Is it wrong to Judge

[Tracy Irving]

So, I tend to project my dressing standards on other dresser. I'd like to be more than a man-in-a-dress. So was I wrong to judge this individuals choice?

You have every right to feel the way you do about this individual just as he has every right judge you. As long as you keep it to yourself there is no problem. It is when you try to take away freedom and force your standards on someone else I draw the line.

[Tracy Irving]

Tracy,
It's fine to discuss it between members on the forum but we are considering what the public think and their reaction, that child my have witnessed some bad comments first hand , is it really fair on that child ? Is it almost using and abusing that child to make a point it may not understand .

It has been discussed on this forum how super perceptive children can be. You could just as easily be writing about the child seeing a man in a wig and makeup, witnessing some bad comments first hand. Why would a three year old child totally understand a man in a wig and makeup but would be used and abused if he took it off?

I know you are not suggesting that crossdressers need to stay home and hide in the closet. We are all free to be what we want.

Peace, love and understanding, Tracy.

It maybe a a valid argument that more MIAD's would "normalize" dresses for men, but male fashion choices have next to nothing to do with the transgendered. It does not follow, logically, that said normalization would be of benefit to us.

If there is one thing I learned on this forum it is that a man in a dress (MIAD) falls under the fransgender umbrella. With that said, male fashion choices to wear a dress could benefit the transgender community that identifies as a MIAD.

I do agree with you that said normalization would do less for those trying to present as female. But, as part of this all inclusive transgender umbrella, I would applaud their success!

[Becky Blue]

This is always a tricky subject and its nice in theory to say people shouldn't judge but the reality is (as many of you have already said) everyone judges. One the one hand people should be able to present themselves however they want within the law because that is what freedom is all about on the other hand I think that a half dresser is not great for our community as a whole. I posted a thread a while back about seeing a guy out in a dress with a beard and the negative response it got from the 5 'normal' people I was with who all agreed that there was nothing wrong with a person cross dressing but that they felt the 'bearded lady look ' was weird and unnecessary. I think that the majority of ordinary people seeing this person 'half dressed' would be negative and having a child with him/her would have made most people even more uncomfortable.

[Tracii G]

It all boils down to this yes you can do it but should you do it.
Or just because you can doesn't mean you should.

[Teresa]

Somehow I still feel that you are saying kids will accept what ever goes on around them without question, we can behave how we chose and wear what we want, no one is saying those kids also have rights, and are they being given the chance to air them ? Is it right to assume they are super perceptive only to find they are behaving badly at school because their homelife is totally confusing them ?

Going back to Jamie's original thread , that child may have been playing merry hell in the car because it didn't like the way it's dad was dressed and maybe some promised treat had pacified it.

Some recent news in the UK appears to be going to far , parents being very upset when they are asked what gender they want their children to enter school. Very few children at that age are even aware of gender , they are just kids , we should allow them to be so and grow up in their own time and not inflict an adult situation on them. They need our support at that time not use them to support our needs they don't understand, they have rights too !

[Jodie_Lynn]

Somehow I still feel that you are saying kids will accept what ever goes on around them without question

But they do just that! Until they are shown another way. And even then, the majority stick to what they 'know to be true'.
Think of the children of bigots. Do you really think that Mummy & Daddy bigot don't teach their kids to be baby bigots?
Another: Children of abused/abusive parents are more likely to end up in abusive relationships. Why? Because they have grown up thinking that it is normal.
Another: Children of alcoholics/addicts ted to become alcoholics/addicts themselves, partly due to genetic disposition, but also because their home lives normalize the behaviors.

[Teresa]

Jodie,
I know what some of those descriptions mean , my father drank heavily and was a bully, and it did affect me , my rights were never given a thought as a child. I always vowed to do the opposite of the way he lived his life, that's is aside from my CDing issue . He died at 53 and no one missed him. My family think far more of me despite my CDing , they all know now but have never seen me. My decision was not to let them find out until they were adults and old enough to understand and deal with it . I stand by that , they needed us to support them I didn't use them to support me , they all respect me for that . Now I have their support when I need them, I stood up for and protected their rights, I didn't abuse and ignore them .

Tracy,
If you want to continue that analogy, it is therefore vain for a man to shave everyday, being clean shaven is not natural, perhaps it's a very small step in feminising ! I am altering my appearance to align with how I feel inside , it's a trait of AGP to me , I want to be seen and accepted as a woman , that's why MIAD doesn't work for me , it's a contradiction to the way I feel and look .

[Mirya]

a fellow cross dresser walks by in a long dark dress, wig, no makeup, five-o-clock shadow, sneakers (chucks), black socks and hairy legs.

How do you even know they were a crossdresser? Did you ask them? Maybe they're a non-binary individual and that's their way of dressing and living authentically. Some non-binary and genderqueer people dress in 'women's clothes' but do not shave at all - such as Jacob Tobia.

Not everyone who is assigned-male-at-birth (AMAB) needs to present as a stereotypical female. Maybe this person was dressing and presenting as their true non-binary/genderqueer selves. But instead you judged them as a crossdresser who isn't up to your standards. That's not cool.

[Georgette_USA]

I don't comment here that often anymore.

Back in the older ages (1970s), few CDs would do so publicly. And most at that time that I knew were older with some younger. As a transitioning TS, the older ones always talked of blending in and passing. Not a great time to be public about being TS or CD.

Since I have come back to the LGBT community I have had to reconsider presentation for others. Yes I do tend to judge but let others decide how and when they dress.

Some of the younger CDs do present very well, and they definitely pass in club or private settings. Some of the older tend to dress way to young or ****ty, but that is what they intend. I have seen quite a few that are NB or Gender Fluid or Gender Queer or non-confirming. I find their presentation interesting, not to my tastes, but that is their decision.

I see the same in the TG/TS population also. As they progress they do tend to go more to the blending phase. And quite a few do so very well.

As to the children, some of the families do expose them in a loving manner to all this. I think this is good for the future.

[ellbee]

Not everyone who is assigned-male-at-birth (AMAB) needs to present as a stereotypical female. Maybe this person was dressing and presenting as their true non-binary/genderqueer selves. But instead you judged them as a crossdresser who isn't up to your standards. That's not cool.

I agree.


And BTW, maybe that person doesn't agree with those who get all dolled-up & present as totally traditionally female -- that they think it's a bit odd or something.


Hey, we all have our different reasons & different tastes for doing what we do.