I am new and have questions

[Soapstar411]

ClosetED,

I am so glad I decided to sit down and talk with my husband! We had an open and honest conversation and it actually went a lot better than I thought. He opened up more to me than he did the day I found out. I asked so many questions and he answered all of them. He does not care who sees him in public, just as long as it's not someone he knows, which is why he has walked out the front door for our neighbors to see, because we do not know our neighbors very well. One of the questions I asked him was if he would ever tell his family and friends about it, and he said he's not sure if he ever will. He is worried about his loved ones judging him. I also asked if he knew what caused him to start dressing (he started when he was a kid) and he said he wasn't sure. We talked about clothes, makeup, and he also showed me his painted toes he did the previous night. And I did make a little joke about him buying me lingerie the next time he orders something online, and he laughed. I am so glad I went through with talking to him, and with the help of you all it gave me the courage to do so. I hope that these open and honest conversations with my husband will continue on!

[ClosetED]

Thanks for the feedback - I hope he also feels much relieved. Just being able to share my hopes and desires and pictures here makes me more peaceful with who I am. Maybe he would like to join. Having a spouse who really wanted truth and was accepting would be wonderful.
Hugs, Ellen

[faltenrock]

ClosetED,

...I also asked if he knew what caused him to start dressing (he started when he was a kid) and he said he wasn't sure. ...

Soapstar,
This is the most asked question I hear when I'm out and women start asking me about dressing, my wife included.
As simple as it seems, the answer is very difficult or impossible.

Most of us don't know what drives us to crossdress, nothing general. So really not much of an answer to expect.
I'm glad you talked with your husband.

[CONSUELO]

Dear Soapstar,

I'm so glad that you were able to sit and talk. It is hard for us CDers to talk openly as we have often been conditioned to keep our cross dressing a secret and avoid the opprobrium of public criticism. Keep talking and try hard not to judge. I think it would be good if he did offer to buy you some pretty lingerie and why stop there. He should find you some other good looking clothing also. If you can share and enjoy it would be good.
Many of us here started dressing at a very young age and for many reasons. Being a cross dresser is not so much a "hobby" as some believe, it is an integral part of ones self and you cannot just give it up. Keep that in mind when you talk to him. I hope that all your questions will be answered and all your fears will dissipate and you will enter a stable relationship free of fear. Best wishes

[Kayliedaskope]

Soapstar, congratulations to both you and your husband for being open with each other. You have a better understanding of why he likes to CD, and he in turn is relieved he doesn't have to hide it from you anymore. Coming out into the light of acceptance is THE hardest thing for us to do, and some never get there.

As you've already figured out, cross dressing is not a simple cut-and-dried answer. There are as many questions as there are answers, and in our world, "I don't know" is a very common answer. It's not an "I don't know" in the sense of avoiding the answer, or trying to hide something - for us, it really IS a sincere "I really have no idea why I do it, but it just feels right" kind of answer. Many of us have similar stories - started as a kid with a family member's clothing, stolen panties from a significant other - and then our own personal experiences branch out from there. The guilt, the shame, the constant worry of not being accepted, "are you gay" .... these things are always a part of our world. Why do we do it? "I don't know."

Look at a tree. They all start from a seed, and slowly grow into maturity, spreading their branches and growing their leaves. Think of how many trees are in a forest, and how many different kinds of trees there are. No two are exactly the same, but similar. It's the same way with us.

You are a rare gem among GG's, Soapstar, a cherished treasure. You are able to see past the surface and into the heart, where our true self lives ... where our real beauty is ... and you are beautiful in my eyes.

[rian]

I agree, communication is definitely important! The day that I found out and he admitted it to me, he did tell me that it started when he was a kid, and that he was afraid of people finding out and making snide jokes about him having a boyfriend. He is a quiet and shy person who gets embarrassed very easily, which makes it even more harder for me to get him to open up. I asked him if it was more than the clothes, if he wanted to physically make the change into a woman, and he said no. I also asked him if he was or has ever been sexually attracted to men, and again he said no. I guess for me it's just one question after another because the only answer/discussion I got from him was the day I found out, and a little bit the day after. Thank you for your response! I hope he will begin to open up to me.

My dear Soapstar
First of all ...what he is doing is very natural in his world ,,because this part of him is as real as you being a woman ,,,,Try not to struggle with him but come closer and help him to emerge his feminine side ,,,you will gain all his trust ,,,,then you will live happily with her ,,, if you struggle to accept him ,,you will loose his trust and his courage ...he does not know why he does this ,,,it is part of his DNA ,,,I think all CDs are in their DNA ,,,,Accept it and do not try to analyze it .....Lot of CDs do not like men but they love to feel females in nature and act upon this Urge ...To tell you the truth ,,we are women like you but in a mens bodies ,,Yet we accept our male side and we adore our ladies part ,,embrace him as he is and tell him that you love him no matter who he is ....