Joan, Get a therapist and find a new church that will understand you better. Spiritual help is very helpful in the right circumstances. You have a wife. Perhaps your sexual issues are far deep and need to be understood. That is also why you need a counselor. You need to be at peace with yourself. Take care of your health and your spiritual self. Julie is right about that. I have gender dysphoria also, but my SO is acceptable but does not under stand. why i am like I am. But I told her that I don't quite understand here either. So we accept each other lovingly. Oh I wish more women would be understanding of us. But in your case if you want her, treat her well and follow what Gretchen said. Marriage and relationships are important and .Love and protect her as best you can. But if you are going to go the transition route you seriously need to find help. Therapist or Counselor.
