If she catches you lying to her again I'm fairly confident she will kick you out.
If the house is jointly owned, do not under any circumstances leave! She cannot "kick you out", despite what she may think! If you leave, regardless of the reasons, she is holding all the cards because you deserted her, in legal terms. Sorry to be negative, but I don't see any happy endings here. 35 years is a long time, and you have a lot invested in the marriage. But from your posts, she seems to be "my way or the highway". Your choices are to knuckle under to her demands to stop dressing and live with the stress and frustration for years to come, and an early heart attack from the stress, or make your plans to start a new life without her. There are no easy answers here.