The steps of progression are not dissimilar to the stages of grief. These stages are not universal or the same for everyone.
Based on reading of historical accounts here a general pattern seems to be;
Discovery and or Meltdown
Day 1 – 6 months Trauma Stage – Numbness, Shock, Anger, False Promises
(Some may make it through this period in 1-3 months)
Rash promises on one or both sides
Demands for change or else
False promises of support
Genuine Support
1 – 6 months: Beginning to work on the issues
Reflection – Recognition of problems with rash promises
Fear for Future
Beginning of openness or DADT
Renegotiation of terms conditions
6 months – 1 year: Facing the issues:
Is change possible
Redefining “normal”
Beginning of Acceptance or dissolution of relationship
1 year to 2 years Shaking sadness –seeking to understand
Forgiveness and Understanding
2 years – Understanding and Reconciliation
Acceptance and Encouragement
The key for most couples is communication, If there has not been a history of open communication then most relationships devolve into a DADT or worse.
You and your spouse can work through this. Finding the right resources such as the Book My Husband Betty may help. Also writing a heartfelt letter is a good start as well.
