Do X-wives & X-girlfriends keep our Cross dressing a Secret

[Robbiegirl]

As far as you know have your Xs kept the fact that you liked to wear women's clothing a secret ?

I guess the only way you would know for sure is if someone told you or asked you if the rumor was true. Then what do you do, deny it and then who will they probably believe ?

The situation I am really most curious about is X-girlfriends. We are all in agreement that Honesty is the best policy, and have been encouraged by the Ladies on this Board to tell women very early in the relationship. I have heard many of you say you did this and it turned out Great . What I haven't really heard of is stories where the woman can't handle the crossdressing and breaks things off. What does she tell her friends when they ask what happened ?

Do you think a woman would tell her gal pals about a guy crossdressing ? I think women understand this is pretty embarrassing for guys ?

I am not trying to judge the women involved, just trying to find out what the likely scenario is when a relationship doesn't work out

Any experiences or thoughts would be appreciated

[GaleWarning]

I know that one ex-girlfriend of mine told a (former) work colleague of mine.
She was gobsmacked!
I'm half a world away right now and haven't seen either of them in years.

I should add that it was not done maliciously. More as a passing comment during the course of a conversation.
She did inform me and apologize.

[Beverley Sims]

My four X housemates have shared the adventures with a number of their friends, most have been eager to meet me, years later and swap mamories of some of the adventures we had back then.

Others have not been interested but there has never been a negative reaction

[docrobbysherry]

My ex hasn't. However, she's paranoid someone will "come after us" if folks know I dress!

And, I still live with our youngest daughter.

[Crissy 107]

I fortunately have no first hand experience with this but my thought is if the breakup is bad there may be no limits on who they tell. On the other hand if the split was not about CD’ing and you were still somewhat friends the damage may be much less or even possibly none.
Vindictive ex friends, put them in the no limits category.

[Jenny22]

Beverly, your "years later and swap mamories" made me wonder if they were foam or silicone. Sorry! I couldn't resist.

[Steph_CD_62]

I know my ex-wife moved away 1500 miles, but still managed to tell people.

I had a strange phone call from one of her friends out where she was now leaving asking me if I wore women's clothing, I told him yes I did.

Also the god-father of our daughter asked me point blank one time while we were at the bar, because he had heard it from someone we both knew. I neither denied or admitted to it.

So it is hard to tell how many people my ex-wife told, and how many people in the small town I live in knows about my crossdressing.

[Cheryl T]

Only 1 Ex girlfriend ever knew.
I'm 100% certain she never told anyone. We were almost married, but things interfered and yet we remained closer friends than I can say.
She carried my secret to her grave and I still carry her deepest secret in the same way.

[Robbiegirl]

I know my ex-wife moved away 1500 miles, but still managed to tell people.

I had a strange phone call from one of her friends out where she was now leaving asking me if I wore women's clothing, I told him yes I did.

Also the god-father of our daughter asked me point blank one time while we were at the bar, because he had heard it from someone we both knew. I neither denied or admitted to it.

So it is hard to tell how many people my ex-wife told, and how many people in the small town I live in knows about my crossdressing.

Do you happen to remember why you even replied to this strange guy and then what his response was ?

[beckypanties]

As far as I know, yes. However, knowing my first wife, I am sure she would have told her family and anyone else who would listen, including my family. Nobody ever said anything to me to indicate that they knew.

[LIKETODRESS2]

NOt that I know of I only had 4 gf that knew about my dressing and 3 I don't talk to and my current gf. I never had any one say anything to me about it so I think I am safe

[Joni T]

My ex told everybody about it before we were ex's. Some accepted it and the ones that didn't, well, life was better without them any way.
Jon

[Diane Taylor]

Both my ex wife and my current girlfriend have told others. I have no problem with it because the more that know the lesser the burden we carry around with us.

[susan54]

There is another rather sad aspect of this we do not consider. When my mither was living in my house I just told her so I could wear what I wanted and she was fine with it. Some years later she went to live with my brother and his wife and developed dementia. An ex who is much younger than me who knew developed pre-senile dementia and we have quite a few friends in common. When this happens people no longer have control over what they tell. But nothing has come of either so maybe discretion is maintained when this happens. Or maybe they are not believed. The problem here is theirs not ours and I feel so sorry this has happened to them.

[Marcia Blue]

My ex-wife told several people after our divorce, most just blew her off. Then 5 years later, she published pictures of me dressed, in the personals of the local paper.
I told people it was a Halloween costume.

[alwayshave]

Sadly, I always knew my ex-wife was manipulative, so never let he know about this aspect of me. I am so happy I did not, she would have used it against me for sure.

[Eemz]

> if the breakup is bad there may be no limits

If an ex really wants to hurt you and is angry enough, then nothing is off limits. People use their kids, they use money, sex, power & influence, you name it.

That said, your ex also knows that outing someone as a CD is a big thing to do, and hopefully you're not involved with someone who would do that lightly. I would also ask myself - is this the only thing in the world that your ex knows about you that you wouldn't want spread all over the neighborhood? Probably not. Relationships are always a risk in that sense, CD or not. So ya. I don't know where I'm going with this post, just thinking out loud really.

[Teresa]

Robbie,
I feel that is part of my wife's problem , even though we have separated she's choosing not to tell people and it's festering in her mind , what's making things worse is knowing my daughter no only knows but had been out with me . She will struggle to come to terms with me being TG until she openly tells people , in fact the best thing she can do now is se me possibly just the once .At the moment she is being unfair to my daughter by asking her what I look like , that's putting my daughter in a very awkward situation , what can she truly say ?

Obviously all your points relate to what we assume people will think . If my wife openly tells people I'm TG , they will stop trying to appease her and even lie to her , they tell her what she wants to hear but it's not always the truth .

There is a subtle difference in your wording as you talk about a crossdesser and I'm talking about being openly TG . So it's far more unlikely a woman will say anything if the CDer is firmly in the closet , in that case everyone is entitled to keep their privacy and secrets and maybe it would be unfair to expose him .

The one good point about my sitaution is she can't use it as a weapon against me , in fact it's the reverse I could use it as leverage against her but there's no point I'm not doing it to intentionally upset her .

[Robbiegirl]

My ex-wife told several people after our divorce, most just blew her off. Then 5 years later, she published pictures of me dressed, in the personals of the local paper.
I told people it was a Halloween costume.

OMG ! Maria, why would she do that to you ? After 5 Years ! I am in shock !

[Alice B]

Itold my first wife that I was a cross dresser many years later. I was not when we we were married. She was very supportative and even invited me to her house dressed as Alice. She loved it and even offered me a wig that she had. Not my style. We have remained friends

[nvlady]

I'm sure my ex-wife told as many of my friends as she could. None of my friends, being the friends they are, have ever said one word to me about it.

[Anna Stouf]

Robbie,
In your thread about nightgowns I mentioned that I have been married and divorced 4 times. All of my wives told other people about my crossdressing. Here's the breakdown:

Wifey #1: This was at the beginning of the 1970's. It was a different world then. Yeah, she told people about me but it didn't mean much. Everyone saw a cycadellic (don't know how to spell it) world then. Besides, I probably had more on her because she was Bi and I came home one time and caught her with her GF.

Wifey #2: This marriage lasted over 24 years. We were very close and she knew about my CDing. She was okay with it but not overly thrilled. The marriage ended for other reasons, not CDing. She told her sister and brother in order to save face and make it look like everything was my fault and not hers.

Wifey #3: This marriage lasted 7 years. When we broke up, she told everybody and tried to cause me as much trouble as she could. I was called a pervert, and other mean and nasty things, by several members of her family. Funny thing though, CDing means nothing in divorce court. They won't even consider it.

Wifey #4: This marriage was only 4 years. She was a wonderful person and I still miss her today. We broke up for other reasons but she still used the CDing to save face for herself. She told members of her family but they didn't try to cause any trouble. They are very high class people.

One of the things I have learned in my 75 years on this planet is that crossdressing is almost never the root cause of a divorce. However, it is often the trigger, or straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. And the wife will often try to use it as leverage, either to make herself look innocent or for some other kind of gain, such as alimony, or child visitation, etc, etc.

So there you have it. Today, at 75 yrs old, I live alone and have been for six years. It's a lonely life and I'm sad and depressed sometimes, but I'll be okay.

On the positive side, I have a whole closet full of women's cloths and nobody tells me what, or what not, to do.

[SaraLin]

I had an Ex tell everyone within shouting distance about me. Several people came and said something like "Your Ex is saying all kinds of bad things about you..." Or "she's telling everyone that you want to be a girl." I'd just shrug and "keep on keeping on", as the saying goes.

Interestingly enough, NOBODY asked me if the stories were true - and nobody acted differently towards me either.

I think most of the people who heard the rumors just ignored them, since they knew she'd been playing "bed-sheet bingo" behind my back for quite a while - and figured she was just trying to duck the blame.

She ended up leaving the state, and my life went on as usual - minus the pain/drama she caused.

[Jillian Faith]

My ex wife told several of her family members during our divorce. My current wife shared it in a counseling session with my permission.

[CarlaWestin]

The Parasite dressed me up and took pictures pretending to be OK with it all. Then used it all in her divorce.
Things haven't really gone well for her.