I accept my husband. Why does he struggle to accept himself

[Charlotte Ann]

Hello,

I want to thank all of you for taking the time to respond to my post and share your experience. Having no practical experience as a man trying to understand the expectations that thousands of years of social norms drills into the male brain was hard to grasp.

I tend to see things as a woman who's mother waved her " woman now " sign fighting for equality with her baby strapped to her back . I believe the sexes are equal and I have as much right to wear a man clothes as he does to wear mine. Perhaps in the future that will be the case with this generation paving the ground for the next.

I did share your responses with my husband as a result it has opened the door to very productive honest conversation on the subject . We cannot express our gratitude enough for the thoughtfulness in your responses
He has mentioned perhaps joining this site as well which I hope he does. The Internet if full of misinformation ,predictors, trolls and hate it is nice to find a place where people are open and sincere.

We plan to spend the weekend working on her signature look for an evening out. I look forward to the first date night out with my husband and my gal. I have of course explained that one of my limits for public outings is she may not wear anything in public that he wouldn't let his twenty year old daughter wear so the daisy Dukes will stay home . Seems fair the medium ground will most likely be a classic little black dress.
Hugs all
C

[Tina_gm]

That is very good news. I know for myself, when I saw that there are many more people like me than I thought there was, and that many of these people are married, have kids, good jobs etc etc.... I was able to begin to let go of my own insecurities somewhat. It is such a hard thing to do, living life with all of this fear and doubt and self loathing or hatred. I think maybe him seeing that there are so many others that have experienced what he does makes a difference.

[CONSUELO]

Charlotte Ann,

Welcome to the Forum and congratulations on a good first post. I don't believe that there is much I can add to the discussion. I do support the often expressed opinion here that most cross dressers do feel conflict between their desire and the way society has regarded cross dressing in the past. Yes indeed it is getting better but just look at some of the coverage of Caitlin Jenner and the many disparaging comments that were made about her. That will give you some idea of how parts of society view cross dressing. All of those attitudes that wash through the sphere of public discourse affect us. On top of that he had a poor experience with his first marriage and may well have taken on a few sack loads guilt from that.
Do encourage him to join this forum. I think it will help a lot. Best wishes and I hope you both have a lot of fun and laughter.

[ReineD]

I have of course explained that one of my limits for public outings is she may not wear anything in public that he wouldn't let his twenty year old daughter wear so the daisy Dukes will stay home . Seems fair

This is always a good rule to follow. :D

Good luck with your outing and have fun!

[Tina_gm]

There is no doubt that there can be a big conflict between what we do, how we dress, what we like and what society expects from a man. Now at least for me, I can sometimes feel a conflict within myself simply for what I feel, like and do. It is as if both masculine and feminine aspects of me want to be in control, neither riding shotgun, yet one of them has to.... well sort of anyway. Even though I have no alter ego whatsoever, not even a female name, I still cannot feel comfortable with a true 50-50 blend. So sometimes, I think our own internal core identity as CDers, gender variant to whatever degree can be in a state of conflict at times.

[AnnieMac]

I must say this is one of the more thoughtful and deeper threads that I have read on this forum in quite a while, and I guess I should know, I've been guilty of a silly, snarky post myself every now and then. So I thank you for your thoughtful post Charlotte Ann. But it also still makes me sad that we as a society on a whole still have to talk about this; that a man can't just present himself and wear what he feels in public, without the usual disdained scrutiny, even if we do choose to wear a summer dress and prefer make-up once and while. But I guess normal GGs have experienced so much scrutiny on how they look, that maybe it just comes with cross dressing territory too.

Charlotte, you mentioned you have always been a bit of a tom-boy. I kind of think there is something to this with cross dressing (well, at least me ). So many of my young friends growing up where "tom-boy-style" girls and I think it's because I loved that part of their personality so much; that they could be whoever that felt like. I think that's because reflected in them was somehow what I was too, a tom-boy (or perhaps nancy-girl). Tom-boys as I was growing up were always a positive thing, or looked upon as cute, yet if you were male, any slight thing that you did that was remotely female was denigrated as being deviant. Geesh, I even got made fun of for taking piano lessons at the time, because that's what little girls did when I was growing up. (It was a class of all females, other than me, I must point out). Girls were sugar & spice, boys were puppy dog's tails. I didn't want to be a puppy dog's tail.

So, yes, I guess I am a tom-boy too. I feel male at times, and female at others and I would guess, cross dresser or not, the are a whole lot of other good folks out there that feel this way too. Life is short, it's time for all of us to be free, and I think we are starting to see progress, albeit at a snail's pace. Much love to all of my fellow "girls" on this forum!