Perhaps we're going about this in the wrong way. Re: Finding CD friendly women.

[KatrinaK]

I definitely don't have a magic pill for you here Lexi, but I'll take you up on your offer and share the insights on the subject that I've learned from my wife, filtered through my own perspective.

My wife is about as accepting as you can get, but she definitely doesn't jump up and down in excitement about it. It has however been a turn on for her at several points, though that's the exception to the rule.

Couple of facts: my wife is a tomboy (an extremely feminine boho chic tomboy, but a tomboy,) and almost certainly bisexual. I think those two facts help tremendously. She brings the fact that she's always had strong tomboy inclinations up in with our gender therapist regularly as she explains that she tries to understand what I'm going though.

Here's the crux: my wife has talked time and time again about "owning it." For instance: my wife enjoys us getting manicures together. But when we went out in public the first time and I was afraid of people seeing my painted fingernails.... MAJOR turnoff. Now that I'm not insecure about my painted fingernails... TURN ON. What I've learned from that is that any insecurities or lack of self-acceptance you have will be amplified 10x in your SO because it's not their burden to bear. Same thing happened with shaving my legs. She only was ever turned off by my insecurities about what other people would think of me.

What I'm about to say next isn't going to be particularly popular, but it's very much the deep emotional side of OWNING IT. (those are her words not mine for how to stay married to her as a CD)

Owning it is more than being comfortable dressing around her or going out in public with nail polish on my fingers. Owning it means having a mature emotional conversation with both yourself and her. I STRONGLY believe that crossdressing isn't a habit we pick up or a choice that we make. The urge to present as the opposite sex is borne from some degree of non-conforming gender identity or gender dysphoria. AND THAT'S OKAY. For me, it's mild, and expressing as a little genderfluid most of the time and fully bi-gender twice a month is enough. I have it good on the spectrum, but I'll admit that I'm on it. And in doing so, I can have a very serious, mature, conversation with my wife about that. We don't discuss crossdressing. We discuss my gender expression needs. It takes the kink out of it. If I had told me wife that I like to dress up as a woman without telling her that there are deep seeded reasons why I HAVE to do it, she would have left me already. Without a doubt.... because it's only telling her half the story and she's smart enough to see through that.

I personally believe that most of us full-presentation crossdressers have some "owning it" to do when it comes to admitting, at least to ourselves, WHY we do it. And if we can't even admit to ourselves WHY we do it, how are we supposed to have a mature, transparent and honest discussion befitting the dignity of an intimate relationship with our SOs? Women are incredibly emotionally intelligent and empathetic creatures, and they can see through that in a heartbeat.

My point is that it's a lot easier to have a mature conversation about gender identity than it is to have one about "dressing up."

And Asew, I challenge you to put those pics back up as a non-binary or genderfluid looking for a woman. If you left yourself as a straight male, you’re barking up the wrong tree.