I'm much like you Jessica (and others). I'm a big man. 6'3",215 lb., older man but in good shape. I have my Man Card punched in every way you can imagine. Played rough sports (football to the small college level, rugby, wrestled competitively until age 30, boxing, etc.) Career military/ fighter pilot. In my own mind and especially in the mind of The Significant Other, I'm a man's man by all outward appearances and life.
I was brutally reminded of this when The SO and I had "The Talk". Of course it's not one Talk, and it went on for days (very well, I add), and out came the clothing and even a few fashion displays for her benefit. The outcome is a good level of acceptance on her part. She's bought me clothes. But she was (and is) still not entirely comfortable with "it".
The one statement that hit hard in The Talk was "I miss my big strong man. I like my men manly." It hit hard because I actually understood where she was coming from. And frankly, it was a good thing to hear. It helped put all of my new dressing-up life into perspective. As my desire to dress more and more blossomed into a Coming-Out, my enthusiasm caused me to make it ALL ABOUT ME. And in many respects, it is all about Me (the dresser), because it's so linked to lifestyle and identity. Of course.
Since then, I've made it a point to not FOCUS on dressing up, in full, a lot. I get my time. But I also remind her that her REAL Man is still here, and always will be. Extra affection. Longer hugs. Yes, you can continue to love your SO the way its always been, as still express that femme side. But I found it important to tend to my marriage and physical relationship even more since she learned.
I was reminded we don't live in a vacuum, especially if you have long existing relationships you value,.... and THEN, you come out to the world. Those aren't disposable, nor should they be. I've found that its wise and makes for a better transition to be honest with each other (first and foremost), and respect the sensitivities of those you trust.
