Telling or not telling the wife

[AnnaMarie]

The old "ignorance is bliss defense." I hope you are never on the other end of that, it hurts....and it hurts a long time

I have been on the other end of it twice before and yes it does hurt but when your other half says she'd have preferred not to know it does get you thinking. Like I've said before we all are different with no one route to any form of acceptance or even tolerance.

AnnaMarie, two things: 1) it's not normal "now." It can become "normal." 2) It will never be normal if you do not discuss it. It's out there. Open the conversation for her. Allow her to express her fears, concerns, and misconceptions without anger or defense.

Thanks Jennifer, but how many times do you think I should open the conversation? I want her to ask questions, I want to talk about, but clearly she won't and a wall goes up at the first mention of it. For some people I guess it can't become normal, for some it can. She has expressed her fears and now won't talk about it, ever, end of. I'm sure there are those that are lucky who's SO will at least have a conversation about it. There are of course others who won't.