pinning ideas, tutorials and inspiration.

I think if she found this account I would be worried about being embarrassed from the things I posted at first.

[RobertaFermina]

Simple (but not easy) Formula:

You speak of intimate matters here.
Is she respectful with the same kind of intimate thoughts and feelings between you both ?
If not, then HELL NO!!!

If yes, and you have posted things you would regret her seeing: delete if you can, any regrettable postings (if you can) or make a new account, and blow this one away.
Then you'd have a choice to say yes, and have less cause to say no.


oh...and I met my wife on this forum..so....I can't speak from experience.
though I stopped dressing since after my father died in 2010, and she might be surprised to know I've started interacting again.....Hmmmm.....

[CynthiaD]

I tell my wife some of the more interesting stories I've read here. I've suggested she get her own account, but she just isn't interested.

[Dana44]

My GF has an account on here and she gets on it once in a while. She does look a my posts and I try to be kind to her when I talk about us. But she has questioned a few things. Also says the many of the threads talk about the same stuff.

[Angie G]

I don't do Face Book. But I'm active were on this site and my wife knows I am. SO So I have no need to lie to her.she has no problum with my dressing or this forum.
Angie

[Gillian Gigs]

I have a facebook account for keeping up with photos of grandkids and family. I don't trust facebook any farther than that! I follow two CD forums and my wife is aware. She is supportive, but draws the line at a couple of things. The first being no going out in public enfemme, and two being having no interest in the forums. Nothing to get upset about, and I can live with them.

[char GG]

Hi Teresa,
I don't think it is a good idea to lie about the forum. In my opinion, you may still be digging yourself out from the 20 year secret of not telling your wife about your dressing. It sounds like she has become a bit more supportive. It's probably a good idea to be truthful now.

You really don't have to mention that a forum exists but don't lie.

[GBJoker]

I don't tell any one about being on this forum. Probably never will. I don't see why I would.

[Philippa Jane]

I did get my SO an account on this site but to the best of knowledge she has only been on it once. (and that got me into trouble)