Liz you have so much packed into this it’s hard to know what to say. I know from my own experience you need to have a plan and if that does mean a full transition be sure you are commited to that.
As far as your marriage from what it sounds like your wife’s attitude is not likely to change and if you say your prepared for
it to end then make sure it’s worth it to you to go forward
I personally made lots of mistakes going toward what I thought would be a transition and now I’ve stopped that route for
various reasons. Just work with your gender therapists to work through this
