What is wrong with being yourself?

[Teresa]

JaymeCD,
The difference is she can stop drinking coffee but you can't stop dressing . I usually say now when the question arises that i was born like it and there's nothing I can do to change it. Times are changing , here in the UK the government is determined to push through reforms to help our community . In the next national census in 2021 there will be more questions aimed at our sector to try assess the numbers , that is going to be interesting in some households where there is a DADT situation , raising the question who do you lie to your wife or the government . A false declaration is a criminal offence .

[Kas]

JaymeCD,
The difference is she can stop drinking coffee but you can't stop dressing . I usually say now when the question arises that i was born like it and there's nothing I can do to change it. Times are changing , here in the UK the government is determined to push through reforms to help our community . In the next national census in 2021 there will be more questions aimed at our sector to try assess the numbers , that is going to be interesting in some households where there is a DADT situation , raising the question who do you lie to your wife or the government . A false declaration is a criminal offence .

I doubt you're going to get thrown in jail for lying about whether you cross dress or not... Though still a very interesting point.

[Alice Torn]

Every woman except my therapist has been turned off bigtime when i revealed i CD. Sometimes Miss is right, about if we are jerks, we better be a different self! LOL I know that all women who are religious are against it too. And i just recently came out to along time GG friend, and showed her photos. She is not impressed, and refused to comment/ I think some women say they are ok with it, BUT NOT IF IT IS THEIR MAN!

[Becky Blue]

Mikayla, so sorry to hear about your frustrations, not for one moment am i suggesting you hide anything, but perhaps you are telling the women you meet too soon. By telling them before they get to know you, perhaps it is easier for them to move on. One can understand a woman thinking 'he is a nice guy but do i really need the extra complication?' Perhaps once they got to know you better before your both in too deep is the time to tell...

[DIANEF]

A very long time ago my local newspaper used to run a 'Lonely Hearts' section which, when I was at a low ebb, I used to peruse. There were sections for Males seeking females, and vice versa, Gay, Lesbian, and for a while 'just friends'. In that section there were often adds for 'Crossdresser seeks understanding female' (usually emphasizing 'not gay'). I often wondered how many of those adds received replies.

[Nicole Erin]

Who the hell cares what "society" thinks anyways.
A better solution would be to be your OWN G/F. Just think, no rejection of intimacy based on ailments. No having to remember stupid "special" days.
I know what one is thinking - "Yeah but there are certain things one just cannot do for themselves". This is true. HOWEVER, dating yourself is a small percent of the satisfaction of dating but with ZERO percent of the B.S.

Most women r justifiably afraid of "weirdos". Especially in the men they'll date. However, once women get to know and trust u? They not only may allow your "eccentricities", they may enjoy participating in them!

This explains why some really pretty women date the nastiest ogres that were belched from the worst part of the ghetto. As far as participation - such women who date said ogres will proudly parade their new lover around town like it is some kind of accomplishment that he said "yes".

Many women are fine with crossdressers, they just don’t want to date them. Everyone is allowed to be attracted to different things. There are women out there that you are not attracted to, but nobody is berating you because you don’t like morbidly obese women, or really underweight women, or women with facial hair, or women with different political views or whatever. You demanding that women be accepting of crossdressing in a relationship is just as bad as a woman demanding a man that doesn’t.

Women are allowed to have standards but they do not particularly like it when men have standards.

[suzanne]

I love myself now, and my wife of 35 years loves me and is rapidly warming to my clothing choices, but it wasn't always so. We grew up in the 60's and 70's when there was only one way to be a man or woman, and no variations were permitted. Any male not conforming to the standard model received the three letter F word, regardless of all the variations we accept now, and was subject to shunning, verbal abuse, physical abuse, even death. And females accepted this standard of masculinity, not knowing alternative models were valid. My wife was no exception. She now admits she once thought it would have been better to see me dead than in a dress. (Thank God its not so true now.)

Given this background, why would it be surprising that the non binary people of my generation are slow to come out?OMG, Kevin Spacey just came out as gay this week, despite the stigma having been removed long ago. So getting out into the world of free self expression is an arduous, multi phase process. We must first accept ourselves, then in no strict order, that of our spouses, then that of the world around us, all of which have been steeped in the toxic masculine myth. True, we often find the obstacles are built up in our minds, out of proportion to reality, but some resistances still remain real and very damaging.

I try to be understanding of any of us who struggle to free themselves and be happy for their victories, large or small. Including the older man I once saw in a dress shop, looking at bras "for my wife". We'll all reach freedom as long as we keep pushing ahead. And as we do, others like us but deeply closeted may see us and believe it's possible for them too.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Women are allowed to have standards but they do not particularly like it when men have standards.

Excellent point!

Let a guy say he wants a woman who only wears skirts and dresses and he is decried as a sexist pig. Let a woman say she needs a "real man" who is traditionally masculine and it is just her preference.

[GretchenM]

Awhile back my wife asked me why I couldn't just be myself? In other words, her concept is that the feminine/female side is, well, fake news. I told her that maybe I am being myself and that the old days when I was totally closeted was not being myself. In other words, if you have a total or a partial mixed gender identity living that is being yourself. The problem is that what is meant when that is asked in my own case (DADT and "not in front of me" policy of my wife) is "being myself means complying with the expectations for males set by society." But, I am mildly trans and that has been established from many angles, so being myself means expressing that when necessary. So, my answer is, "I am being myself. It is just that the image of who "myself" is has changed over the years." My wife is not the person she was 48 years ago and so I could ask the same question of her. I would not want her to go back to when she was 22, but it is a valid point regarding what actually constitutes ourselves. So, it sometimes comes down to a battle between the individual's definition of "myself" and the social definition of "myself" which is based on social expectations for the most part. But that is why, in this country, we have a First Amendment. It doesn't open the door to a complete free-for-all because expression does come with responsibility as well. So, be yourself as true and responsibly as you can, and if someone else doesn't like it then perhaps you need some adjustments or they need to get a life. The First Amendment provides us with that right.