Control or Acceptance

[deebra]

If a man wants to wear a minimal amount of female clothing does a wife have the right to say no? Let's say he likes female panties and wants to wear girl jeans too. And for pretty much the same reasons she does. The panties are sexy, comfortable and pretty. The jeans are soft, close to the body and attractive and feel very feminely nice over the panties. This is not a man in a dress that will draw attention. I wear this all the time and blend, blend, blend, never ever outed. We all know women wear male clothes wherever they want. Does he have the right to wear this if he wants and stand up to her or does she have the right to tell him no and then go dress in his clothes and go shopping. IYO (in your opinion) what are the limits, how far can he go???

[Jodie_Lynn]

Isn't that really something for discussion between the interested parties?

I mean, a thousand people can give examples of their own experiences, but what is the point of this?
Is some crossdresser going to present the data to a reluctant spouse and say "SEE?!? All these faceless internet people agree with me!"

But lets take crossdressing out of the equation for a moment.
What if he wanted to perform an adult bedroom activity with her, and she didn't want to. Does he have the right to force to indulge in his desire? Is she not an equal partner with the ability to voice her own likes and dislikes?

Shouldn't a couple have the right to disagree on issues? Or does each partner just do as they want without regard for their spouses desires?

I'm not looking to start a fight here, but you deebra really seem to be hung up on this idea.
Perhaps the person you should be discussing this with is your spouse.

[Micki_Finn]

Of course she has a right to express her opinion. The man then has a right to either comply or ignore her request. And she has a right to leave him if his ignoring her request is too much to handle. This is how life works. It’s all about choices and living with the consequences.

[Macey]

Perfectly encapsulated, Micki. Couldn't have said it better.

[abbiedrake]

What Jodie and Micki said.
I can't count the time, on mildly moaning about keeping my facial hair, someone will say to me 'your body, your choice'.
Yep that's true. It's also true that if I decide to say to hell with her and indulge my every whim I'll soon be single, but hey that's my right to shave, yeah?
And then there's the times it's just downright selfish and crass. My disabled wife now has cancer to contend with. She's told me she can't deal with my dressing right now and I've told her fair enough, but that I'll want to return to the conversation about its place in my/our lives. Of course I could say 'meh it's Abbie time NOW!'. But seriously...?
Here's a thing juts because we have a right to a thing doesn't mean we have to exercise it. But if we do we can expect others to exercise their rights to react as they see fit.
This is just the same old question though, and unlike other questions and enquirers, yours is always the same and there's no appreciable gap between queries. There's no point to be proven here about the hypocrisy of society in letting women wear what they want.
You are beginning to sound simply misogynistic. And over such a small thing. Try male suicide or child custody and take it to the MRA (Mens Rights Activists) whack jobs OR enjoy your dressing and don't press buttons, hypothetical or otherwise.

[Jean 103]

Yes she does.

She has the right and should have the freedom to feel whatever she feels. Those are her feelings.

I'm not saying you have to like it.

I bet it is not the piece of clothing but the thought that she does not like. The clothing is just reminding her, like an annoying text. You feel you need to respond but do not want to.

So the real question is how much can she take and is it worth it?

[Gillian Gigs]

If a man wants to wear a minimal amount of female clothing does a wife have the right to say no?

YES, relationships are about communication and compromise to help make both parties happy.

Let's say he likes female panties and wants to wear girl jeans too. And for pretty much the same reasons she does. The panties are sexy, comfortable and pretty. The jeans are soft, close to the body and attractive and feel very feminely nice over the panties. This is not a man in a dress that will draw attention.

If the partner knows the reasons why, then the CD'er needs to know why she feels that way.

I wear this all the time and blend, blend, blend, never ever outed. We all know women wear male clothes wherever they want.

Is this really a part of the issue.

Does he have the right to wear this if he wants and stand up to her or does she have the right to tell him no and then go dress in his clothes and go shopping.

A relationship should not be about his rights, her rights, but what works best to make the relationship grow!

IYO (in your opinion) what are the limits, how far can he go???

He can go as far as his selfish self desires to go, but be prepared to accept the consequences. There is another post about divorce, and whether CD'ing is the sole cause of the break up. Marriage is not about him, or her, but about us, and what helps it to grow into a great relationship. Compromise is an important part of a marriage.

[CarlaWestin]

My wife knows that she's not just going to lay down the law about my crossdressing but, she is entitled to not participate. And she doesn't want my pink fog to choke out her environment.
So, respectfully, I don't let it. DADT and IDWTSI is a nice comfortable containment that keeps us both happy.

[chrissy111]

To me, it's all about us. Our wants and hopes is what keeps us happy.

[NancySue]

I agree...women’s clothes are definitely much more comfortable than men’s, even though my supportive wife would take issue with underwires, heels and hose. 😉 Acceptance? Yes. Control? Only about my desire to go out dressed. We live in a nosy smaller town, where everyone’s business seems to be talked about. I don’t look on this as ‘control’ but common sense. I have to agree, being seen or caught would be a social disaster. As most know, going out dressed is part of our “pink fog” and can range from a thought to a need. I dress underneath daily and go will go out. She worries about an auto accident, for which, I can’t argue. Several years ago, we did go out, to an out of town mall to see a movie. Guess what? We saw some friends of ours. Fortunately, they didn’t see us, but any further thoughts went down the drain. So, while I have no limits around the house, including lawn work or back porch, going out dressed is a No-no.

[deebra]

Jodie_Lynn, it's a subject for discussion, once again it's not about me, for a second time it's a subject for discussion, it's not about me, get it.

Why hasn't anyone said anything about the fairness of her wearing male clothes and going out and many wives tell him no. Not trying to start a war but answer the post for exactly what it is, if you post it is not all ways personally about the poster.

[Micki_Finn]

Because we’ve gone over that Deebra. Over and over and over and over and over...

[Tracii G]

I can't believe you asked the same question again Deebra.
If you don't like the answers you get then let it go.
Asking again isn't going to change the outcome of the group here you keep asking.
It would be like me trying on a size 20 jeans and being upset they don't fit when it reality I wear a size 26.
No matter the number of times I try the 20s on they aren't going to fit so why would I keep trying them on expecting a different result?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Debra, You can keep beating that same DEAD HORSE, but he will never get up.>Orchid ..++..

[Robertacd]

If a man wants to wear a minimal amount of female clothing does a wife have the right to say no?

We can stop right there.

Last time I checked with my wife our marriage was a partnership. We both have "veto power" over the other, but that power is not wielded arbitrarily or unilaterally.

[sometimes_miss]

what are the limits, how far can he go???

As one woman told me, he can go right out the door and keep on going!

Most of us would understand it as equivalent to a wife getting her hair cut to a man's style, then wearing a mustache 24/7. At some point, something simply changes how we feel about the other.

deebra, what's that old saying about doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results?

To me, it's about why we are adopting clothing of the opposite sex. Women don't wear men's clothing to try to emulate, or appear to be men. We DO wear female clothing to try to look like, emulate, behave, and even go through all sorts of vocal exercises to help us sound like women.

[Jodie_Lynn]

>>SNIP<<

I wear this all the time and blend, blend, blend, never ever outed.

>>SNIP<<

Firstly, I did answer your question. You just didn't get the answer you so desperately want to hear.

Secondly, if the quoted statement is correct, then what is your beef? YOU pass, and if you've never been clocked, then brava for you. But then, why the obsession with asking this question again and again?


I am very curious.

[abbiedrake]

Jodie_Lynn, it's a subject for discussion, once again it's not about me, for a second time it's a subject for discussion, it's not about me, get it.

Why hasn't anyone said anything about the fairness of her wearing male clothes and going out and many wives tell him no. Not trying to start a war but answer the post for exactly what it is, if you post it is not all ways personally about the poster.

I did, thanks, Deebra. Who exactly is making it personal? Other than you, I mean, obviously?!

[susan54]

There are many things in life that are not fair. Women still get paid less than men. They get asked much more often why they do not have children (which could be very wounding for some women). Yes, a man who tries to control what his wife wears is regarded as a bully and the converse does not apply. If you are seen in public wearing women's clothes, even jeans, it might affect your wife's status among her friends. No, it is not fair, but it is reality. You have to consider your partner and how your actions might affect her. So yes - she has a right to comment. And deny you the 'right' to go out dressed like that.

[SaraLin]

Why hasn't anyone said anything about the fairness of her wearing male clothes and going out and many wives tell him no.

It's really really pretty simple. It ISN'T fair. But then, few things in life really are.

This leaves you with two choices really:

You can take on some level of activism and try to change things. If you choose this path, more power to you, but be willing to accept consequences of your choices. Change doesn't come easy - and is usually unwelcome to most (at least at first).
OR
You can just "deal with it" and get on with living with the given rules.

Complaining about how it's not fair doesn't really help - and in fact tends to annoy people.

[Macey]

Deebra, you don't have to be at war with the rest of humanity over the choices you make.

If I like to talk too much about old warner brothers cartoons, or spend too much money on a guitar, or wax philosophic over the state of politics, or express my religious beliefs as I please, someone somewhere will not accept it. Someone somewhere will try to convince me that 'my' way is wrong and 'their' way is right. But with the infinite variation in humanity, someone somewhere also WILL accept you. Sometimes those 'someones' are even people that would never make the choices that you make, but are just fine with accepting you for your choices.

To that end, you do not need anyone's permission to dress or express yourself in what ever way you feel comfortable, but just in case you feel that you need someone's permission, *I* give you permission to be 'you'. And I think 'you' … however you want that to be, is just fine with me!

Speaking directly to your question about a loved one's acceptance, every close relationship means some level of compromise. You will need to find what compromises are acceptable to you, and find the right loved one to make those compromises with. That's not easy, but certainly worth the journey!

[abbiedrake]

Goddamned Warner Brothers cartoon talk. Again! I'm sick of it. Keep your ridiculous hand drawn opinions to yourself, Macey. 😉
What was the question again?

[Shelly Preston]

IYO (in your opinion) what are the limits, how far can he go???

This is a question that can only be answered by the individuals involved.

The fact that we are all different means you will get a different answer from each individual.

A partner does have the right to express an opinion.

If a partner says no is it Control, maybe, but then you would have to ask why.

If a partner says yes its Acceptance but is that for the individual moment or is it for longer.

[Jean 103]

Why hasn't anyone said anything about the fairness of her wearing male clothes and going out and many wives tell him no. Not trying to start a war but answer the post for exactly what it is, if you post it is not all ways personally about the poster.

OK I'll explain it to you.

You can say anything you want it does not change the fact that it is not the same.

To be fair there is one exception FTM.

women don't wear pants because they want to be a man or some feeling. Women want to be women, they wear pants because they are practical. Now mix in fashion and you have skinny jeans, capri......

This sounds like it is something you are stuck on and need to move past.

Here I'll fix it. You now have permission to wear whatever you want.

Feel better?

[Tracii G]

Everybody here has gotten past this and accepted the reality of the situation and deebra hasn't it seems.
Why is she stuck on the one thing?
No matter how many responses, answers and explanations that make sense and are grounded in reality she just chooses not to listen.
Why does this one thing run so deep in her mind that she can't shake it and just get on with life?
Here in middle America we call that being bull headed.