Reine,Originally Posted by ReineD
Always I love and respect your input to heartfelt questions and issues. What you ask is a good question.
First, I was in a completely femme mode, even if it was athletic attire. Since I don't pass except upon distant review, I didn't know what kind of negative attention the sight of a "man in girl's clothing" may draw.
Second, I think back to days when I was still more socialized as a man, or at least the version of a man I was acting out. "Back then" my radars would have been lit up early and a plan of fight or flight would be churning in my mind JUST BECAUSE it was a couple bad looking dudes. Part of it is the old fighter pilot in me too.
And yes, I am still packing 75 inches and 215 lbs of muscle and bone. Once under the influence of adrenaline, that chassis has not often failed.
But my first instinct was not "prepare for possible combat (even if it never happened)" No. My first instinct was "What am I doing here alone. I am vulnerable and very much at risk, probably because of my appearance." It wasn't fear as much as a realization. It took me a while to even think of self defense if these guys wanted something. I also identified that experience as one that a GG might have on any given day.
My mind is changing. The more I pursue this transgender life of mine, the more counseling and learning I acquire, the more my mind's pathways change. I think things, believe things now I never would have imagined flowing through my brain as I've embraced a more feminized life. Emotions. Attitudes. All changing for the better.
