Remarks from strangers

[Teresa]

Lorileah,
Thanks for making that point, women do have many reasons to pass compliments even if it is a guy in a dress.

[AnnieMac]

Hmmm, you may have a point there Lorileah. Funny, I bought some regular old "Keds Looking" guy sneakers from of all places Payless ( makes me laugh that I actually bought guy shoes there because I usually by my large size women shoes there). And because they were burgundy red, not the usually guy color I guess, I got many compliments from females that have noticed my shoes (no guys have said anything yet and that tells you how much more women noticed shoes). Even though this is all drab mode stuff, I did really like women noticing and complimenting my shoes. Like being crossdressed with all the fuss and muss

[melissa_rinaldi]

About 25 years ago, I had a woman compliment me on my purple dress from behind. when I turned around to thank her she looked in a state of shock seeing I was not female. fortunately I have improved my look a lot since then so those occurrences are few and far between now. point is, I got a compliment when she had no idea I was not female.

[Lana Mae]

Lorileah, I like your example of the car and could not agree more! Hugs Lana Mae

[Kandi Robbins]

Complements are meant to be supportive, literally random acts of kindness. How can that be a bad thing?

I cherish each and every single one I receive and remember them for quite a while.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Wow. A thread complaining about compliments.

Learn to take a compliment for what it is.

No, that isn't my point. Let me put it another way.

Imagine you are hugely overweight and a stranger comes up to you, or knocks on your car window, and says, "Wow, it's so great that a person like you is actually out and about- good for you!"

How would you feel?

Maybe it's like going up to a short person and saying, "Gee, you really don't look like a midget up close"

Yup, that's exactly what I mean.

[AllieSF]

Nikki,

I got your point from the start. If you were that fat person then I totally understand how you would feel and have no issue with your comments. However, when so many here are looking for tolerance and acceptance from others, I believe that we need to have the thicker skin and accept that someone was trying to be supportive to us and our cause and their way of showing it in that moment was to try and say something nice, give us a compliment. The glass does not have to be half full. Looking on the positive side makes life better for everyone. If you wanted to be supportive of their efforts and it really bothered you, then thanking them and then telling them to be more careful in their timing and method of delivery next time may help prevent a negative response from someone more sensitive than you.

Most people out there in the real world are nice and trying to be nice, even if that effort comes off as awkward and maybe even a little negative. If people want to totally avoid that type of situation, then maybe they would be better off staying at home. I personally, like many here, welcome those efforts by others to be nice to us. I refuse to live in a glass house where the slightest pebble may make my world come down around me. I give everyone a lot of slack if I think that their intentions were positive. Very few people out there really understand us, so any interactions with them are worth the effort on their part nd on ours to help them better understand. Grouch gets grouch overtime. I prefer being nice and getting similar responses in male or female mode.

[Tracii G]

I have been morbidly obese and I the comment I got was "wow you look fatter in person than you do in your pictures.
Yeah not good and you feel like crap after that.
I get what you mean but you can't stay bitter your whole life either.
The saying you reap what you sow fits this subject to a T.

[Exris]

Im in several minds about this whole thread.

"I get it" about those that are brave enough to venture outside not wanting to be a zoo exhibit. I get that.

But not offering compliments being a good thing? I dont get that. I compliment others on their appearance all the time. Total strangers more than often. Iv never done it to a CD as the only ones I (formerly knew to be honest) know I dislike. I dislike THEM and why they CD.

But if a very attractive girl is opposite me in the train carriage wearing lovely clothes I will say to her "WOW - whoever your meeting had better be worth it!!". I dont creep on the girl. Im not ogling her. Im just complimenting her. And GUESS WHAT? Iv never been accused of hitting on a girl in that situation. My responses have ranged from "Uh.. thanks" up to a massive total of about 5 sentences.

I havent said it as much to older women. Those are the ones I might have ulterior motives for. Iv done it occasionally... it's never gone as well if Im being honest. Iv put a fair bit of grey cell heat into the why that is... I think I have the answer. It's in that I wouldnt say no... where I would to a 20-something. They are lovely pretty and pristine. I am older and scared and not pristine...

@Dolovewell. Cars eh? Yes your car is your personal space. It's a shield and a moat from the world around you. I dont go out... but I did get a chuckle about my race car thinking of it in that format you presented. Iv only driven it in man mode. Iv sometimes worn women's shoes... and often a garter. The shoes are easily hidden. The garter cant be seen under heavy jeans. But if any man had the balls to walk up to me in that car nomatter how I was dressed and compliment me Id be staggered. Staggered and impressed.

The world is becoming more tolerant. CD'ing is always going to be a niche interest area. It's never going to be mainstream. And there will always be those that detract us. Degrade us. Shame us. I cant help but wonder why we are so significant to them that they should do that...

Anyway. Back to @Dolovewell. There are no pics of me on this site so far apart from a terrible leg shot. There will NEVER BE a shot of "Mr Bishi" as my daughter calls him. If I did that then a 10 second google search would reveal exactly who I am... my address and possibly what I had for breakfast this morning. My car and me are not famous. But high profile enough in a niche interest area. It's set up for super track... but I occasionally drag it at Santa Pod. Runs low 10's. And things break. Expensive things break. And those "X game" type TV channels are often there. Im a ZZZzzzzzzz grade celibacy. Im not one at all as Im sure your getting the vibe. But I would be easy to track down.

Returning the conversation to the girl that had the door tap. Glad you had the moment. If I was in my Renault I wouldnt have liked it. In Mr Bishi... lol. I would have lol'd for hours.

[Tracii G]

Nobody would bother tapping on a window of a Renault.
If they did it would be to say where is the rest of your car toots?

[Stephanie47]

My first time out I was in a Lane Bryant and a lady saw me did a double take then came over a said " hey classy lady, you're lookin good". All I could do is squeak out a thank you. I was floating for days after that.
Sara

Personally I would not have used a "squeaky" voice to accept the compliment. I think you'll agree she identified you as a cross dresser, and, was complimenting you. If you do not want to use your male voice maybe "mouthing" a thank you would do the trick.

Nikki,

I have not read all the comments, but, I totally disagree with you when you said "it's actually no more appropriate than the bigots who shout abuse at us." With all the crap that is going on with "bathroom" bills (with a lot more to come) I think their intentions are to show support for your right to be who you feel you are. In a similar manner as a Viet Nam combat infantryman I was totally ignored, if not scorned, and verbally abused by too many people. Frankly, it is nice now to have someone come up to me and shake my hand. Do I find it intrusive sometimes? Or embarrassing? Yes, but, I also have come to recognized their motivations are sincere and in some way they need to do it for themselves.

[Micki_Finn]

Um.... I offer compliments to strangers all the time. It's called being nice. Have we entered the twilight zone? Really, someone saying something nice is now being intrusive? If you're not ready for polite compliments you're not ready for socialization.

[sara66]

Stephanie,
I wasn't trying to squeak, I was just too scared to get out much more than a quiet squeak. She definitely made me as a CD it took a couple of seconds but I saw the recognition in her eyes.
Sara

[Allison Chaynes]

I work at VF. I compliment anyone who wears something I like.

[irene9999]

Women compliment each other on their clothes all the time, it's only natural they would do that when they see us wearing something nice. Now if someone came out out of the blue on the street and started saying how nice I look I'd probably feel like I've been "spotted" and they think it's nice to see a crossdresser out and about

[ImJessicaNow]

I have very long lashes, and a girl at the bar came up to me to ask if I curl them to get the full effect. I told her I hadn't curled them in a while and she was so happy to hear that.

[BettyMorgan]

We can't control how other people think or feel or say. But we can control how we react. I think reacting positively to a compliment is the better route.

When I'm out/interacting in drab with GG friends and colleagues, I definitely notice that women compliment each other frequently. They often compliment each other on their looks; health, clothes, new shoes, etc. That doesn't happen with guys interacting with guys. When I am dressed and out, and receive a compliment, I am taken aback because I'm just not used to being complimented. However, I do feel they are genuine, and they are also letting me know that they are accepting of me the way I am (cuz I don't fool anyone).

[Alaina R]

Yesterday I was out to breakfast with my wife. I was in normal guy mode. A complete stranger walked up to my wife while we sitting at the table and complimented her on her makeup. The woman said that it looked so good that she was going to go home and work on hers to make it better. It made my wife feel great. So in answer to your question as to who does that kind of stuff - women.

[AnnieMac]

There is another thing I have have done several times. I do my fair share of business travel, so when I'm killing time at airports or waiting to board and such, I have gone up to women I have seen that I honestly like something that they are wearing, or shoes, jewelry, etc., and compliment them on how good it looks on them (this is in regular old dopey guy mode). I think they are thrown off by it a bit, somewhat shocked that a guy could notice such things, but are generally really pleased to hear it. They know it's not a pick-up line (what guy picking up girls talks about shoes!). Perhaps they just think I'm a gay man or something. But it is always a pleasant experience to interact with women in that manner.

[Krisi]

It means why would this be a newsflash.

Well why didn't you just say that? To me, it sounded snarky and argumentative.

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I think that it is not hey look at the guy in a dress I think they do not know what to do and feel that a compliment is showing their acceptance and it is OK that you are dressed that way! Maybe they want to counteract all the bigotry going on at this time! I think you are overreacting for the same reason they are reacting. Bigotry and hate cause even nice things to look bad. Look beyond the bigotry and hate! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

Lana Mae, where do you find all this bigotry and hate you often post about? In my daily life, I don't see bigotry and hate in person. I see it on the TV news and Facebook but never in real life with real people. The real people I encounter seem to be friendly and polite except when driving a car.

[dolovewell]

Krisi you make a good point. I live in Portland and when I tell people I am from Texas they ask me questions like "So are people really racist there?" or "How bad is the intolerance and bigotry?". People act like there are certain areas of the country that are so bigoted and intolerant that the people there ride around in pickup trucks with shotguns and harrass/bully/attack LGBT people and people of color for fun.

I lived in Abilene, Texas and other areas of the south for years and never saw any bigotry or hate or intolerance. Not a fan of the south being stereotyped as such a hateful place - its really not. People are no different in Abilene than they are here in Portland. In fact I'd even say Portland and Seattle are more intolerant than the southern places I have lived, as they do not react kindly to political opinions differing from their own - just look at all the riots and destruction the past week. When was the last time you saw a car dealership in the Deep South get all the windows of their cars smashed in and broken because the people there weren't happy with the outcome of a political election?

I guess what I am trying to say is that a place is only as bigotted as you make it out to be. If I can crossdress without trouble in Abilene, TX, then I can crossdress anywhere.

[Krisi]

Thank you!

[Julogden]

Great idea, let's be furious with well-intentioned people for being nice to us.:brolleyes:

[ellbee]

Do they think we're exhibits in a petting zoo?

I get what you're saying.


When you get a compliment that seems a bit "off," you do have to ask yourself: Would this person have done this, otherwise?

If you *weren't* dressed, would that stranger still have come up to that couple?

If you *weren't* a CD wearing a particular something, would a GG still compliment that GG on it?

If you were in drab & a GG liked the men's shirt you were wearing, would she still come up to your car & knock on your window?


Etc., etc.


I think sometimes people go out of their way a bit too much in being nice in some cases. Why that is, is anyone's guess.

There are some who want to be "trendy," that it's cool to be accepting of CD/TG/trans/whatever -- and so they intentionally make it a point, *only* because of that. Is that necessarily genuine?

Some might have a trans cousin or something, and so they find you being out as being brave or something -- and "target" you specifically because of who they think you might be.

Some might not have any experience with a CD/TG/trans, and now that they find themselves with that opportunity to get up close & personal? Yep, just like someone would at the zoo.

If you're not ready for polite compliments you're not ready for socialization.

You're familiar with introverts, right?

Some people out there find it *draining* to be around other people. They don't get their energy from social interaction -- just the opposite.

Believe it or not, not everyone craves being with others. Some just want to be left alone. And it has nothing to do with socialization.

[DIANEF]

Great post Laura. I posted earlier that it would freak me out if anyone approached me, that's only a slight exaggeration. I really do want to be left alone when out.