Please don't be fooled by the title, this is not about me and what I want or don't want, it is about Monnica, my lovely CD'er.
We had a moment. (Yes, I am coming to you all because there was trouble in paradise, as predicted and so here I am... try to contain your "I told you so's" and please be kind.)
Monnica had shared something intimate with me, a desire she wanted to have come to life. I am, for the sake of respect for all other members and the public, not going to go into detail. If this doesn't make sense as is, and you think you need to know more to give better advice or whatnots, please feel free to PM me. I did my best to make this happen, I had a plan, it was detailed, and I had picked up some things we would need and started getting things into action. Part of the plan was to remove all of her male clothing, accessories, toiletries, and replace them with all her female things (and she has a lot).
I brought up, slowly (due to physical restrictions), 4 cases of "gear", emptied out the drawers, put the contents in storage, and replaced it with Monnica's stuff. So that after she got home from work, had a bath (I also snuck in when she was in the bath and took her male work clothes, etc. to hide) she would have nothing but female things to wear. Then there was more, but that's all I'll share.
M had messaged me earlier in the afternoon that her depression was bad and she wasn't feeling great about work and life, so i brought out a male change of clothes, laid them on the bed, and thought we could ease into the evening a bit first. This was a Saturday, and we had made plans for him to have Monnica time on Sunday (He wanted to clean the house for me dressed), so when he got home from work we went to Sephora and a couple places to pick up some things she thought she'd need, we went out for dinner, then went home.
M hopped in the bath and I thought she was relaxed enough that I could present her with what I'd done. I did leave out the male clothes, but added some femme things to wear underneath, so she could relax. I put other things in an envelope and marked it to her and not to be opened until Sunday morning at 10 am.
Well, it all went to crap, and fast, even though she said it was exceeded what she wanted initially, in the moment it was too overwhelming. We almost got into an argument, and she was going to leave, but started near panicking when she couldn't find her male things. I actually yelled at her "STOP LOOKING! They are all hidden. All you will find is your female clothes.". It was in that moment that it "clicked" for M, and she realized what I had done, the lengths I had gone to, and what I was trying to do for her.
It was upsetting to say the least her hard initial reaction. So, I started bringing out her male things from the basement and taking things down that I had put up. I told her we could put it all on hold until she was ready, but, she was terrified that because of how she reacted, she had scared me to the point that I wouldn't ever do anything like this for her again, because similar things had happened to her in her life with others, not even in femme mode.
I suppose, and I have to reiterate from my other threads here, I am the first fully supportive, understanding, willing partner Monnica has had. She has had all these things kept locked up in her mind, played them out, but never brought them to life, and as soon as it was real, it was overwhelming, even though she still wants it. Even now.
What is hard for me to get, unless I have hit the nail on the head above, is there more to it? Or has something like this ever happened to you? You were brought 99% of the way to something you wanted, something you have convinced yourself you wanted, dreamed about, desired, but don't know how to act or if you really want it when it's right in front of you? Cold Crossdresser Feet, perhaps?
Any insight, input or advice would be greatly appreciated, as always.
I just want to edit to add, after reading the first few (very kind and supportive) responses, that this was all detailed, and more, in an email that Monnica had just sent me the night before about something she really wanted to have done to her (her fantasy), but up until this point has never even attempted to share this with someone, let alone, act it out.
We did open the envelope at 10 am the next day, it included a list of house chores and some house rules (she's new to my place and I want her to know certain things and not come across as too demanding or Bit**y, so I thought this was a cute way). I am incapacitated right now, due to major back problems, and M offered to clean for me, but requested to do it dressed. I was trying to set it up so that both of would be happy with the scenario, not just have it all about her, since she wants me to be happy, too.
I just wanted to stress that to go this far, even hiding male clothing, was her idea, her concept, her fantasy. I was just bringing it to life. This was not sexual. Perhaps with innuendo undertones, but not intended for sex, as I can't right now.
I hope this helps, and I hope members that have already taken the time to respond read this as well.
Thank you,
-g
-g