So who's getting it wrong ?

[sometimes_miss]

There is so much difference here as to the meaning of transgender, how can we expect outsiders to get it right?

Maybe by not limiting it to how much we cross gender lines? And just make it about the fact that some do it a little (get our ears pierced, polish our nails), and some feel the need to do it a lot, e.g., actually need to get SRS and transition?
I think that perhaps it will be more accepted when people start to realize that most of us do some type of transgender things in our daily life. As time goes on, adopting the behavior of what was previously considered only acceptable for the opposite sex, will more often become acceptable. Even real macho men will give their infant a bottle of formula when they're hungry, where as 70 years ago, he's hand off the kid to mommy. Most men can cook, clean and do laundry, and consider that appropriate. many years ago, it would have been 'woman's work', and a man would be embarrassed to tell his friends that he did those things.
And the number of things that women now do (which previously were the domain of only men) without thinking, which they would never even consider doing 100 years ago, is tremendous.
So we all do transgender things. The only question then becomes, how many, and how often? And why should it really matter?